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So I finally got around to looking up what WGWC is, instead of just looking perplexedly at all the blogs titled WGWC #__. I think it's a really cool idea, and as such have decided to tackle a few challenges. Starting with Number 4--go to IGeNerator Story Generator and pick a randomly generated title that you can make a story out of. I ended up with the Top Ten Most Uncomfortable Babes in Videogames. I think the title says it all.
Ammy may be goddess, and a pretty snazzy-looking wolf, but it must be uncomfortable to rely on a tiny, slightly-perverted painter to do the talking for you. I mean, seriously, when you first met him, he was hanging out in the bosom of a tree spirit with a dislike for clothes. Also, he's got to be pretty darn itchy. However, when Ammy gets really upset, she just slobbers all over him, so that is why she is only number 10 on this list.
9. Bridget--Guilty Gear
So, Bridget is a guy. I could go into the story of how his village thought identical twins were evil, so his parents raised him as a girl, but I won't. Bridget identifies himself as a guy, so it's pretty awkward when everyone who ever sees him thinks he's a babe and tries to pick him up. The only thing more uncomfortable than realizing you just had nasty thoughts about a dude--having to explain to people why you cross dress when they hit on you.
What's more uncomfortable than being constantly watched and tormented by a malevolent AI baiting you with the promise of cake? And did you see the "Relaxation Chamber"? She can't even go to the bathroom in private.
I couldn't even walk across a room in those pumps, much less fight hordes of enemies. And that leather? That must be hot and uncomfortable. How can she even maneuver in that? Doesn't it ride and stick?
6. Ivy--Soul Caliber
So, what exactly is keeping her boobs in place? A strip of velvet? Sorry to disappoint, but boob physics are not "realistic" if a strip of velvet keeps those melons in place while she fights. And look, we made it to the thong section of this article. But, don't worry folks, her arm has armor on it, so she's good. I mean, it's not like she has any important organs in her chest or anything.
5. Elise--Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)
She kissed a giant blue hedgehog. Do I really need to elaborate any further?
Samus spends half her games curled up into a ball, bouncing off of walls. Ouch. Plus, that zero suit doesn't look much more comfortable than Bayonetta's leather.
3. Shahdee--Prince of Persia
Metal Thong. 'Nuff said.
2. Emily Spencer--Bionic Commando
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story of Bionic Commando, I will completely spoil it for you, and save you the pain of playing through a whole game only to be completely grossed out by the truth. Spencer's wife is not missing. She has been with him the whole time. As his ARM. Yupp, you read that right, his wife is his arm.
Hi, Emily. How's it going? Enjoying life as an arm?
So, as you can see, Emily must be extremely uncomfortable, and deserves her place as the Number 2 Most Uncomfortable Babe in Video Games. And the one you've all been waiting for, Number 1.....
1. Baby Mario--Yoshi's Island
Number 1. Baby Mario. He's certainly a babe, and judging by all the crying he does, he is certainly uncomfortable. And loud. How comfortable would you be if the turtle that was supposed to be escorting you home suddenly lost you in a giant bubble? Seriously, does he ever stop crying?
So there you have it. The Top Ten Most Uncomfortable Babes in Videogames. I hope you enjoyed it. This list is intended all in good fun. So, who are your top ten most uncomfortable babes in videogames? Did I miss any? Should someone on here, not be here?
Baby Luigi cries even more than mario in Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time.
Gaming does seem to spawn some pretty wild scenarios for women...
Yes, but Ivy has armor on her arm so that she can block swings that are intended for...more sensitive areas.
That way, it's the best of both worlds! Protection *and* turning on the guys.