Not the Last of Em'- The Last of Us Parody Review - J Warrior Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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Not the Last of Em'- The Last of Us Parody Review

This is not an actual review of the game and is intended for humor and humor only. This is not meant to be taken seriously.

 

Alright, so The Last of Us takes place 20 years after a deadly fungus (Cordyceps) infects humans and all normal civilization is lost. Now, this fungus is the real deal, it's not some made up Harry Potter B.S. This fungus infects ants and other insects; in fact it even spread to bees. Naughty Dog (the creators of a few game franchises that you never heard off) thought of this crazy idea; "Dude, like...what if...this fungus went to humans and they lost their minds." "Yeah bro, we could like...make a game about that. We should call it...The Walking Fungus." One name change later and BAM! We have our game. You might be thinking; this is just another zombie game BOOORING! If you are thinking that, stop thinking that and slap yourself. In fact, if you were to say that in public or on YouTube you'd get beat up and sent death threats. And you'd have to deal with some angry fans telling you "They aren't zombies! They are infected humans who have lost their minds! Now shut up and play CoD you little brat!" Again, not zombies just infected people.

The Last of Us has some opening scene that will make you cry. Titanic cry. Some, who aren't strong enough, will take their copy back and slap the person who sold it to them because the sadness is just too much to take. Others, will nod their head while saying, "Seems legit." If you can get pass the opening you have to deal with brutal combat which has been given a bad rep from the internet. You should enjoy it if you aren't a baby. If the combat makes you pee yourself calmly turn off the game, get a change of clothes and play a Telly Tubbies game because this isn't for you. Kids shouldn't be exposed to violence anyways because any shooting or murder that takes place is in fact caused by video games. Jack the Ripper played video games, Alexander the Great played video games, the Devil plays video games and even George Washington played them. If your kids are choking other kids out or bashing their faces with bricks...Well you know why.

I just want to make love!

Joel is our main character and I am getting reports he is not Nathan Drake?! What is this Bullsh.. Oh sorry, Joel is a harden survivor who use to watch My Little Pony and was so looking forward to season 4 until the fungus took over the world. He lost the most important thing to him; watching the ponies going off on adventures and learning the true meaning of friendship. Without MLP, he forgot what friendship means or what it was about, so now he breaks people's faces and eats the mushrooms from the 'Clickers.' Sorry...I'm just getting a little chocked up here. I'm good now. Anyways, Joel is NOT voiced by Nolan North- the character is voiced by Troy Baker who has voiced Booker DeWitt and 1,001 different characters. And before you ask, no he is not a baker. Joel is overall a likable character, one that you can feel connected to. He always pushes forward, never looks back, and takes care of business. Along with Joel we have Ellie who is a 14 year old girl who was born into this post-apocalyptic world. She has only heard stories about what life was like 20 years ago and frankly, she is glad she was born after the outbreak. She is Clementine on steroids, without a hat. She is a cool character and people will say she is the main character, but these people are wrong. The Clickers are the main characters of course. Ellie also has a real potty mouth, she drops more bombs than Joel does for crying out loud. It gets so bad that I went to tell her parent to ground her. Post-apocalyptic or not, swearing is swearing and it's unacceptable. She does, however, make cool guitar sound with her mouth.

 

Gameplay: Gameplay is less like a shooter and more like a survival, which is good because it's a survival action game. Ammo is limited and health does not regain by itself. At times you'd rather move in and knock the socks off of you enemies because A) it's fun and 2) it can be easier than shooting them down. The melee combat works nice and simple. Bash square and triangle to feel like a bada**. Shooting shouldn't be your number one option. The game offers dynamic stealth which is key when you are surrounded by baddies. You don't have to be stealthy if you don't want too, go and be heard if you want. This game offers a good stealth vs. action without punishing you for playing one way unlike *coughs* Dishonored. Yeah I said it. Dishonored and your so called "optional gameplay" that's bull****! YOU HEAR ME BULL****!

 

 

Please Stand-by.

Oh sorry, I didn't see you there. Now where was I...Oh yeah! Back to trolling, I mean reviewing. You can hold the R-2 button down to activate "listen mode" or whatever the heck they call it. Joel has superhuman hearing abilities and hitting this button allows him to listen to what enemies are saying more clearly and allows him to see where they are at. This is a key to stealth play and it works out great especially when hiding from Clickers. The only time when stealth is almost mandatory is when you are in a room with Clickers. They can't see but they can hear. This means you have to be silent and sneak by them. They have strong senses and if they hear a mouse break wind they will come for you. Oh and, there is no ability to break out of a grab attack from one of them, once you are caught its game over, kid. The listen mode comes into play strongly against these freaks and it works well. Well, until Ellie decides to stand up and scream, "Oh my god that guy has corn flakes on his head!" The Clickers also make a strange clicking sound when they are near. It's a cross between a Predator clicking and Kelly Clarkson's singing, only they are way better sounding.

Another infected type of enemy is the Runners because they run. They scream at you, beat the hell out of you and try to bite you. They are very fun to fight though, melee or sneaky kill is best against these guys. A runner is someone who has recently been infected by the fungus, stage 1 if you will. And of course we have bandits, the human enemies of the game. Nothing special to report about them, they carry guns and stuff. This game has a large amount of enemy types but they all die the same way...except the Clickers who can only be killed by a few bullets to the head or a shiv, very unfair if you ask me. The graphics and sites in this game are good but whenever I say "graphics" people lose their cool with me and start yelling at me and say blah blah graphics aren't the most important thing about a game and blah blah blah. So you know what, these graphics suck!

