The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 11
*Disclaimer* Once again this blog is purely comedic, and utterly ridiculous. Please treat it as such. Enjoy!
Cubone awoke and checked his surroundings. A garbage bin, dead bodies and uh...penatrators surrounded him just like every other morning in this horrid city. He could here music playing down the street, as well as the sound of screaming and gunfire. Ever since Cubone left Kanto and arrived in Steelport he's had to deal with lunacy. Everyone around him is either dancing, shooting, or shootdancing, and Cubone has had it about up to HERE. The music was getting closer now. It was about time to mo- "SORRY TO INTERRUPT THE NARRATION BUT GET IN YOU, POKEMON F***" A man wearing nothing but a kitten mask, and a speedo screamed, he was bumping and grinding his hips to the music that had now made it's way to Cubone's area.
"AH!! WHAT TH-" Cubone was going to let out an obscenity, but he was then interrupted by a masterfully thrown Pokeball to the face. The next thing he new he was laying on his stomach on a street curb.
"Where did you even get that? Pokeballs aren't even in this game!" Cubone screamed.
"No time for talk! Battle my Pokemon!" The masked man screamed, his hips moving at a horrifically disturbing rate. "WE MUST BAAATLLLLEEE!" He then said doing some sort of gyration.
"Battle wha- HOLY CRAP!!" Before Cubone was a group of men holding rocket launchers. "Are you out of your mind they'll murder me!"
"Nonsense! VINE-WHIP!" The clinically insane man screamed.
"What? I don't even know how to do that!" Cubone fearfully objected.
Before the madness could continue a rocket blast blew the two of them skyward, the man was still somehow managing to jiggle his hips. It was quite amazing to be honest.
"It's cool, I got me some peeps!" The man said, and before the tears could form in Cubone's eyes, a jet pulled up catching the two of them.
Cubone sat glued to his seat as the Man flew them through the sky blowing apart buildings, and seemingly innocent people.
"Who the hell are you?" Cubone asked, crying quite like a woman now.
"It's me!" The man said and with two jiggles of his but cheeks the mask disappeared.
"Chris, the Savior of the Galaxy?" Cubone, cried out in disbelief. "The last time I saw you, you were bouncing around a dance floor in Michigan!"
"Well Cubone, ol buddy, ol pal, you and I have some awesome, activities to do." He said staring at Cubone with that lustful look he always gets.
"Just kill me...if I know anything about where this is going, then this won't end much better than N7Kevins GaMe..." Cubone mumbled.
"Careful Cubone! We're not supposed to be self aware...remember?" Chris stated as he thrust his hips to the beat of Poker Face by Lady Gaga.
Cubone set his head in his paws, and mournfully dreaded their destination. When the pair stopped, Chris picked Cubone up and hurled him out of the cockpit, "Come on buddy! We have overwhelmingly awesome, stuffy stuff to do!"
He then pulled out some kind of canon and mowed down a crowd of innocents.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Cubone screamed in terror. "AND WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THESE THINGS???"
"Zero space, fool!!!" Chris said as he jogged in place. "HERE YOU GO!" He said as he tossed Cubone a penetrator. "Just do this!"
He then did something so obscene to another citizen that Le Hannibal wouldn't dare write it in this blog. "You've gone mad, Chris!!!" Cubone screamed now on the edge of insanity.
"TO THE POKEMON STADIUM!" Chris screamed as he drug Cubone into a Skyscraper.
"Who am I battling?" Cubone asked, now at a stage where absolutely nothing mattered.
"Some cat named Prince." Chris said as he sprinted down the hallway dragging Cubone behind him.
They emerged into a giant circular room, and at the other end was the man Cubone thought to be Prince. "Ah finally, Chris," Prince began. "I've been aching in my loins for this. LET'S BATTLE POKEMONZ!!!"
"AW HELLZ YEAH!" Chris said, as he slung Cubone into the middle of the arena.
"I CHOOSE YOU JOLT!" (Yep, I'm going there.) Prince said, who seemed just as insane as Chris.
A thin, pale, figure who seemed to be nothing but the shadow of the man(?) he used to be sat curled up weeping in the middle of the arena.
"I can't fight him! He can't defend himself!" Cubone protested.
"NONSENSE! JOLT USE SPLASH!" Prince screamed. Jolt then sprung to his feet and started flinging his tears at Cubone.
"Seriously!? This story defies all logic!" Cubone yelled at Le Hannibal, who frankly couldn't care less.
Cubone, seeing no other way out of this then beat Jolt into the ground with his bone. Jolt lay whimpering. You could even say crying...
"I...can't believe I lost..." Prince said.
Cubone, now completely devoid of hope walked toward Chris, who was joyfully doing some kind of standing worm. Still wearing that speedo of course. "Cubone, I feel like this is the beginning of a beautiful slave/owner relationship."
Cubone nodded, and the two walked out into the bloody streets, and eventually into a sunset, thus surviving this story. Until they walked into the sun and burned horrifically.
*A final note* I had way too much fun with this one. Thanks for reading guys! :D