As I'm writing this, I'm in the midst of a weekend trip to Minneapolis to visit my son Dan.  It's the first time I've been here since he moved north last August to work for Game Informer.  While he was home over winter break, he posted a blog documenting the various weird crap at his mother's house. I assumed that his apartment would be chock-full of man-child oddities, but I wasn't fully prepared for the onslaught of stupidity that awaited me.  The following is a gallery of pictures that I took while here to document the madness.

Directly over the stove (which always has some type of flammable item sitting on it - papers, Chinese menus, etc.) there looms a stuffed Donkey Kong with some type of headgear wrapped around his forehead.  I have no idea why this is here. That thought will be a recurring theme throughout this tour.

In the kitchen cupboard, alongside a crockpot looking thing, is a Ramones thermos.  I'm guessing that neither of these items ever get any use.  At least I'm hoping they don't.  One item will surely result in a fire, the other in public humiliation.

This particular item has to be in the top 5 apartment oddities.  It's some type of hat that for no apparent reason is in the shape of a turkey.  I can't imagine any scenario where this type of headgear would be considered appropriate.  Not even Thanksgiving, unless you happen to be the the token Weird Uncle of the family.

A replica (I'm assuming) of a UFC title belt.  It must be a replica, as I don't recall any phase of his life where he was involved in any type of mixed martial arts.  Even if he had been, he certainly wouldn't have won any title belts, as I can still kick his ass, and I'm in my late 60's.

Another kitchen peculiarity.  An inflatable, light-in-the-loafers panda bear.  Don't know how he got this, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.

Some Mushroom thing that has something to do with Mario Brothers.  I wanna say it's an Oompa-Loompa, but I seriously doubt that's correct.

The sad part about this item is the fact that I actually bought this for him.  Night-vision goggles.  I bet those come in real handy...

Perched atop his cable box is some weird Lego spaceship thing.  He told me it took 10 hours to assemble.  Now there's time well spent.

I'm not a South Park fan but I recognize this as being a character from that show.  Cartman?......Kenny?......Lenny?....  Squiggy?  Whoever it is, it's resting on the floor of the apartment in a creepy manner for all to see.

More Legos crap.  It's everywhere in this room where maturity goes to die.

Tiny little Mario Brothers characters assembled in front of a Star Wars light-stick thingy.  I know it's not called that, but I take a certain pride in NOT knowing what it's called.

As I've been sleeping on the couch this weekend, I couldn't help but notice this thing sticking out from behind the couch.  Against my better judgement, I asked him what it was.  It's a microphone stand.  I guess that's where it's supposed to be stored.  Doesn't really explain why he has this, however.

He has about 413 books sitting atop the toilet.  He obviously spends a lot of time on the throne, or is a very fast reader.

I found out the hard way what these are.  Three different alarm clocks, all three of which have incredibly annoying ways of waking you up.  One of them actually rolls across the floor when it goes off, while making increasingly obnoxious alarm sounds.  Makes for a very soothing peaceful start to your day I'm sure.

There are two of these in the apartment.  Fireworks in the form of small tanks.

My fault again.  I was the original owner of this when I was in my late teens.  I gave it to Dan recently.  I really hope that he doesn't ever wear it out in public, although it would make for a great contraceptive if he does.

A full-size sword that weighs approximately 8,000 pounds.  It's displayed proudly on the wall of his bedroom.  It will surely come in handy for self-defense once people read this and attempt to break into his apartment to steal all of these precious collectibles.

A picture of the contents of his bedroom closet, which despite living in Minnesota consists of 432 T-shirts and scarcely anything else.

Directly above the pillows on his bed are a Batman book and random Nerf pellets.  This may be a telling hint of some sexual deviancy, but I'd rather not think about it.

A picture of Pee Wee Herman (See Batman note above).

A Mario Brothers chess set.  Dan really has a knack for taking an intelligent activity and adding a layer of stupidity on top of it.

Despite being surrounded by this onslaught of stupidity, it's been a great weekend, and he's been a great host.  Now back to KC tomorrow in hopes of salvaging what I have left of my I.Q.