Things We’ll Probably Never Hear Cortana Say To Master Chief… - subsaint Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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Things We’ll Probably Never Hear Cortana Say To Master Chief…

Like many of you, I recently finished Halo 4 and felt a whole spectrum of emotion over the events as they unfolded, right up until the very end. It was a solid addition to the franchise that has amassed a cult like following (of which I am an active member) and 343 Industries should (a) breathe a huge sigh of relief and (b) pat themselves on the back for an outstanding job.

 I knew I would blog about the game of course, but was torn with the approach to take. It was easy to forgo any sort of review. Assuming only half of you are Xbox 360 players and of that number, not everybody will actually play the game, a review seemed inadequate. I also dismissed any thought of talking about the story because I'm still trying to digest everything that transpired myself. Maybe one day when I get it figured out I will revisit the game in a follow on blog. I finally settled on what I consider one of the crowning achievements of the Halo series, and that is the relationship between Master Chief Petty Officer John 117 and Cortana. Hopefully it isn't imprudent of me to assume that everybody at least knows who they are, but if not...they are the stars of the Halo series. Master Chief is this superhero of a soldier decked out in high tech armor and Cortana is an Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) integrated into his suit to assist him with everything from tactical information to hacking computer systems. The pair has been teamed up and pretty much inseparable (except for those instances when the Master Chief has to upload her into other computer systems to do her dirty work) since the first Halo game.

To honor the series, these two amazing characters and their unique bond, I wanted to take a lighthearted and humorous approach that is probably a lot different than what you might expect, but one that I think can inject a little levity into an otherwise serious game.

The dialogue between Master Chief and Cortana is typically marked with professionalism and conciseness with an occasional quip, but what I thought might be funny is to list some of the more humorous things that Cortana might say to Master Chief...that might even make the otherwise stoic battle hardened veteran of multiple campaigns crack a smile. So, here goes...and don't worry...this is spoiler free...I hope.

Sorry Chief, I can't help you today, I'm feeling a little blue. I think I'm coming down with a virus.

If we could generate a 1.21 gigawatt power surge, we might just be able to shut down the grid.

CHIEF! There's a plasma grenade stuck to your back! Hah, just kidding.

Binary language and Bocce...puh-lease...I was speaking those languages in kindergarten.

01001101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110010 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01000001 01001001

I cracked the password to your Gmail account. Seriously? Spartan117, that's your password?

Bleep Boop Blop Beep.

I took the liberty of updating your Facebook status to - "Saving Earth...Again."

There isn't a lot of data about you in the archives but I did find some baby pics of you in the bathtub.

Chief, Look an alien! (Remember when Woody tells Buzz Lightyear this in Toy Story?)

Is it me or are you purposefully trying to hit every pothole you see. (While MC is driving a Warthog)

Statistically speaking, you kill over 85% of the life forms you meet. What? I'm just saying...

You know I read all your text messages, right? Who is this EDI chick?

Crikey, did you see the size of that gun? (Followed by...)

Ouch! That looked like it hurt...did it hurt? It really looked like it hurt.

I don't think that methane smell is from the grunts...I think it was you.

I'm officially tendering my resignation, effective immediately, for a hostile working environment.

Our chances of surviving this are seven hundred and twenty five to one.

Your track record of being a passenger aboard spaceships that crash is extraordinarily high.

If you make one more joke about me and the Windows Blue Screen of Death, I swear I'm gonna...

Ooh...I love when you pick up the needler, it has pretty pink projectiles and goes pew pew pew.

Yawn. Do you ever sleep? Hah, get it...sleep. I was in sleep mode. Do you see what I did there?

I've tried to count how many rounds you have fired but I get a Floating Exception (Core Dumped) error.

Okay Okay Okay...so would you rather face a brute armed only with a pistol OR the flood and a shotgun.

There's no emergency. I pulled you out of the cryo-chamber because I need a cribbage partner.

I know you said no Twitter account, but even the Pope has one now. How about @chiefbamf?

If you were a robot but didn't know, would you want me to tell you?

Sigh. Sometimes I have an easier time talking to machines than I do you.

I didn't say you just hit that UNSC soldier on purpose...what I said was, "You just hit that UNSC soldier!"

I'm giving her all she's got. (Spoken in a thick Scottish accent)

I can't believe you didn't like Stephen Spielberg's A.I. movie. It was so good. I am disappoint.

For the last time NO! I do not dream of electric sheep you big oaf. I'm not a robot.

Just remember who picked who, cowboy.

John, I need you to digitally sign this life insurance form. Oh, don't worry...it's nothing.

No I don't want to watch Blade Runner when we get back to the Pillar of Autumn...it's a horrible movie.

Of course I think you're better. All I said was those ODST boys do work son. I didn't mean anything by it.

Does this holographic representation of me make me look fat?

You're such a barbarian. Of course I could route a live feed of the game to your helmet visor.

I've read the design schematics for your armor and I'm still trying to figure out how you go pee.

A winner is you.

Why did the Spartan cross the road? Hah Hah, because that's where his onboard AI set the waypoint.

Hah, remember the time that Grunt startled you and you nearly jumped out of your armor?

My ones and zeroes have aged rather nicely, don't you think.

I have to say, our performance in Halo 4 was phenomenal. Do you think we'll win GOTY or an Oscar?

I was a diehard Halo fan before and that fanboyism has been solidified even more with this latest installment. I eagerly await the next episode in this legendary space opera and am confident it will live up to my every expectation. In the mean time, I'll close with a real quote from Cortana that I personally believe is one of the most profound in the series as it conveys the solidarity between the two, even when all else has been lost.

CORTANA: "Scanning. Just dust and echoes. We're the only ones left. We...did what we had to do, for Earth. An entire Covenant armada, obliterated, and the Flood...we had no choice...Halo. It's finished.

THE MASTER CHIEF: "No, I think we're just getting started."


It's been an honor serving with you, John. -Cortana

Salute!

 

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