being that this is my blog and i can pretty much go where i want to wuth it, let me touch on a subject that is pretty close to my heart. family. see earlier today i went by and uncle of mines house to see how he was doing. mind u this was never done to me by him when i was little. in the midst of me doing that, i discovered he and my aunt (his wife) were without food. now, im a very generous person when i have it, ask anyone who really knows me, so i felt for him because i know what thats like. needless to say i helped him out with sum groceriesn no problem. my problem is that why after all the years of wanting his luv and acceptance of me, why is it me who shows compassion to a man that ive very rarely known? i do believe in God and im a believer of He who saved me, but why? why after all the years of rejection is it now that "family" wants to be a "family", why not back when i needed it the most, wanted it the most? idk, maybe its stupid for me to even ask such a question, maybe i should just go on and never confront my family on why they were so distant and why i never felt any luv from any of them. even now i feel nuthing but dull emotions for my family.

like i said, maybe im the one with the problem, maybe i shouldnt ask questions that no one can seem to really, but only give butt advice on. am i wrong for wanting a family? am i wrong for saying to my uncle "hey, u were never there for me, why should i care whether u eat or not, i never knew u", or 2 my grandmother who not only let my mother be abused as she was growing up, but was only concerned with money while i knew her "u know what, i hope u burn in hell for everything u have done to me and ur daughter".... i feel that way sumtimes. just sharing that with u all to let u in on how i am. its not all games in my life and happiness and jokes. i do have my scars, same as anyone, but not everyones r the same, neither do everyones scars take as long to heal. keep that in mind before any of u start to try and bash my post with moronic banter. anyway, im going to continue to be cordial to my family, God will bless me and soon, ill be the one they may need to call on. the very one they ignored.