ORLANDO, Florida—In a surprise move today, Steve Jobs , CEO of Apple Inc. , and Peter Molyneux , Crative Director of Microsoft Game Studios held a joint press conference to announce that they were going to collaborate with one another to begin formulating the best idea ever.

“Now don’t get too excited,” said Jobs .

“we’re just in the brainstorming phase.”

Mr. Molyneux immediately interjected with a somewhat different assessment.

“Actually, you should be very excited. When you see what we’re thinking about possibly creating at some point, you’re going to be amazed. Your very definition of existence will be changed forever.”

The two men who ruin the world's Gini Coefficient for intellect

Jobs , who has just completed work on his latest pinnacle of human technological achievement, the iPad (move over Large Hadron Collider), and Molyneux, creator of electronic entertainment which has finally explained with perfect clarity the true nature of ethics, morality, and the concept of the human soul, will now tackle their most ambitious project ever: something.

“It’s going to have the biggest screen yet…and maybe even Flash support. Whatever it ends up being.” Asserted a visibly animated Jobs .

“What my colleague here means is that this is going to open a really big window into the deepest, most profound ideas and concepts that we as a society have delved into throughout our history. Well, almost. They won’t be as big as the idea that we’re talking about. Think of this as an ‘idea ark’ for every other great thought that has ever existed. That’s what we’re going for, and I think we’re almost there. Look for us around Q3 2014, though we’ll have sporadic updates between now and then, probably with more fanfare than this.” said Molyneux.

“Actually, what the hell is this? Where’s my 12 foot cardboard standee? And balloons. I love balloons. Why don’t we have balloons, Steve?” he added.

Mr. Jobs reportedly opened his “Pictures of Balloons” iPhone app and handed the device to Molyneux so that he could amuse himself for the remainder of the press conference.

Steve Jobs attempts to demonstrate the idea's treatment of metaphysical objectivism

Though both Jobs and Molyneux commented extensively throughout the course of the six hour long presentation, there was little indication as to what they may or may not be conceptualizing, or whether or not it might even be embodied in physical form at some point. The final hour and a half of the conference was entirely occupied by a stream of consciousness-like rant from Molyneux which covered a seemingly infinite number of topics, including the linkage between Chef Boyardee and pancreatic cancer, whether or not one can trust the expiration dates on the milk at the N. Roosevelt Ave. Deli & Convenience Mart, and the 1970s toy sensation “Weeble Wobbles,” produced by Hasbro, Inc, and how one can, in fact, make them fall down. The epic diatribe was only interrupted when Orlando Airport Marriott staff members informed attendees that the main ballroom needed to be cleared to accommodate the National Association of Pipe Coating Applicators’ annual post-conference cocktail reception later that evening.

Mr. Jobs was less forthcoming in his prediction on a release date:

“This is really something that’s going to be in the tank for a while as we rework it and make sure that we’re going in the right direction. I mean, innovation is really, really hard. And we want to make sure that we’re innovating. That can take a while. But as soon as we have something, you’ll be the first to know.”

“The world will never be the same again.” offered Molyneux.

A Few Details of the Idea

Immediately following the press conference, buzz was overwhelmingly positive among the few journalists in attendance to witness the beginning of the end of history (predicted, as it turns out, about 20 years too early by noted philosopher Francis Fukuyama).

“I have no idea what those guys were talking about, but it was definitely brilliant.” said Orlando Sentinel intern Mike Forbes.

Other comments ranged from “beyond mortal comprehension” to “the greatest announcement of a forthcoming idea of all time.”

God, among the attendees at at the press conference, was reportedly awestruck by the idea's potential

A lone detractor cited Apple’s formulaic and increasingly derivative approach to product development, as well as Molyneux’s tendency to vastly overstate the scope and ambition of his projects in advance of their release, and had the nerve to further suggest that a joint effort between the two visionaries might suffer the same shortcomings. He was promptly stoned by all others in attendance.

Jobs wrapped up the press conference with one final surprise, segueing into it with his trademark “And one more thing…”  preamble before opening his fly and urinating all over the first row of the audience.