The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 11
Like many of you, I recently finished Halo 4 and felt a whole
spectrum of emotion over the events as they unfolded, right up until the very
end. It was a solid addition to the franchise that has amassed a cult like
following (of which I am an active member) and 343 Industries should (a)
breathe a huge sigh of relief and (b) pat themselves on the back for an
I knew I would blog
about the game of course, but was torn with the approach to take. It was easy
to forgo any sort of review. Assuming only half of you are Xbox 360 players and
of that number, not everybody will actually play the game, a review seemed
inadequate. I also dismissed any thought of talking about the story because I'm
still trying to digest everything that transpired myself. Maybe one day when I
get it figured out I will revisit the game in a follow on blog. I finally
settled on what I consider one of the crowning achievements of the Halo series,
and that is the relationship between Master Chief Petty Officer John 117 and
Cortana. Hopefully it isn't imprudent of me to assume that everybody at least
knows who they are, but if not...they are the stars of the Halo series. Master
Chief is this superhero of a soldier decked out in high tech armor and Cortana
is an Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) integrated into his suit to assist him
with everything from tactical information to hacking computer systems. The pair
has been teamed up and pretty much inseparable (except for those instances when
the Master Chief has to upload her into other computer systems to do her dirty
work) since the first Halo game.
To honor the series, these two amazing characters and their
unique bond, I wanted to take a lighthearted and humorous approach that is
probably a lot different than what you might expect, but one that I think can inject
a little levity into an otherwise serious game.
The dialogue between Master Chief and Cortana is typically
marked with professionalism and conciseness with an occasional quip, but what I
thought might be funny is to list some of the more humorous things that Cortana
might say to Master Chief...that might even make the otherwise stoic battle
hardened veteran of multiple campaigns crack a smile. So, here goes...and don't
worry...this is spoiler free...I hope.
Sorry Chief, I can't help you today, I'm feeling a little
blue. I think I'm coming down with a virus.
If we could generate a 1.21 gigawatt power surge, we might
just be able to shut down the grid.
CHIEF! There's a plasma grenade stuck to your back! Hah, just
Binary language and Bocce...puh-lease...I was speaking those
languages in kindergarten.
01001101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101101
01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110010
01110100 01100001 01101110 01100001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100
00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01100001 01101110
00100000 01000001 01001001
I cracked the password to your Gmail account. Seriously?
Spartan117, that's your password?
Bleep Boop Blop Beep.
I took the liberty of updating your Facebook status to -
There isn't a lot of data about you in the archives but I
did find some baby pics of you in the bathtub.
Chief, Look an alien! (Remember when Woody tells Buzz
Lightyear this in Toy Story?)
Is it me or are you purposefully trying to hit every pothole
you see. (While MC is driving a Warthog)
Statistically speaking, you kill over 85% of the life forms
you meet. What? I'm just saying...
You know I read all your text messages, right? Who is this
Crikey, did you see the size of that gun? (Followed by...)
Ouch! That looked like it hurt...did it hurt? It really looked
like it hurt.
I don't think that methane smell is from the grunts...I think
it was you.
I'm officially tendering my resignation, effective
immediately, for a hostile working environment.
Our chances of surviving this are seven hundred and twenty
five to one.
Your track record of being a passenger aboard spaceships
that crash is extraordinarily high.
If you make one more joke about me and the Windows Blue
Screen of Death, I swear I'm gonna...
Ooh...I love when you pick up the needler, it has pretty pink
projectiles and goes pew pew pew.
Yawn. Do you ever sleep? Hah, get it...sleep. I was in sleep
mode. Do you see what I did there?
I've tried to count how many rounds you have fired but I get
a Floating Exception (Core Dumped) error.
Okay Okay Okay...so would you rather face a brute armed only
with a pistol OR the flood and a shotgun.
There's no emergency. I pulled you out of the cryo-chamber
because I need a cribbage partner.
I know you said no Twitter account, but even the Pope has
one now. How about @chiefbamf?
If you were a robot but didn't know, would you want me to
Sigh. Sometimes I have an easier time talking to machines
than I do you.
I didn't say you just hit that UNSC soldier on purpose...what
I said was, "You just hit that UNSC soldier!"
I'm giving her all she's got. (Spoken in a thick Scottish
I can't believe you didn't like Stephen Spielberg's A.I.
movie. It was so good. I am disappoint.
For the last time NO! I do not dream of electric sheep you
big oaf. I'm not a robot.
Just remember who picked who, cowboy.
John, I need you to digitally sign this life insurance form.
Oh, don't worry...it's nothing.
No I don't want to watch Blade Runner when we get back to
the Pillar of Autumn...it's a horrible movie.
Of course I think you're better. All I said was those ODST
boys do work son. I didn't mean anything by it.
Does this holographic representation of me make me look fat?
You're such a barbarian. Of course I could route a live feed
of the game to your helmet visor.
I've read the design schematics for your armor and I'm still
trying to figure out how you go pee.
A winner is you.
Why did the Spartan cross the road? Hah Hah, because that's
where his onboard AI set the waypoint.
Hah, remember the time that Grunt startled you and you
nearly jumped out of your armor?
My ones and zeroes have aged rather nicely, don't you think.
I have to say, our performance in Halo 4 was phenomenal. Do
you think we'll win GOTY or an Oscar?
I was a diehard Halo fan before and that fanboyism has been
solidified even more with this latest installment. I eagerly await the next
episode in this legendary space opera and am confident it will live up to my
every expectation. In the mean time, I'll close with a real quote from Cortana
that I personally believe is one of the most profound in the series as it
conveys the solidarity between the two, even when all else has been lost.
CORTANA: "Scanning. Just dust and echoes. We're the
only ones left. We...did what we had to do, for Earth. An entire Covenant
armada, obliterated, and the Flood...we had no choice...Halo. It's finished.
THE MASTER CHIEF:
"No, I think we're just getting started."
It's been an honor serving with you, John. -Cortana
Bahahahahahaha! Thanks for another great blog, Saint!
"Your track record of being a passenger aboard spaceships that crash is extraordinarily high." My personal favorite lol. And there was a Blade Runner reference! But it involved it being horrible so I don't entirely know how to feel about that one yet...
These were great. I liked the references to Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and Blade Runner. You're a well-read guy, Saint.
Great stuff, I was cracking up.
Cool blog, very funny.
"I cracked the password to your Gmail account. Seriously? Spartan117, that's your password?" I laughed so hard when I read that one, and I don't know why.
Good times here Saint.
Had me crackin up Saint. Great stuff.
Very funny and I agree with you I think that Halo 4 was one of the most emotionally stirring games I have ever played. In addition, it finally made me actually care about Master Chief!
"I cracked the password to your Gmail account. Seriously? Spartan117, that's your password?"
Lol, I couldn't stop laughing at that one.
really well done. The amount of pre-meditation for these has to be up there. Unless you're just naturally this witty (which I guess could be the case for anyone).
Lol, great blog. So many of those were funny. "You're such a barbarian. Of course I could route a live feed of the game to your helmet visor." - It would have been funny if the game being mentioned happened to be Thrashball.
Great blog. Especially liked the EDI one.