Ever feel that the people you work with just don't get it? That your family talks about you behind your back? That your wife thinks you're nuts? Well, thank God for video games! There is someone in the world that understands me after all and gives me what I need to remain emotionally stable, even if it is a group of 75 people laboring at computers in another state whom I will never meet or with whom I will not once exchange furtive glances.


Burnout Revenge


Revenge is Paradise (See what I did there?)


This magnificent beast was my introduction to the world of Burnout. I kind of suck at racing games. When I start to lose it to one side or the other of the lane, I invariably over-correct and bounce around like Paris Hilton at a bachelor's convention. But, when I realized that the point of this game was not only to win, but to cause as much mayhem and destruction to your rivals as possible along the way, I became apoplectic with glee. Creeping up on an AI racer, then slamming him into the wall and drinking deep of the slow-motion crash, glittering shrapnel and glistening glass filling the screen, is better than a peaceful snowfall on a crisp winter morning. Save the Princess? Save the world? Please. I've got better things to do.




Note color of electricity


I started inFAMOUS because I thought it would be cool. Superhero, fun electrical powers, swell graphics. Good reviews, too. Then I was given the opportunity to deny the hungry residents of Empire City the food they desperately needed. I was hooked, baby! 

As I powered Cole up, gaining ever stronger abilities which I could unleash on my fellow citizens, catharsis after catharsis followed. Running through the streets blasting everything out of my path with shockwaves was bliss, while the exclamation point of the Thunder Drop sent a satisfying thud resonating through my soul. The sorry b*stards never saw it coming.


Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando


It got blowed up real good


Another ode to escalating destruction, with a sense of humor to boot. Going Commando was the first one I played, and it clicked quickly. The point of R&C might be to save the galaxy, but don't hold that against them. The games are an exercise in creating mighty weapons that would make Halliburton drool with envy. Lobbing a hand held nuclear device into a group of aliens or vaulting a fully powered charge from the plasma launcher and watching it fry scores of protopets is as satisfying as it gets. Insomniac wasn't too worried about breaking the Fourth Wall, either.


God of War


Tear it up, Big K


Ever play a God of War game? Alrighty then.


Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess


Here come the judge


Everyone likes Zelda games, right? They tell the tale of the heroic quest, of maturing into a person of character beyond reproach, of sacrifice for the greater good.

Nah. Zant.

(Spoilerish): Zant is a straight up wacko. He gives the impression early on of being a typical Machiavellian guy out to subjugate the world, albeit a little creepier than most. Then you hear his story and fight him late in the game. The veil drops, and his insecure, psychotic nature is revealed. Zant is the dude in seventh grade that got mercilessly picked on, only to find he has been granted power by the terrible, evil, all-destroying science teacher, and he's ready to throw down. But he never grew up. The tantrum he throws trying to kill you is poetic.


Kirby's Epic Yarn




Just look at him. He's so damn cute!



Well, that's the list, games that make me feel like I belong. Like there is a place for me in this confusing, oft cruel world. Like the money was well spent.

Do me a favor: don't tell my therapist. The guy has me on a short leash.