Today, we are looking upon one of America's most beloved of all classics. A film so rich and full of emotion that whenever one dares mention its name, millions gasp at its glory. A film of the highest caliber, so powerful in its portrayal of love and passion that it can only be described as a modern masterpiece. Truly the most epic of all love stories, this is The Room.

Written, produced, and directed by a master of all crafts, Tommy Wiseau, The Room is a hypnotic ride that dares to question what love and life truly means in a society corrupted by evil. Indeed, such a film must be analyzed to the most thorough extent in order for one to truly appreciate its artistry and thematic honesty, but even those who don't will still be swept by it's beautiful love story. Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Star Wars, 2001: A Space Odyssey, they all quiver and bow before The Room's majesty.

Our story begins with Johnny, played by the prodigy himself, Tommy Wiseau. His performance bleeds profusely with heart and soul that no other actor has ever displayed. He is married to the beautiful Lisa, who, unfortunately, does not appreciate all of the many amazing things that Johnny has given her. Their only other housemate is the charming Denny, an innocent, young soul who Johnny adopted and put under his wing. Denny knows what Johnny has given him. Lisa doesn't.

Johnny and Lisa play around in bed for a while, but deep down within her Succubus smile, Lisa is not interested. Denny, on the other hand, wishes to join them, but does not quite understand that three is too much and would cause a crowd. He, too, loves Lisa as much as he loves Johnny, and Johnny loves Lisa. He fantasizes of her in a red dress, and longs for companionship. His story is tragic and heartbreaking, but not as much so as what begins to happen to Johnny's seemingly perfect life.

Lisa, becoming increasingly tired of Johnny, falls for his best friend, Mark. Mark is the kind of individual best described as an immoral opportunist, but is never perceived as the villain. The film doesn't judge its characters, but merely observes how the act, and leaves us to decide, giving a much stronger artistic impact of emotional resonance...well except for Lisa because, without more sophisticated words to describe it, everyone knows she's a total b*tch.

Lisa wishes to sleep with Mark. Mark is reluctant at first, but Lisa, using her temptress charm, lures him into her vaginal trap, artfully symbolizing how he is currently violating his friendship with Johnny.

Johnny is, as of yet, unaware of what Lisa is doing to him. He buys flowers for her at the local flower shop, in which he is the shopkeeper's favorite of all customers, and loved by all the doggies in the shopping district. He is such a kind-hearted, and caring soul, that the viewer becomes increasingly aware of how much damage could be done if he were to ever find out about Lisa's affair.

The Room gains much of its praise from the fearless performances of its actors, who show us the deepest parts of the human soul like no other. Mark, Lisa, and Denny are all empathetic and likeable supporting characters, but they're all Shia LaBeouf in comparison to Tommy Wiseau's breathtaking portrayal of Johnny. A tragic protagonist, so human and fragile, but still tender and filled with heart. He gives everyone all he has to offer, and even when they don't fully appreciate it, he still loves everyone equally.

How can you not tear up when he exclaims, "YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!" with such raw feeling. How can you not wish to whack off when you blissfully hear Tommy say lines such as "They used me, and I'm the fool." And how can you not orgasm as he says at the height of his acting caliber "I did not hit her! It's bullsh*t I did not hit her. I DID NAAAHHHT....o hai mark." Truly, you don't know what acting is until you've seen the heart and soul put into such as masterful performance. "Don't you understand life?" he questions to Lisa after a fight. He isn't mad at her, but he knows that Lisa is simply not as open to the beauties of life as he is. It's impossible to not shed a tear.

However, the directing and writing should not be dismissed. Wiseau's script captures the honesty of relationships beautifully, while his direction immerses us into Johnny's state of mind in a way that is subtle, a tad surreal, but completely absorbing. He captures the heart, mind, and soul of Johnny so perfectly that it's almost as if Wiseau inserted a real person into the film, who he knew so well that it could've easily been mistaken for himself. He also captures the beauty of the city of San Francisco's amazing vistas, including Alcatraz, the Golden Gate Bridge, a local coffee shop, and a back alley.

The film's (nonexistent) detractors have stated that the most pointless scenes are the ones in which Johnny simply plays catch with a football with his friends, but they fail to grasp how artful it truly is. The football represents the constant cycle of life, as it is thrown back and forth, back and forth, creating a perfect balance of harmony. And because the viewer sees Johnny as such a master of the simple game of catch, it clearly shows that he knows more about life than anyone else. It truly is poignant and profound.

However, obviously the most memorable moment of the film is the climax, which reaches such ground-breaking intensity, heated emotion, and heart-wrenching tragedy that it trumps even Requiem for a Dream. No film thus far has reached the emotional heights that The Room's ending had.

Clint Eastwood, Marlon Brando, Orson Welles, Stanley Kubrick, Steven Spielberg, Darren Aronofsky, Danny Boyle, Christopher Nolan, Frederico Fellini, Werner Herzog, Ingmar Bergman, David Lynch, Akira Kurosawa, David Fincher: Pussies under the shadow of the all-encompassing prodigy that is Tommy Wiseau.

Final Verdict: Truly a modern masterpiece, Tommy Wiseau's The Room takes us to emotional places most films wouldn't even dare to let us go. It is beautifully acted, astoundingly well-directed, honestly written, artful and profound, and truly a landmark in the medium of film. The Room will tear you apart.

That's all for now.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off for some football. Just let me get my best tux...