28/28 Day 2 - Getting the TV to Yourself - The Great Cubone Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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28/28 Day 2 - Getting the TV to Yourself

We've all been there before.  Whether it be relatives, parents, siblings, or those annoying kids next door who insist on only playing single-player games, we've all had one of those moments of rage when you mentally prepare yourself for a nice long gaming marathon only to find some hog sitting in front of your TV like they own the place.  Well I'm here to tell you NO MORE!  I, Doctor T. G. Cubone, Ph.D, will now give you some time-proven* tests that are guaranteed to get you the TV all to yourself.

Play a Handheld

Now I know not everyone loves Pokémon that much, but I've got to suggest a slightly reasonable answer first.  The 3DS and Vita can both provide very fulfilling experiences, and with the Wii U you can also play on the gamepad.  This removes the need for conflict or other extreme measures to get the TV back ... who am I kidding?  That's boring.  That TV is YOURS for the taking.  Don't use this idea under any circumstances.

Put them to sleep

This solution is fairly simple.  All you have to do is learn to play a flute or other woodwind instrument.  Ocarinas are much preferred.  Next, you stand next to the TV hog and play a nice, soothing memory.  The trick is to stay awake longer than them.  If you fall asleep, your mission fails.  Once they're asleep, put some noise-cancelling headphones on them, (if you don't have them, go buy a pair.  They're not that expensive, are they?) and then the TV is your domain to do with as you please.

Play Co-op mode with them until they get bored

This mainly works with those little cousins that really, REALLY love to hog the TV.  All you have to do is put in LEGO Star Wars.  Now you look like a good cousin, playing with your younger kin, while in reality you just want the TV to yourself.  Once in-game, be ruthless.  Go far ahead, dragging them off cliffs.  Don't wait for them.  Just keep going.  They should get bored after a while and leave, then it's smooth sailing.  If that doesn't work, try this next handy trick.

Submit them to various stomp-fests until they give in

You frequent GIO a lot.  That usually means that you play a lot of video games.  That means you're good at video games.  Start up the PvP game you're best at, whether it be Soul Caliber, Halo, or Need for Speed.  Proceed to crush the TV hog over and over again.  If they say something like "Let's play a different game," just respond with a sentence along the lines of "but I'm having fun!"  If you think the hog can handle it, throw in some "friendly" smack-talk.  They'll get sick of you eventually and leave you behind.

Let them have the TV because you're a good person

Sometimes you just have to share stuff because sharing builds character and it's a nice thing to do.  Remember, this does not apply to your TV time.  You need it.  It's yours.  Annihilate any thoughts of sharing from your mind.  It's not the right path!

Pull the Breaker Switch

This one's easy.  Just turn off all the power, forcing the hog off the TV.  Wait until he leaves the TV room in confusion, then dash back to the breaker, turn the power back on, and get to the TV before they can.  When they complain about being on the TV first, just say, "but I just started playing and I'm far from a save point."

Take it Outside

No explanation needed here.

Get them Arrested

Sometimes none of these previous options will cut it.  Set up an elaborate crimescene, bribe witnesses, create a synthetic dead body, and voila!  You've got yourself a good murder going on.  Make sure the hog has no solid alibi (they probably won't, they've just been sitting on the couch) and call your local police, reporting a murder.  After they're safely behind bars, you've got a couple days minimum of playing time before the police figure out it was a hoax and send YOU to prison.  But you got some peaceful game time, so it's worth it.

 

*Tests were not actually conducted, only thought of in my convoluted brain.  You should still try them, though.  It might be funny.

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