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Veteran Member - Level 13
This is not an
actual review of the game and is intended for humor and humor only. This is not
meant to be taken seriously.
Alright, so The
Last of Us takes place 20 years after a deadly fungus (Cordyceps) infects
humans and all normal civilization is lost. Now, this fungus is the real deal,
it's not some made up Harry Potter B.S. This fungus infects ants and other
insects; in fact it even spread to bees. Naughty Dog (the creators of a few
game franchises that you never heard off) thought of this crazy idea; "Dude,
like...what if...this fungus went to humans and they lost their minds." "Yeah bro,
we could like...make a game about that. We should call it...The Walking Fungus."
One name change later and BAM! We have our game. You might be thinking; this is
just another zombie game BOOORING! If you are thinking that, stop thinking that
and slap yourself. In fact, if you were to say that in public or on YouTube
you'd get beat up and sent death threats. And you'd have to deal with some
angry fans telling you "They aren't zombies! They are infected humans who have
lost their minds! Now shut up and play CoD you little brat!" Again, not zombies
just infected people.
The Last of Us
has some opening scene that will make you cry. Titanic cry. Some, who aren't
strong enough, will take their copy back and slap the person who sold it to
them because the sadness is just too much to take. Others, will nod their head
while saying, "Seems legit." If you can get pass the opening you have to deal
with brutal combat which has been given a bad rep from the internet. You should
enjoy it if you aren't a baby. If the combat makes you pee yourself calmly turn
off the game, get a change of clothes and play a Telly Tubbies game because
this isn't for you. Kids shouldn't be exposed to violence anyways because any
shooting or murder that takes place is in fact caused by video games. Jack the
Ripper played video games, Alexander the Great played video games, the Devil
plays video games and even George Washington played them. If your kids are
choking other kids out or bashing their faces with bricks...Well you know why.
I just want to make love!
Joel is our
main character and I am getting reports he is not Nathan Drake?! What is this
Bullsh.. Oh sorry, Joel is a harden survivor who use to watch My Little Pony
and was so looking forward to season 4 until the fungus took over the world. He
lost the most important thing to him; watching the ponies going off on
adventures and learning the true meaning of friendship. Without MLP, he forgot
what friendship means or what it was about, so now he breaks people's faces and
eats the mushrooms from the 'Clickers.' Sorry...I'm just getting a little chocked
up here. I'm good now. Anyways, Joel is NOT voiced by Nolan North- the
character is voiced by Troy Baker who has voiced Booker DeWitt and 1,001
different characters. And before you ask, no he is not a baker. Joel is overall
a likable character, one that you can feel connected to. He always pushes
forward, never looks back, and takes care of business. Along with Joel we have
Ellie who is a 14 year old girl who was born into this post-apocalyptic world.
She has only heard stories about what life was like 20 years ago and frankly,
she is glad she was born after the outbreak. She is Clementine on steroids, without
a hat. She is a cool character and people will say she is the main character,
but these people are wrong. The Clickers are the main characters of course.
Ellie also has a real potty mouth, she drops more bombs than Joel does for
crying out loud. It gets so bad that I went to tell her parent to ground her.
Post-apocalyptic or not, swearing is swearing and it's unacceptable. She does,
however, make cool guitar sound with her mouth.
Gameplay is less like a shooter and more like a survival, which is good because
it's a survival action game. Ammo is limited and health does not regain by
itself. At times you'd rather move in and knock the socks off of you enemies
because A) it's fun and 2) it can be easier than shooting them down. The melee
combat works nice and simple. Bash square and triangle to feel like a bada**.
Shooting shouldn't be your number one option. The game offers dynamic stealth
which is key when you are surrounded by baddies. You don't have to be stealthy
if you don't want too, go and be heard if you want. This game offers a good
stealth vs. action without punishing you for playing one way unlike *coughs*
Dishonored. Yeah I said it. Dishonored and your so called "optional gameplay"
that's bull****! YOU HEAR ME BULL****!
Oh sorry, I
didn't see you there. Now where was I...Oh yeah! Back to trolling, I mean
reviewing. You can hold the R-2 button down to activate "listen mode" or
whatever the heck they call it. Joel has superhuman hearing abilities and
hitting this button allows him to listen to what enemies are saying more clearly
and allows him to see where they are at. This is a key to stealth play and it
works out great especially when hiding from Clickers. The only time when
stealth is almost mandatory is when you are in a room with Clickers. They can't
see but they can hear. This means you have to be silent and sneak by them. They
have strong senses and if they hear a mouse break wind they will come for you.
