Having wondered who Williamon was after reading several of his blogs, I decided to interview him to find out more. It turned out to be extremely hard to contact Williamon, so in my head I pretended to interview him. This is a transcription of my thoughts.


*Williamon enters, PSychotic rises to shake his hand.*

PSychotic: So glad you could make it, Mr. Williamon.

Williamon: I'm glad I could be here, Jack.

*Both Williamon and PSychotic take a seat.*

PS: My name's not Jack and if you don't mind me asking, what's with the blood on your face?

*Williamon checks his face, notices the blood.*

W: Oh, I was just interviewing Sam Fischer. We had to meet in an alley, he said it was the only 'secure place.' When I got there, he snuck out from the shadows and put me in a headlock. Fischer started screaming WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER? WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER? and put a glock to my head.

PS: And?

W: Realizing Fischer was going to kill me, I decided to explode. This was a doubly effective technique, as it both killed Fischer and helped relieve my lower back pain.

PS: You killed Sam Fischer? What the f##k man?!? Who's going to star in the next SplinterCell game?

*Williamon ponders his actions and my words.*

W: Those two guys for the co-op Conviction campaign?

PS: They killed each other, just like you killed Sam Fischer.

W: Well, I don't have any other ideas. No skin off my bone, anyway. I never liked SplinterCell.

*Awkward silence.*

*Williamon licks blood off of face.*

PS: What the f##k?

W: After I exploded, I bought a hot dog. This is just ketchup.

*Awkward silence.*


PS: Okay... Let's actually start the interview. What do you have to say to critics that claim you are, and I quote myself, 'a sell-out who stopped being funny when he was born?'

W: I would respond by saying that they have obviously not read this blog.

PS: Thank you.

W: Yes, I am something to be thankful for.

PS: Question 2. How would you respond to critics who say that, I quote, 'all your interviews end in violence?'

W: Are you quoting yourself?

PS: I may be.

*Williamon takes out a glock and tucks it snuggly under my chin.*

W: I would tell them nothing and instead, would introduce them to the late Mr.Fischer's glock.

*Pulls back the hammer. It clicks.*

PS: Two things. One, you just told me something, negating your statement. Two, pulling back the hammer of a gun does NOTHING. AT ALL. The hammer automatically strikes when you pull the trigger.

*Williamon pulls the hammer back even further. It clicks again.*

PS: You can't pull it back so far that it clicks twice!

*Williamon pulls the hammer back so far, it breaks off.*

PS: Look, now you just broke your gun.

W: I'll throw the bullet so hard that it will go through you. Okay?

PS: Okay.

W: Now I want you to write me out of here with some epic escape or exit.

PS: Fine.

*Williamon's cell starts playing The Final Countdown.*

W: Give me a sec.

*Williamon answers his cell and starts mumbling.*

W: I have to cut this interview short. Chuck Norris just called and we're getting into a fistfight.

*Williamon punches me across the room, making my apartment collapse. He then starts flying, high-fiving Abe Lincoln and Gandhi on his way out.*

PS: What a BAMF.