aaawwwww u guys r sooo sweet, and weird looking half of u lol, anyway yeeaaa buddy today is my birthday, and i have been walking(crawling for 2/4 of it) Gods green earth for 25 years (thats like 12.5 or sumthing years for those who cant count fractions:3), and boy i can tell u, it sucks!!! no seriously it does, i woke up this morning without even giving it another thought, as in not even thinking about it. it took my mother to tell me happy bday for me to realize it and be all like, well dang, my memory sucks. IM GETTING OLD FOR SURE*cries and eats a piece of cheese cake*, and thats all because for the last 6 or 7 years i have been really down and depressed on sum of the things that r going on in my life. 

25 years old + no video game console = pms to the 5th power, just thought id throw that out there. but yea im a gameless gamer today, dont cry for me because it'll be ok soon enough. i had a big hope to have had sum games by now but i have to wait a bit longer i guess. oh and in case ur wondering, the nutts really doesnt have any family to speak of, thats also why i said the past hand full of years have been really bad for me. and thats only a piece of it. but anyway im not going to go on about that, im happy to see another day and be blessed to have all my limbs in working order so that i can use them. that i can say.

my goodness, 25 years. thats an achievement no Xbox game can give me, thats a trophy that i can win on Ps3 online, thats sumthing that takes experience to gain, i cant even remember what my life was like when i was a kid in sum cases, i mean i remember things and faces and names, but alot of my past is a blur and best left where it is, jeez i feel like Cloud Strife all of a sudden lol, like im letting go of things that i couldnt control and friends that ive lost...... anyway im better now with all that. all the losses and hardship  has totally been worth it and i wouldnt change anything even if i could..... ok im lying, i would totally change that time i got my finger shut up in a door.

pardon me while i reflect here and there in this blog about my past and what has made the nutts who he is today. see when i was young, no one liked me very much or at least that was my conception. as i progressed through school and through life i found myself becoming very self conscious and packed full of low self esteem, i was skinny and way nerdy in every thing i did. i can honestly laugh at myself now because i was, in a word, pathetic. at least pathetic looking. like i didnt have a mother or dad that actually luvd me. my clothes were always ragged and low budget, i came from very meager backgrounds and from a very meager family. i was picked on all my life for things i would do or things i would say, the way i dressed and even walked. i was beat up and stolen from as a kid, lied to and made fun of more times than i can count. told by one teacher that i would never be anything in life to my face and fatherless since i was born, with my father being there, but not there if that makes sense.

as i grew older still i found a new set of depression in being homelessness. sumthing u may not know about me is that im still recovering, both myself and my mother, from homelessness. 7 years of it to be exact. yea its majpr and sumthing u probably expect to hear or read about on here but im being candid with u in this blog of reflection. so i know what it is to go without, because ive hit the bottom before, so i can relate in just that aspect of life in general. bear in mind im not looking for simpathy or compassion from anyone who reads things, just acceptance that this is a real blog about a real guy who has gone through sum real stuff. and respect that.

im coming out of that point in my life at this moment, i have good ppl in my life that, while they dont make up for blood family, have made me feel better and have accepted me as a family member. 25 years is a long time to live and its even longer if u dont have good guidance, so i encourage all my younger friends on here to cherish what u have, be it a older brother in ur life, mother, dad, friends, teacher, and the things u have. dont take them for granted. they could all dissapear anytime. be happy. accept the things u cant change and live not just for today, be thankfull for everything u have.