Oh and, there is no ability to break out of a grab attack from one of them,
once you are caught its game over, kid. The listen mode comes into play
strongly against these freaks and it works well. Well, until Ellie decides to
stand up and scream, "Oh my god that guy has corn flakes on his head!" The
Clickers also make a strange clicking sound when they are near. It's a cross
between a Predator clicking and Kelly Clarkson's singing, only they are way
infected type of enemy is the Runners because they run. They scream at you,
beat the hell out of you and try to bite you. They are very fun to fight though,
melee or sneaky kill is best against these guys. A runner is someone who has
recently been infected by the fungus, stage 1 if you will. And of course we
have bandits, the human enemies of the game. Nothing special to report about
them, they carry guns and stuff. This game has a large amount of enemy types
but they all die the same way...except the Clickers who can only be killed by a
few bullets to the head or a shiv, very unfair if you ask me. The graphics and
sites in this game are good but whenever I say "graphics" people lose their
cool with me and start yelling at me and say blah blah graphics aren't the most
important thing about a game and blah blah blah. So you know what, these
There is a
multiplayer which features a whopping 2 game modes! That's like, a lot! One
mode is very similar to team deathmatch and a mode called Survivors, if memory
serves. In this mode it's a best of 7 style mode where if you die you remain
dead until the next round. There is also a 'game within the game' and by this I
mean you have a clan that you need to maintain. You can do this by collecting
items during each round you are playing. The multiplayer is the main reason to
play this game. You don't even have to play the boring singleplayer and I
recommend playing multiplayer first and foremost. The other game mode is just
like Survivors only it's completely different. This one is called Supply Raid
and it's the games version of team deathmatch. Each faction gets 20 responds,
meaning you have to kill the other b*stards 20 times. Once all 20 responds are
up it goes to sudden death, meaning that members of the faction that has used
all their responds have one last chance to stay alive, once they die they stay
dead until the match is over. Isn't that a hoot?! Like I said, multiplayer is
the reason you should be playing this game. In fact, if it wasn't for the
online play we'd just have a subpar game that gets dried out too quickly. Not
every game can be a singleplayer powerhouse like the Call of Duty franchise. In
multiplayer, you aren't tasked with boring upgrades either which is good
because I could never understand how to work the damn perks in other games.
Every upgrade comes from in the match. If you want bombs or a melee tool than you
just have to craft it while you are in a match. This is good because we are all
equal before the match starts even if I am better than you. Another great
feature that the multiplayer has is its level up system. You ready to hear
this? There isn't any level up system! Unlike boring shooters you aren't known
as a number, uh no, you are known by how many weeks you survived. Remember the
game within the game? Of course you don't. You build a clan after each match by
collecting tools and this makes more dots, which represent people, come into
your clan. After each match you play a day goes by and until you maintain a
good clan for a week you get a new number next to your name! If you make it
past 1 week than you are level 1, if you get past 2 weeks than you are 2 and on and on. The multiplayer is
so rich and it never gets old, so after you finish reading this go play it!
Bro, do you even lift?
Time to get
down to business. We all know Naughty Dog paid every game site to give this a
good score because whenever a game gets a good score you morons THINK THE
DEVELOPERS PAID THEM BECAUSE NO ONE EVER MAKES A GOOD GAME AND YOU ARE JUST A
LITTLE BRAT! Now then, yes ND paid me good money to give them a perfect score.
Even if I give this game anything lower than that people will send me hate mail
because how can a great game like this get anything lower than 11.5 out of 10?
Let's see what other sites gave it. PlayStation magazine gave it a 10 out of 10
saying; "This game is so perfect. The best game ever made, and we aren't just
saying that because it's a PS3 exclusive." 2 Legit 4 Games gave it a 12.225 out
of 11 saying; "I like this game! It's not perfect but I'll give a good score."
Xbox the Magazine gives it a 5 out of 10 saying; "I don't know what all the
fuss is about? It's really not that good of a game. You aren't missing out on anything
by not playing this game." Polygon gives it a something out of 10 saying; "Remember
kids, murder isn't the crime in TLoU. Murder is the POL in TLoU." Whatever the
hell that means. This game overall has gotten good rep and as I'm typing these
words I don't know what to give it. Do I want to be cool and give it a meh
score or do I obey my contract and give it a perfect?
After much thought
I was going to give it 8.74657 but I soon realized that isn't a real number.
Then 10 came to mind but you know what? This game is in a class of its own. It
doesn't need a number to represent just how good (or not so good) it is. Who am
I to tell you what number this game is? So I don't get smack talked on the internet
about giving the game a low score I'll just give it a...Wait. I didn't tell you about
the loading screen did I? Oh boy. The Last of Us has one stinking load screen in
the entire game (other than multiplayer) and that's when you go to resume or
start singleplayer, much like Max Payne 3. This is good because you aren't interrupted
with load screens in the middle of a level. However, this load screen is SO
FREAKIN' LONG! You have to sit and stare at some blank screen for 15 minutes
before the game starts up! There isn't even a minigame or quotes to keep you
somewhat entertain! All you have is the loading percent which sits at 44.34%
for the longest time- this is the longest dang loud screen in the history of
load screens! 10 out of 10 my butt! If you can get past this than it isn't too
bad. Anyway, I now have a score after much thought. On a scale of Duke Nukem
(1) to Gangster Legit (10) The Last of Us receives the score of 'The Last of Us'
because this game is in a league of its own, normal numbers can't tell how ba...I
mean good this game is. The Last of Us is magic and this score I'm giving it
justifies that. This new Developer who no one has ever heard of has made a game
that will be remembered forever. The Last of Us scores a 'The Last of Us' out
Score: The Last of Us Out of 10.
is one of those games that a lot of people are going to play and say, "That's
tasty!" Because this game is tasty for multiple reasons. The Last of Us has a
great multiplayer that everyone should play, some cool characters and a very
long load screen.
multiplayer is golden/ Ellie makes guitar sounds/ Joel has an awesome beard/
Stealth vs Action works good/ The game is 'Tasty.'
load screen in the history of load screens/ No Nolan North.
LULZ WTF Did I Just Read? This J Warrior guy is an idiot.
Thank you for making it to the end of my parody review/blog.