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After having a team of poorly trained non-professionals painstakingly perform some not-so-evil experiments, I am proud to announce the twelve (scientifically proven*) best browser games on the internet! Putting together this list cost millions (of what?) and many hours of painstaking work**.
I am going to be up front about this: I- I mean… my team of scientists are fond of tower defense games. That being said, Kingdom Rush is one of the finest tower defense games available. You have your option of four different types of towers: barracks, mages tower, archer tower, and the dwarven bombard. Barracks deploys soldiers which you can position within a certain area around the barracks to slow the enemy’s advance. The mages and archer towers do magic and physical damage, respectively. The dwarven bombard does area damage. Each tower can be upgraded for a certain amount of gold earned from slaying the monsters rushing your kingdom. At the fourth upgrade, you can select one of two specializations for your tower. For example the dwarven bombard can transform into a giant tesla coil and do chain lightning damage. Not only is it available online, but it can also be downloaded onto phones or iPads.
You can play Kingdom Rush here on Kongregate
Defend Your Castle
This is a bit of a relic. Released in 2003 by XGenStudios, Defend Your Castle has since seen over 8.3 million plays and was so successful they even made a WiiWare version. The basic premise is, oddly enough, defending a castle. Your enemies are comprised of various types of stick figures that want to bash down the door and steal all of the… whatever stick figures want? To defend the castle, you are tasked with bodily flinging away the besiegers with your mouse (and seeing them fall to the ground in an explosion of what could just be strawberry jam). As you progress through the levels you can purchase upgrades for your castle like an archery range or a demolitions lab to provide stick figure defenders for your castle. Wall upgrades can also be purchased to increase the health of your castle. All in all, it is a very fun game.
You can play Defend Your Castle here
If you like turn-based RPG action, Sonny might be your kind of flash game. You step into the role of Sonny, the bemused and persecuted zombie on a quest to uncover your past. The writing is surprisingly clever and the story is interesting compared to the usual flash game RPG. From a hub world you click on what you want to do (i.e. go buy items; fight next battle to proceed further in the game; examining the area; etc). The grind of the gameplay can get to you after a while, but the story is always enticing you to continue playing. The music is also quite impressive as well. For those of you who have finished Kingdoms of Amalur, this might be the RPG to tide you over until Mass Effect 3. If you enjoy Sonny, keep in mind that there is a sequel!
Sonny can be played here on Kongregate
Cardboard Box Assembler
If you like mind-bending platforms, this is the game for you. In Cardboard Box Assembler you play as an insane box assembler employee. Using the arrow keys and your trusty space bar, you must traverse platforming levels built around a giant cube that you manipulate with your mouse. Throughout most of the levels are gems that you can collect to improve your score and unlock bonus levels. To complete each stage you must make it to the glowing portal. The relatively simple premise is introduced well in the early levels and the builds upon itself to become mind numbingly complex toward the later levels. On top of all the platforming goodness, Cardboard Box Assembler has a fantastic sense of humor conveyed through the goofy, yet funky, soundtrack and the short cutscenes between levels.
Cardboard Box Assembler is available on Armor Games.
Desktop Tower Defense
What sets Desktop Tower Defense apart from the run-of-the-mill tower defense game is the lack of a defined path for the stream of enemies to follow. Essentially, if you want to succeed in Desktop Tower Defense you need to construct a path out of towers for the creeps to follow. One of the few rules in constructing towers is to make it impossible for the creeps to reach their destination. With many different modes of play, ways to increase difficulty, numerous types of towers and upgrades, the replay value of this particular flash game ridiculously high.
You can find Desktop Tower Defense on Kongregate
Robot Unicorn Attack
“Always I want to be with you and make belie-” oh… ahem…. *MANLINESS* Robot Unicorn Attack puts you into the role of a robotic unicorn out to make wishes come true and live in harmony… or something. Honestly, it is one of those oddly hypnotic games that you sit down to play one or two rounds and then you realize that you have just spent the last week of your life playing a game about unicorns with one song playing on a continuous loop. The game is a side scrolling platformer in which you are limited to jumping, double jumping, dashing, and slightly speeding up or slowing down. However, no matter what you do, the game will move faster and faster until you lose control.
