The Adventures of Ser Allister: A Dragon's Dogma Story - Hugo Stiglitz Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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The Adventures of Ser Allister: A Dragon's Dogma Story

I recently bought Dragon's Dogma and have started writing done the happenings of my journey here.
Chapters 1-4 are complete, more will be added as I progress.

Ser Allister has begun his journey but did not think to record his adventures until now. The dragon has stolen his heart (literally, not like he's in love with the dragon... Well he might be, who knows) and Allister has joined up with his 2 pawns Leela and Nicole. Together they quelled the Hydra attack at the pawn basecamp while the rest of the soldiers pretty much stood there worthlessly and watched them do all the work. Whatever, more praise the Allister party. Allister stopped to pick flowers on his way back to the village and reluctantly gave them to a lady that said they were useful for her medicine (they were such pretty flowers too). Some craven soldier won't go in the dark well and implied only fools would do such a thing. Well it's a good thing Allister is a fool. Entering the darkness, Allister realized he has no lamp to light his way, but Allister gives no sits and doesn't need a lamp because he's no b*tch that's afraid of the dark. How will this adventure play out? Stay tuned for the next exciting edition of The Adventures of Ser Allister!

Upon venturing further into the tunnel, Ser Allister came across his greatest threat yet; a pack of rats. But since Allister is trained in the ways of combat he was able to defeat this foe with ease (and take the time to get a quick picture with his trophy). The party travelled further and ran across a group of humanoid lizards that out matched the hell out of Allister and Leela. Luckily Nicole is a badass mage and set those lizards on fire bringing them to their last breathes in which Allister swooped in and took the glory of striking the final blow and stealing all of the glory for himself. Nicole, hurt by this action, refused Allister's initial pleas to heal him but finally complied when Allister's b*tching would come to no end.
As the party neared the end of this dark tunnel a group of bandits, that had made this their hideout, jumped our heroes! Leela, as usual, was worthless and Allister was just about as helpful until Nicole put a spell on his daggers with which he made quick work of the bandits (and once again posed with his trophy; Nicole and Leela are getting a bit sick of his *** at this point).
Where will Allister's adventures take him next? And how long will Nicole be able to put up with carrying the entire party on her back? Find out in the next thrilling edition of The Adventures of Ser Allister!

When we last left our heroes they had just gotten through a dark tunnel full of dangers, after returning to the village, they learn of Quina's disappearance. She has gone to the witchwood in search of ways to help Allister win his heart back from the dragon (again, literally, but we are still kind of unsure if it goes farther than that for Allister). So the journey to the witchwood begins. As the group made their way to the witchwood, Allister was running ahead when Leela alerted the party to the presence of wolves. Allister ignored the warning and continued running along the path only to be blindsided by a wolf and then pounced upon by the numerous other wolves in the pack. As the wolves tore Allister apart, the others figured they might as well save him and fended off the wolves. Another pack loomed ahead but this time Allister listened to the warning. The wolves were easily dealt with and the party continued and was jumped by bandits who had a clever trap idea. The bandits rolled large boulders down a narrow pathway but blew their load way too early as our heroes simply stepped to the side and avoided any injuries. The bandits themselves, however, posed a serious threat and kicked the party's ass back to the pawn encampment multiple times. Eventually Allister and the party killed half of the bandits and bravely fled from the remaining half. After escaping what was sure to be another ass-kicking the party met Quina and ventured into the foggy witchwood. There they fought through specters and spiders to reach the witches house who knew wyrmspeak which could help us deal with the dragon. Upon entering the house, however, Allister finds out that the witch had died long ago and now her granddaughter is the one who occupies this house. The granddaughter is useless and they had wasted so much time getting there Allister saw it fit to steal all of the belongings from the house and also smashing the pots inside leaving the girl with next to nothing in the middle of the dangerous witchwood. Allister is certainly a hero we can all look up to. What great deeds will Allister do next? Find out in the next outstanding instalment of The Adventures of Ser Allister!

Once out of the witchwood, the party makes their way to Gran Soren. Allister greets every passerby by picking them up and throwing them off the side of the cliff; Nicole and Leela keep their mouths shut for fear of the same fate. The party meets with Mercedes to help escort the hydra head to Gran Soren. Since repelling the hydra threat was not enough to win Mercedes love, Allister tried offering her a gift; a large fish. She simply sighed and accepted the gift and suggested they start moving. Due to the mass of the hydra head an Ox must carry it by cart but Allister was impatient and thought the ox was slow as *** and attempted to speed it up by hitting it with his daggers. When the animal did nothing to speed up but instead just started bleeding, Allister gave up. The path to Gran Soren was monster ridden as the party came across a slew of goblins and harpies. Aside from our three heroes, there were five soldiers who completely ignored the threat and left the battle to Allister and the others. Allister in an attempt to get the soldiers to join the battle (or possibly sacrifice them to the harpies) picked up the soldiers and threw them at the harpies but even then, they were useless. Along the way, Nicole demonstrated her skill for pointing out the obvious as she felt it necessary to point out how close Gran Soren was almost every minute. The party finally reached Gran Soren and brought the head into the city; the city folk actin like they never seen a hydra head before. Allister makes his way around town and accepts literally every job the place has to offer afterwards he desperately tried to find a tavern or Alehouse to which he might drink himself into a coma. When none presented itself, Allister resorted to the only way he knew how to deal with his problems; by throwing someone of a large structure and to their death. Apparently Gran Soren has security cameras because when this act was performed there was not a living soul around yet somehow the guards still caught Allister; Nicole and Leela pretended not to know Allister and thus were not captured. Allister went to jail and spent his time shadowboxing the wall like he was from the movie Oldboy (the original Korean one not the shitfest American one). Finally the guard must've gotten tired of the sound of fists hitting bricks and Allister screaming in pain so he offered to free Allister if he gave the guard 5000 gold coins. Luckily Allister is like Scrooge McDuck and just swimming in gold coins so he agreed. With Allister out of jail, a whole new city to explore and jobs to complete a lot lies ahead for our heroes. Find out what happens next on the next chapter of The Adventures of Ser Allister!

 

 

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