The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 11
I'm going to depart from gaming for this particular blog, and talk about something a little more personal. I don't know how many of you can relate to me in this one, or how many of you have already experienced what I'm about to talk about, but I want to get some thoughts of mine off my chest and see what you guys think about them. Anyways, here it goes.
I got a message yesterday from another community blogger. I won't say any names unless this particular person says it's okay, but she asked me a question I had never asked myself before. "What happens if you stop enjoying writing?"
I stared at the message for what felt like seconds, but turned out to be close to an hour. I've been asked if I truly like or loved writing before, and I answered with a resounding "YES." But this question...I've never considered it before. I've asked myself plenty of things. Would I keep pursuing writing if I was poor? Would I give up on writing if my career and name were ruined? I have the answers to these questions, and many others of the sort. And the question she asked me was a very simple one. I couldn't answer it...at first.
Up until this very sentence that I'm writing right now, I've loved writing with a burning passion. I've written poems, short stories, songs, and have even begun plotting out an idea for a book. Ever since my childhood I've been working towards having a life based around writing. I've moved forward, not even thinking of that question's existence.
I love the written word, and it's ability to express the emotions, and thoughts that you have pent up inside. It's an incredibly relieving part of my life. I get rid of stress, I let out opinions that couldn't come out otherwise, and I discover more and more about myself with every word I write. Writing is a colossal part of my life, and I can't imagine - even now - life without it. Her question blew my mind.
What if I wake up one morning and I hate it? What if I wake up disgusted with the things I've written, and find myself drifting away from the thing I love? It's a daunting thing for me to even try to grasp. So the only answer I was able to give her was this, "It won't happen. But if it does them I'm going to die dirt poor."
I felt like I owed her more of an explanation. The question carried far more weight than she could possibly know, but even if she wasn't aware of the gravity of the question, she managed to ask me a question that NEEDED to be asked at some point. So to that very wise lady, here it is.
There's no turning back. It's not an option for me. It's not that I'm going to force myself into continue doing it, but I can't imagine myself ever disliking it. And because I know that I love it, I'm going to keep following the path I've been on. Now as far as the dying poor thing goes...if it turns out that I do in fact fall out of love with it, then It'll be way too late to turn back. My love for what I do is running stronger than it ever has, and It's only getting stronger, so it's safe to say it wouldn't happen anytime soon.
John Marston quit what he was good at. It may have been a life of crime that Marston led, but it was something that he did since he was young, and it was all he knew. But eventually John left it behind for something else that he loved. Something that changed who he was, and gave him new meaning. He hung his hat, and left it hanging, for a life that he never saw himself living. He may not have lived it long, but he found something more than what he knew. Something that overcame his love for his previous craft. Writing is my best ability, and my first love. While I don't see myself giving it up like John Marston gave up his life of crime, you never know what could happen. But until that day comes, I'm going to keep wearing my hat, and I plan to wear it well.
*A final note* I want to thank the wise lady for asking me this question. Because of her, and the rest of this outstanding community, I'm learning more and more about myself with every blog I write, and every conversation I have. It's people like her, Jolt, Stranger, DJH, and countless others on this site that help me progress, both as a gamer, and a human being. Thanks for reading guys.