You can find a Robot Unicorn Attack app on facebook.
You Have To Burn The Rope
This game is a bit self explanatory. I won’t say that it as deep and immersive as Skyrim or as elegant as a swan (did I just compare a game to a swan?), but it does have its own unique charm. What sets this game apart as one of the best flash games on the internet? Let me list the awesome moments of the game: walking through the tunnel, when you first grab the torch, the first glimpse of the grinning colossus. The soundtrack is amazing and the climactic final confrontation will probably live on in most gamers’ memories for years to come. Be sure to stick around for the credits! (artwork by Fadri on deviantart)
Burn the Rope on Kongregate!
I know what you are thinking: “Another tower defense? Jeeze Louise! Give it a break, man!” However, in my defense it is really, really good. In this tower defense game, you have three types of towers that you can place: dens, crypts, and temples. Dens shoot arrows, crypts shoot homing bursts of energy, and temples shoot a sustained laser. The hook of this game is that each tower can only be put on certain types of terrain. Mountains provide additional power and range to towers, while forests are impossible to build upon. The goal is to prevent the enemy forces from stealing your gems. If you want a perfect rating, don’t even let the enemy touch them! You gain experience based on your performance at the end of each stage and if you level up, you gain three skill points to spend on your towers in three separate skill trees. The game saves your progress, so feel free to leave and come back to it at your leisure.
You can find Cursed Treasure on Kongregate.
The Great Gatsby
I’ll be honest and tell you that this game’s position on this list might very well be due to my prejudice as an English Major- I mean... my scientists’ penchant for classic literature. How awesome is a game based off of an early 20th century novel? My completely unbiased team of scientists have released this statement to answer the question: “REALLY AWESOME!” While not a terribly long or complicated game, the sheer fact that you are playing through an 8-bit interpretation of a classic work of American literature is reason enough to play it. It plays like an old school NES side scrolling platformer with the ability to throw hats as the titular Nick Carroway. It is a short game but one well worth playing for those who either have read The Great Gatsby or really enjoy classic 8-bit games.
You can find this rather obscure game here
The minds behind Homestar Runner and Strong Bad also created the game Peasant’s Quest which was a text-based adventure game made to look like it was from the early 80s. The basic premise is that the one-armed half-man, half-dragon… thing Trogdor, the Burninator, has burninated your cottage and you naturally want revenge. In order to face Trogdor, you first need to prove that you are a real peasant by stinking, looking, and burning like one. It is very humorous and well made. If you are a fan of text-based adventure titles or have ever laughed, you should probably play this game.
Begin your peasantly quest here
Abobo’s Big Adventure
Abobo’s Big Adventure bills itself as the ultimate tribute to the NES and it is not far off the mark. There are so many references in this game to other games that it is almost unbelievable. You control Abobo, who was originally an enemy in the Double Dragon series. His son, Aboboy is kidnapped at the outset of the game and Abobo sets off on a rage fueled quest to save his him. Many of the scenes and situations will make you laugh outright. If there is one complaint to be made against the game it is that at times it can be frustratingly hard, much like the NES games to which it pays homage. Also, be warned, it is surprisingly bloody and violent.
Help Abobo save Aboboy
Super Mario Crossover 2.0
Essentially this game is the answer to all the times you’ve wondered about who would be better taking on Mario’s princess saving role in his games. It is a Mario game, but with a character select. You could play as the titular plumber, but you could also play through as Samus, Mega Man, Simon Belmont, Link, or that guy from Contra. Each character plays very closely to how they move and attack in their original games. Which leads to very different and interesting gameplay. If you have ever loved Mario, or any old school video game, you should really make playing this a priority.
Play it on developer Exploding Rabbit’s website
Well, that’s it! The best games on the internet. You can send me a message if you want to give me money or gifts.
*Note: I am not a team of scientists.
**Really, I put this together because while I was researching my next blog topic, I got really distracted by one of the games on this list and decided to write about flash games. Because let’s face it: flash games don’t get the love they deserve.