There is a multiplayer which features a whopping 2 game modes! That's like, a lot! One mode is very similar to team deathmatch and a mode called Survivors, if memory serves. In this mode it's a best of 7 style mode where if you die you remain dead until the next round. There is also a 'game within the game' and by this I mean you have a clan that you need to maintain. You can do this by collecting items during each round you are playing. The multiplayer is the main reason to play this game. You don't even have to play the boring singleplayer and I recommend playing multiplayer first and foremost. The other game mode is just like Survivors only it's completely different. This one is called Supply Raid and it's the games version of team deathmatch. Each faction gets 20 responds, meaning you have to kill the other b*stards 20 times. Once all 20 responds are up it goes to sudden death, meaning that members of the faction that has used all their responds have one last chance to stay alive, once they die they stay dead until the match is over. Isn't that a hoot?! Like I said, multiplayer is the reason you should be playing this game. In fact, if it wasn't for the online play we'd just have a subpar game that gets dried out too quickly. Not every game can be a singleplayer powerhouse like the Call of Duty franchise. In multiplayer, you aren't tasked with boring upgrades either which is good because I could never understand how to work the damn perks in other games. Every upgrade comes from in the match. If you want bombs or a melee tool than you just have to craft it while you are in a match. This is good because we are all equal before the match starts even if I am better than you. Another great feature that the multiplayer has is its level up system. You ready to hear this? There isn't any level up system! Unlike boring shooters you aren't known as a number, uh no, you are known by how many weeks you survived. Remember the game within the game? Of course you don't. You build a clan after each match by collecting tools and this makes more dots, which represent people, come into your clan. After each match you play a day goes by and until you maintain a good clan for a week you get a new number next to your name! If you make it past 1 week than you are level 1, if you get past 2 weeks than  you are 2 and on and on. The multiplayer is so rich and it never gets old, so after you finish reading this go play it!

Bro, do you even lift?

Time to get down to business. We all know Naughty Dog paid every game site to give this a good score because whenever a game gets a good score you morons THINK THE DEVELOPERS PAID THEM BECAUSE NO ONE EVER MAKES A GOOD GAME AND YOU ARE JUST A LITTLE BRAT! Now then, yes ND paid me good money to give them a perfect score. Even if I give this game anything lower than that people will send me hate mail because how can a great game like this get anything lower than 11.5 out of 10? Let's see what other sites gave it. PlayStation magazine gave it a 10 out of 10 saying; "This game is so perfect. The best game ever made, and we aren't just saying that because it's a PS3 exclusive." 2 Legit 4 Games gave it a 12.225 out of 11 saying; "I like this game! It's not perfect but I'll give a good score." Xbox the Magazine gives it a 5 out of 10 saying; "I don't know what all the fuss is about? It's really not that good of a game. You aren't missing out on anything by not playing this game." Polygon gives it a something out of 10 saying; "Remember kids, murder isn't the crime in TLoU. Murder is the POL in TLoU." Whatever the hell that means. This game overall has gotten good rep and as I'm typing these words I don't know what to give it. Do I want to be cool and give it a meh score or do I obey my contract and give it a perfect?

After much thought I was going to give it 8.74657 but I soon realized that isn't a real number. Then 10 came to mind but you know what? This game is in a class of its own. It doesn't need a number to represent just how good (or not so good) it is. Who am I to tell you what number this game is? So I don't get smack talked on the internet about giving the game a low score I'll just give it a...Wait. I didn't tell you about the loading screen did I? Oh boy. The Last of Us has one stinking load screen in the entire game (other than multiplayer) and that's when you go to resume or start singleplayer, much like Max Payne 3. This is good because you aren't interrupted with load screens in the middle of a level. However, this load screen is SO FREAKIN' LONG! You have to sit and stare at some blank screen for 15 minutes before the game starts up! There isn't even a minigame or quotes to keep you somewhat entertain! All you have is the loading percent which sits at 44.34% for the longest time- this is the longest dang loud screen in the history of load screens! 10 out of 10 my butt! If you can get past this than it isn't too bad. Anyway, I now have a score after much thought. On a scale of Duke Nukem (1) to Gangster Legit (10) The Last of Us receives the score of 'The Last of Us' because this game is in a league of its own, normal numbers can't tell how ba...I mean good this game is. The Last of Us is magic and this score I'm giving it justifies that. This new Developer who no one has ever heard of has made a game that will be remembered forever. The Last of Us scores a 'The Last of Us' out of 10.


Final Score: The Last of Us Out of 10.

Overall this is one of those games that a lot of people are going to play and say, "That's tasty!" Because this game is tasty for multiple reasons. The Last of Us has a great multiplayer that everyone should play, some cool characters and a very long load screen.

 

Pros.

The multiplayer is golden/ Ellie makes guitar sounds/ Joel has an awesome beard/ Stealth vs Action works good/ The game is 'Tasty.'

Cons

The longest load screen in the history of load screens/ No Nolan North.


 

LULZ WTF Did I Just Read? This J Warrior guy is an idiot.

Thank you for making it to the end of my parody review/blog.

 

 

 

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