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The gamer diet

Food is a necessity that oftentimes only serves to hinder a great gaming session.

Food requires time, effort and use of hands you don't often have available because this freaking 11-year-old is shouting in your ear over XBL insulting you for your lack of gaming skill during an intense session of "Left 4 Dead 2" but it's not your fault you're lost and everyone else is hogging the health packs, and can someone please help me with this boomer over here and ... and ... OK, what was I saying?

Right, food. Look, I'm not claiming to be some sort of Rachael Ray, or even Ray-J, but I've developed some food philosophies over the years. Here are a few of the delectable gaming delights:

Diet Staple: Cheetos and Mountain Dew(s).

Ease of Use: High

Taste Value: High

Nutrional Value: Zero

The ol' standby. This is our meat and potatoes. You've got 3-4 hours of Halo 3 multiplayer to go. You don't feel like making anything, but you need energy and nourishment. Mountain Dew is freakishly delicious, and also one soda/pop I'm not willing to go Diet on. Cheetos are the perfect match, and are easy to pop in the mouth in between popping someone in the head during a deathmatch.

One major drawback: You need a game you can pause easily, or at least has two-minute gaps in action, because of this mathematical equation: 1 Mountain Dew = 2 Bathroom Breaks. This is science.

Diet Staple: The sandwich and a glass of milk.

Ease of Use: Medium

Taste Value: Variable

Nutritional Value: Medium, unless it's just bacon and peanut butter

Look, I love sandwiches. You just take two pieces of bread, and you can literally put anything in between them, and it automatically becomes a sandwich. Turkey breast. Boom. Potato chips. Boom. Salami. Boom. That's already a heck of a sandwich.

The key here is to avoid filling the sandwich too full, at which point everything winds up in your lap. Your "Battlefield 2" squadmates won't appreciate the high-pitched squealing that occurs when a mayonnaise and tomato explosion winds up down your shorts.

As for the beverage, does anything wash down a wheat and mustard, ham and a turkey, bacon and tomato sandwich better than a glass of milk? Nope.  

Diet Staple: Frozen Pizza, plus any beverage

Ease of Use: Low

Taste Value: Medium

Nutritional Value: Low, if you get any of the good kinds

This is the most economical solution, especially if you're like me and hit up Pick N' Save's 5 pizzas for $10 deal every other week.

While you have to deal with a 400-degree oven and find time to slice the thing, there's no question frozen pizza is relatively quick and delicious. You do wind up with grease on your hands, and have to worry about sliding and scalding-hot cheese, but man cannot live on Cheetos and sandwiches alone.

Warning: Many of these snacks have a major drawback. No, it's not calories, saturated fat or sugar. It's that you get crap all over your hands. This thin film can't be taken off with just a napkin or a paper towel. Not only that, it gets all over the controller, and then at some point, you'd have to clean it. And nobody wants that.

Everything can be solved with this magical elixir — it can clean countertops and babies bottoms alike. I'm talkin' bout wetnaps.

The wraps it up. What are your go-to staple foods?

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