Sometimes, you just have to wonder if others think at all before opening their mouths...

This is going to be a somewhat short and bittersweet blog tonight largely due to the fact that I've been spending all weekend working on projects and having family/friend visits, and I only recently got back home so I am exhausted from the long car trip, super clingy kitty and baby who was refusing to go to sleep.  I also still have not gotten back my full size laptop, so I am cramming my fingers on this netbook smaller-than-normal keyboard and hopefully my fingers won't tie themselves in knots in the process.

So, anyway!  I love Thanksgiving-I can go see my family and I can enjoy some tasty hearty food.  Plus there's always the fun of visiting my hometown and looking at what has changed and what is the same.

Unfortunately, while family can be fun and enjoyable, there is inevitable drama of the tragic sit-com variety-you know, the belligerent/teary drunken cousin who refuses to get into a treatment program for her alcohol problem, and the uncle who has far too conservative political opinions for my taste.  And, as I was staying at my parent's house for the holiday and weekend, I got to spend a lot of time around my mom and dad, which wasn't exactly my favorite thing to do. 

This migraine brought to you by FAMILY DRAMA (and the letter NO U)!

You see, my father is never impressed about what I'm doing.  I told him about my recent raise/promotion and he just started going on about how I wasn't working at a job in what I majored in (Modern Literature with a minor in Education, for those of you who haven't read my autobiography, lol).  Sure, I write, but mostly for fun/unpaid, and my reasoning for doing it is largely to do with the fact that once you attach dollar signs to your writing, it stops being about YOU and starts being about PROFIT/MONEY MAKING.  Sure, I eventually want to publish some of the stuff that I write, but I don't want some editor telling me that I need to listen to some focus group because I need to be commercially marketable so that I will make money at it.  To me, writing is kind of like art-it's meant to be enjoyable and appreciated by others, but the REASON for doing it has nothing to do with wanting more green in my wallet (although getting more money can be nice for the finances).

It just bugs me that the majority of the time, my talents and accomplishments are ignored in lieu for the "bottom line" (ie: how much money I have).  Who cares if I paint or sew amazing pieces of art? I don't have a new car and a huge mansion, so therefore what I do is worthless!   This attitude seems to pop up its ugly little capitalist head everywhere I go, and nowhere can I feel this more than when family members bring it up, like my education was a waste or something.

"WHAT?! YOU AREN'T A BILLIONAIRE AFTER GETTING YOUR BACHELOR'S DEGREE?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

I understand that when my dad was young and going to school, you generally went to college to get a degree which you directly used in your career.  Today, that's not quite as common.  Most people go to  college to get better-than-high-school knowledge and to rub shoulders with People Who Know People so that you can secure a place in an entry level job position.  And most people know that now, you need a Master's or PHd to get a high-paying job in a specific career. The rest of us wait tables, sit behind kiosks and work our butts off in the service industry to pay rent, eat a bit of food and maybe see a movie from time to time.  Not all of us can afford unpaid internships (which are generally now seen as "mandatory" to get that entry level temp position).  So we do what we have to do.

Pictured above: The preferred mode of sleeping for the average college student after working a shift in retail and a full day of classes.

Sure, I know that in some way, my father is proud of me, but it just seems that every time I talk to him, he's complaining like he wasted his money on helping me go to college (they only paid for two years of tuition only-I got a scholarship to cover my first two years and I paid for all living and book expenses myself for the last two years).  And it can get a bit tiring after awhile to be seen as a failure unless I become the next Bill Gates.

Unless I become the Bill Gates of tie-blankets and pony key chains, I think that's probably not going to happen...

But then, I was thinking, isn't this what being an indie game developer must be like?  You slave away, doing things you love, creating a game with your elbow grease and pure will and then you somehow get it up on the downloadable game market for a console or handheld and people either ignore it or it sells badly.  The game could be great, it could even become a "cult classic" or become a sleeper success by indie standards, yet people will never put it in the same category as the Mass Effects and Black Ops of the gaming world.

I suppose to some extent, this is a heavily American thing- we don't see people who are less successful than the MOST successful people to be successful at all.  As is often said in the football locker rooms across the country, "Second place is the first loser."

To me, this is absolutely BS.  Just because not everyone can be the best does not mean that things that are different than what we herald as the crown jewel of the universe are simply worthless.  I'm not talking about those stupid self-esteem "everyone gets an award for trying"  competitions, but simply recognizing talent and ability for its own sake-not simply based only on whether someone "wins" or not.

Sometimes winning actually ISN'T everything...

I know that being one of those people in glass houses high above the rush and rabble of the average Joes of the world is where people often aspire to be, but for me, I simply want to live a life of joy, with simple pleasures, low stress, and being able to fulfill my creative desires and share them with others.  For me, writing is not about a paycheck, and it would largely kill my soul to churn out pages of drivel about "10 Ways to Please Your Man" or "Hot Celebrity Trends".  To me, being a writer is to tap into that spark of creativity that resides in the synapses of your brain, that charge of awesome raw power that flows through the fingers into written word.  It is most certainly not about strapping yourself to the pen and writing tedium until your eyes give out and your hands gnarl into unrecognizable claws.

So, I'm sorry Dad, (he doesn't read my blog but oh well), but I'm probably not going to be a millionaire.  Guess you should have sent me to Millionaire college to get a degree in being a millionaire, huh?

***********

So, what do you think about this idea of "money=worth doing" that goes on in our society? 

Do you think that the worth of a person can be measured in dollar bills or by how "successful" they are? 

And do you think it is reasonable to expect a person to reach commercial success by 27 years of age?

I guess I live in a completely different universe than people like my dad.  Perhaps if I was born to a rich family to begin with, I might already have made a million dollars, but as it is, I've worked up from nothing, with no one knowing me at all, and I feel that all things considered, I would say that I've accomplished quite a lot in my short time on this planet. 

I guess, in the end, the only person you ever ought to do your best to measure up to is your own inner critic.

Here's hoping that all your Thanksgiving leftovers are yummy and plentiful! :)