I've been threatening to write this blog for a while now (mostly due to Hannibal's praise of Zelda) and I figure since now I am (sort of) moved into my new (empty) apartment (we're waiting for everything to arrive on the truck still) that now is an alright time to actually get down to brass tacks. So here we go. No I'll preface this by stating that I limited my choices in two ways: 1. the characters have to be video game originals. It would be too easy to stick someone like Batman or Superman on here. B. I have to have at least some experience with the characters. I realize that this severely limits the choices I have, but I figure it's better than putting my foot in my mouth. Here we go!


I get it. Dude's angry. Sold his soul, had to kill his family, broke his promise, on a revenge streak. But...seriously? The entire game you're acting like the biggest *** in the world on a slaughter spree. You may as well play Splatterhouse. Sure the guy's arm chains are cool (blades of Athena?) and I'm not sure why he has wolf heads on his arms but they're pretty awesome as well, but come on. I think one of the reasons so many people get upset with GI on their timeline jokes about GOW inventing Greek mythology is because so many gamers actually think that way. Somehow Kratos has been forever integrated into a mythical belief system dated thousands of years ago. Congratulations?


I honestly think that the biggest reason Sabin is such a heralded character is he suplexed a ghost train. While, yes, an impressive feat, gamers therefore think that Sabin has mystical powers and use him for the rest of the game. Having played this game again fairly recently, I again came to the conclusion about 2/3 into it that Sabin is a functionally useless character. He is outshone by so many more (albeit less flashy) characters in your roster. Heck, I think even Locke at the end was a better performer on my team. Of course, it's possible I broke the game. I don't know if this is supposed to happen, but I was casting four 1MP ultimas per person per turn due to the relics I had. Even Setzer was better.

The Master Chief

I just heard the gasps and faints. Yes, I know I'm a huge Halo fanboy. And yes, I realize that, well, the Chief is boring. He's a faceless supersoldier in the future bred entirely for war. While that makes for a cool template, that's all it is. Throughout the games, he never becomes more than a cardboard copy for what the gamer is. I may as well be playing Skyrim in space. I would also like to note: if you read the books, disregard this statement. He is fantastic in the books as they delve into the psychologically scarred hero that has watched nearly every friend die in some way and still has to silently push on. An outcast whose only companionship is an imaginary blue friend. But without these stories, he becomes only useful for pithy one liners. "What if you miss?" "I won't." Puh-leeze. I don't understand why he gets love while the infinitely more interesting Arbiter is reviled.

Princess Zelda

She may as well have done this in every one of her games

Now comes the crown jewel: the most overrated character is Princess Zelda. For a legendary series that bears her name you would think that she'd actually get some face time. The Legend of Zelda? Nope. Zelda is the Princess Peach of the Hyrule universe. She gets captured, Link goes out with his wooden sword and shield made of bark and pokes things until he finds her. Link is, without a doubt, awesome, but why he continually goes to save this woman is beyond me. She's boring. She's condescending. Think about every Zelda game you've played. When was she even an actual character? That's right, in Skyward Sword. In Twilight Princess she was such a pathetic character I was angry every time she was on screen. I don't want to give any spoilers, but the part she played in the downfall of the kingdom was embarrassing. The only time that Zelda was cool was when she wasn't acting like herself. Ocarina of Time? Wind Waker (although I did love her in this game)? Sure she was awesome...until it was revealed who she was. Where did the ninja girl go when you're battling Ganon in the ruins of a crumbled tower? Pick the sword up and throw it to me woman!

There you have it. My most overrated characters. I understand that many will disagree and, you know what? I'm okay with that. Just remember the next time you play as the Master Chief: Skyrim in space.