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Fantasy Football For Gamers

Recently, my blog posts have been of a somewhat serious nature, though treated with some humor where appropriate. This time around, I want to have a little more fun.

Like many other offices around the country mine participates annually in Fantasy Football. For those unfamiliar with this game, you have a series of people who take up the role of managers who draft a team made up of professional sports players with no player permitted to be selected more than once. Statistics for each week and each player are tallied (receptions, yards run, touchdowns, etc…) and each manager gets points based on these statistics for the players they have selected. On a weekly basis, you are put head to head against another manager’s team and the team with the highest score of that matchup wins.

Outside of my first year playing when I won the whole pot (which was a fluke), I get my backside handed to me on a plate every year we play (my coworkers are all walking sports statistics computers). The other day, my coworkers were mocking my most recent loss when one tried to cheer me up by saying I would be killing them if the players were video game characters. This got me thinking: who would I draft if that were the case?

After much deliberation, I have selected my team based on specific qualifications for each position. Without further delay, I present my Video Game Fantasy Football Team:

Quarterback
The quarterback position on any football team is important. If you have watched football at all this season, you would see this exemplified by the Indianapolis Colts. Upon losing their quarterback to injuries/surgeries, they have begun a slippery slope to the worst team currently in the NFL (as of this writing, the Colts are 0-10 for the season). Therefore, it is important that you quarterback can take a hit just as well as he can throw the ball. Also, he needs to be able to scramble in the pocket and lead a team.

Q: THE Optimus Prime

Based on these above qualifications, I have selected Optimus Prime (the Transformers series) to be my quarterback. He has led the Autobots for ages with the Matrix of Leadership. He is a nimble robot who can take a hit. And with all that practice throwing Decepticons on the battlefield, I’m sure a football will be no problem. As an added bonus, his robotic parts most likely include some kind of targeting system, making him deadly accurate with his throwing arm.

Running Backs
In football, a team’s running backs need to be quick and agile. They need to be able to break tackles and slink through the defensive line to see daylight. Once they see that daylight, they need to be able to turn on the speed and outrun any defenders trying to catch up. Therefore, in my running back positions, I have selected: Sonic the Hedgehog (the Sonic series), Juggernaut (X-Men), and Augustus Cole (Gears of War).

RB: Sonic (hopefully there are rings so he doesn't lose his way to the endzone)

Anyone who has played or watched the sonic series being played knows that Sonic himself is fast, his name says it all. At the same time, he is nimble and quick on his feet. The only area he might need to work on is rolling himself into a ball, at some point the refs might put a play into slow motion and identify him as down during his rolling routine.

RB: Juggernaut

Juggernaut lives up to his namesake; he is one giant battering ram. Though not terribly quick, his abilities as a mutant allow him to bowl people over like corn stalks and, sometimes, a little brute force is just what is necessary to break through a tough defense. Let’s just hope he doesn’t lose his helmet…

RB: Augustus "The Cole Train Runs on Whole Wheat, Baby, WHOOO" Cole

Every position needs some experience and direction, a position’s captain, if you will. At the same time, that leader needs to be able to get on the field and do the work themselves and not just sit the sidelines and coach. Augustus Cole has years of experience as a thrashball player as well as killing the Locust horde as a COG soldier. WOOOOOO-WOOOO, HERE COMES THE COLE TRAIN!

Wide Receivers
Though speed is important in the position of a wide receiver, I believe it is more important to be able to slink away from your opponents and get open in the field. From there, it is a matter of a good quarterback and good hands to catch the ball. As I selected three running backs, I selected only two wide receivers: Ezio Auditore de Firenze (Assassin’s Creed series) and a Wizzrobe (Legend of Zelda series).

WR: Ezio Auditore de Firenze (the league may go through lots of balls if he can't keep those knives in)

Ezio has it where it counts for this position: speed, agility, a bunch of smoke bombs, and hidden knives. Just as he can slip away from dozens of angry city guards, I am banking on Ezio slipping around his defenders to make those important catches with nimble hands. Granted, he won’t have rooftops to help hide himself, but we have all seen him escape with much less. Hopefully the opposing team doesn’t have any contracts out on them; it could lead to a couple of major flags on the field.

RB: Wizzrobe (mocking his 8-bit awesomeness is a bad idea)

If you watched Reiner and Phil (and their many guests) play through the original Legend of Zelda in their Super Replay episode as I did, you will see the Wizzrobes become one of the most annoying enemies of all time (right next to the pulsating pancakes). Wizzrobes have the ability to attack and then disappear, only to reappear somewhere else. What could be better for any wide receiver than being able to confuse your defender by disappearing for a minute and gaining some serious ground during the confusion?

Tight End
The tight end’s position is important, though its importance tends to get overshadowed by the glamour of the positions mentioned before.  It is rare to see any headline saying the game was won by a tight end, generally the quarterback led the team to victory or a wide receiver/running back made some stellar play to “save the day”. Therefore, the tight end position needs to be able to do their job thanklessly. In addition, they need to be able to sneak past the defense and get themselves in a wide open position to act as a short-distance backup receiver. With these qualifications in mind, I have selected Solid Snake at the position of tight end.

TE: Solid Snake

Let’s face it, when the day has been saved and the world is safe, Snake never sees the credit and never cares that he doesn’t. To top it off, when the chips are down, Snake could slip his way through a battlefield full of fully armed enemies without being seen. Top that off with Snake’s extensive background in close quarters combat, and he becomes the most qualified individual I can think of.  I wonder if they'd let him bring a cardboard box onto the field? Sadly, with his advanced aging, he may have a very short career and a backup on the bench.

Defense
Defensive lines are scary. They are generally made up of massive guys who eat little guys for breakfast with a side of eggs and ham; they are the sumo wrestlers of the west. Generally not the most personable people on the field, their duty is to be intimidating and imposing, seeking to destroy the other team’s quarterback. With this in mind, I have the selected the Weapons from Final Fantasy VII: Sapphire, Ultimate, Diamond, Ruby, and Emerald.

D: The Weapons (Where's the side of ham and eggs?)

With the Weapons as my defense, I would be ready to kill, quite literally. The sheer size of the weapons would make a passing team weep and I imagine the number of sacks leading to hospitalization or death would be the leading statistic of this defense. Anyone who has faced any of these weapons in battle knows how long those fights last and how difficult they are. Given this, and their ability to intimidate, I feel the Weapons make the perfect defense.

Kicker
Kickers are the shunned step-child of the football team. But, when it comes down to the wire, it is your kicker that saves the day. In my one winning season of fantasy football, I won the whole thing because of a kicker’s inability to make a 35 yard field goal, winning my final matchup by a single point. For me, this has underscored the importance of this little focused-on position. Therefore, I have selected Guile (the Street Fighter series) for this position.

K: Guile...seriously, look at that kick!

Honestly, I cannot go on for a seriously long time about this. Guile’s spin kick is a beast. I imagine it could get some serious hang-time and distance. For that alone, Guile is the man I need as my kicker.

Obviously, my team is not 100% perfect and I am sure plenty of you can find flaws in it. I am interested to hear what everyone else would do. Who would you draft if you could and why?

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