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Diary of a Fighter *and* a Lover. Well, Lover Anyway.

It's tough being the King's brother, especially when he's an evil a-hole and all that stuff. Sometimes it really makes me not want to get out of bed at all. Unfortunately, Jasper keeps coming into my room and waking me up, so my day has to start.

What a day it was, that fateful day three months ago when everything went to pieces. My brother showed his true insanity by killing the woman I loved (at least I think I loved her. All I could do was shake her hand, so maybe not?). Sure, I could have saved her and let the leaders of the peasant revolution die instead, but that wouldn't be very hero-like, would it?

So on the run I went, with my trusty butler and the guy who's been teaching me to fight all these years. We went out into the wilds of Albion, and I discovered what a sheltered life I've been leading in the castle!

Rebel peasants? Bah, who cares? I have other conquests to make!

I first went to the Dweller Camp, supposedly to enlist the aid of the leaders there in my attempt to re-take the kingdom. Little did they know what my real intent was! You see, there are some really hot babes in the Dweller camp. You just can't see it under all of those layers of clothing and furs and everything.

Then I decided I'd better enlist these people to my cause. Not because I particularly cared about the kingdom or anything. It's because I hadn't earned enough Guild Seals and unlocked my libido yet, so I couldn't actually do anything. It was getting *really* frustrating seeing all these women walking around and not being able to charm them. They do have some amazing hand-shakers, though.

I rallied them to my cause, as well as the mercenaries. Why the mercenaries? Because after getting the Dwellers, I could certainly become friends with everybody. But who wants to be stuck in the Friend Zone with all of these lovely ladies? Who knew it would be such tough work to become a randy Prince? No wonder all of the ladies at Court never succumbed to any of my advances.

Once I did all of that, my eyes were wide open! I spent the next week and a half walking around the Dweller camp, whistling to women (and men, because friends are very important in life as well, especially if they run a shop and will give you a discount), chatting with them, and striking my hero pose. Who cares that I hadn't really done anything? My pose was awesome.

I was making women love me all over camp. They really were pretty easy, actually. And the guys/lesbians! They became best friends so easily! You know the only thing that made it annoying? These people, and I mean everybody in Albion, want you to pay for their friendship. I don't know how many keys, books, gems, what have you that I had to go find before they would become friends with me! I thought only royalty acted that way, but I guess not! If I hear one more "I'll be friends with you if you go find this trinket" statement from a woman I'm chatting up, I might go insane!

Well, more insane than I already am.

And then they don't seem very grateful. It's like they're schizophrenic! I bring it back to them, and they say "oh, I suppose I should thank you for doing this. I GUESS I will. Thank you." Then, in the very next sentence, it's "You're such a wonderful friend! We're mates, now!" Very off-putting at first, but after a while, I went with the flow.

You know what the best thing is, though? You can have so many women in love with you in town. And get this. I thought this only happened at the castle. You can hug and kiss them in front of the others who are in love with you. And they don't do anything! They may make a comment that you're to cheap to marry them, but they won't actually go off in a huff.

Who knew this world existed? I will have to kill my brother for keeping me in such a sheltered life.

Oh, yeah. And for being mean to the peasants too. Must never forget that.

But the women! Oh, man, my options opened up even more when I was able to go to Brightwall Village. More women to love! More guys/lesbians to befriend! And get this. You can marry as many women as you want! Just make sure they don't meet or they might get into a catfight (wait, that might actually be fun). Actually, they might just divorce you, which would be good riddance anyway. However, people don't travel in Albion for some reason (I'm the only one who seems to go anywhere), so I can have a wife in each town with no danger! Can you imagine? Yeah, they do get a little demanding and all that, and keeping track of them can be hard (thankfully I never call them by name, so I don't have *that* problem to worry about).

My most awesome achievement? Being able to get multiple housewives to fall in love with me. Even to marry me! There's Kathy the Housewife, Erin the Housewife, Mable the Housewife, uhhh......dang, starting to lose track here. And no jealous husbands to be found! Kiss them right in the middle of the city square, there is no condemnation from the populace. Maybe they do know I'm the Prince and it's my prerogative to sow my royal oats where I want?

Or maybe they're counting on me to save them from my evil brother. Must keep remembering that. Where's my pen so I can write that down?

But the women! There must be something in the water in Albion too. Yes, you can have as many children as you want, wherever you want. I've been gone from the palace for three months now, and did you know that my eight kids are walking around their various villages already? I had sex with my new wife, and there was a baby the next day! I didn't pay attention to my biology books in school, but that seems weird to even me. Of course, when I go to visit my homes, the wife is never there, instead wandering around the town. Even when there's an infant in the crib! I have half a mind to divorce her, but she keeps giving me gifts. Health potions are expensive!

Yes, kids are walking around after three months. I must have really powerful genes!

I can't believe all that I was missing, living in the castle all day, staying in bed for all hours, letting my brother rule. It took an attempted revolution to open my eyes. There are lots of women out there to romance!

Oh, and vile oppression and murder, of course. That goes without saying.

But the women!

What? You want me to stop going off about the women in Albion? You want me to end my brother's tyrannical rule?

Ok.  I will do that. Soon.

Just after I head to that new town I discovered on the coast. I've heard they've got some hot and loose women over there.

After that? Violent revolution and overthrowing the government.


Note: I write this as my final farewell to Fable III and an ode to all of its silliness. Eighteen hours into the game, and I'm becoming bored stiff. At least the game was free! (Came with the console I bought).

Also, I happen to be playing a male character, but you can play a female character. Just switch all the genders/references around in the above piece, and you can be a randy princess! I'm sure the guys in Albion are hot too, though I can't say that I noticed. And you don't have to be straight either! But going into all of that would have made this post *really* confusing, so I kept him straight.