This is an emergency! But take your time... - hist Blog -
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This is an emergency! But take your time...

My journey to Gorhart had been a long one, but I had finally made it. Beset by boggarts and brownies, I was beginning to wonder if I would ever make it through alive. I do enjoy wandering in the wilds, though. I even love going back through again and again, where monsters seem to congregate. I have a feeling I can go to that clearing in the woods for the next 50 years, and there will always be exactly 3 boggarts there, waiting for unsuspecting travelers to come and kill them for the experience points. The gods work in mysterious ways.

But I have reached my destination. The center of the town has a few people walking in it, and there are only three buildings. Not much of an economy I guess. Maybe they make boxes and crates? Because there are a lot of them just lying around here. Just for kicks and giggles, I take out my longsword and bash a few of them in. The clink of gold sounds shrilly in my ears. I look around. The townsfolk don't seem to notice that I've just destroyed the entire line of boxes sitting outside the inn. I pick up the gold, putting one piece between my teeth and biting down on it.

This is good gold! I pocket it all.

I hear a loud moan from a group of three people across the square. Hey, maybe some adventure! I head on over, holstering my longsword (only wimps have scabbards). The group consists of two guards standing over a woman who is writhing on the ground in pain, holding her stomach. The low moans emanate from her mouth constantly. They're hard to listen to. The guards obviously just wish she'd shut up, as they're not even kneeling to see if they can do anything for her. I get the attention of what seems to be the guard captain.

"Hail, good sir!" I say, because I like to sound all formal and stuff.

"Oh, weary-looking traveler!" he says, turning to me. "Thank you for coming! Some layabout has done a dastardly deed and stabbed this poor woman in the stomach. I didn't know what to do, so me and Glommer here decided we'd just stand over her and wait for somebody to happen by."

I look down at the woman. She looks very pale, her pointed ears drooping in a way that tells me that she is dying. Slowly. Very slowly. But dying nonetheless.

"What happened?"

"One of the eight people who live in this village stabbed her. I couldn't figure out who, and I don't know how to heal somebody of her kind. There is one other Faery who lives somewhat close to here, but she wouldn't listen to me if I went to ask for her help. I...uh...I called her fat once. Now she won't talk to me." He looked down at the moaning woman again. "Can you help? Can you go to her and see how we can heal her?"

"You don't want me to find out who did this?" I ask.

"Nah," he says. "That's not important. The Faery is up on the hill above the village. You can't miss her." He points up to a cliff towering over the village. I can see a huge umbrella and a deck chair laid out right near the cliff's edge. I can't make out much detail of the woman sitting in the chair, but I can see the huge sunglasses over her eyes. She looks comfortable. I envy her.

"Ok, I'll do it," I say. I head out up the road leaving the village, destroying a few boxes, crates, and barrels on my way. Ah, gold is good!

As I go out into the wilds, I'm beset by more creatures, including some of those that I swear I've killed before. The bodies are gone, but these look exactly the same. I head up the road, around the bend, through the brush. Occasionally I happen upon somebody with an exclamation mark hovering over their head. I wonder if those are made by Chanel? They look classy, high end. These people give me some other stuff to do as well. To tell you the truth, these jobs seem much more interesting than helping some woman who's been stabbed. And they certainly sound like they promise a lot of gold and loot!

Two weeks later, after one of those jobs, I'm weighed down with loot, so much so that I can't carry so much as another lockpick. I head back to Gorhart to get rid of some of this stuff so I can get more stuff. You do know that's the meaning of life, right? To get more and better stuff! **

I suddenly appear in the middle of the square after consulting my world map. I look over and those two guards are still standing over this moaning woman. Oops! I had...uh...kind of forgotten about her. Every time I looked at my quest list, I just kind of glossed over this one.

Hey, look! Boxes!!!!

I thought I already broke those by the inn. I smash my sword through them again, collecting any gold coins that fall to the ground. Boxes must be the main industry around these parts.

Anyway, I head to the shop, thinking that those guards must be going insane, listening to that moaning non-stop for the last two weeks. Maybe I'd better put her out of her misery. After selling all my stuff (boy, do I feel lighter!), I head over to the group. "Look," I say. "I don't really see much of a reward for doing what you asked me to do. Why don't we just put her out of her misery and be done with it?" I get out my trusty longsword and take a few swipes at her. None of them seem to affect her at all. This is weird. My sword has a lot of blood on it, but can't seem to affect her at all.

I guess I will have to go up to that cliff and see about getting her healed.

Just after I go to the other side of the world to take care of those spiders. I hear there's a unique magic hammer over there! I'm sure the Faery will wait.


**(As a bonus, here's a George Carlin video about hoarding stuff! It's hilarious. Warning: Language)