Lines Composed in a Tulsa Armchair: A Limerick Recap of E3 2013 - djchan08 Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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Lines Composed in a Tulsa Armchair: A Limerick Recap of E3 2013

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Of late, people have asked of me,

“David, what did you think of E3?

Were the game prospects thrilling?

The conferences fulfilling?

Did it leave you with rapture and glee?”

 

So I decided to pour me some golden,

And since whisky causes my words to embolden,

I’m taking some time

To assess it in rhyme,

The results of which you are now beholden.

 

All in all, I thought the show fair.

And while that may disappoint those who swear

It was the best that they’d seen

Since this generation was green,

I wasn’t exactly walking on air.

 

So please, allow me explain

In my silly limerick campaign,

That my attitude’s optimistic

But my outlook’s realistic.

At least that’s been my solemn refrain.

 

See, there was little out there that loomed

On the horizon I hadn’t assumed

Was already rising.

There was nothing surprising

That excitedly thundered and boomed.

 

The software presented was nice,

And I’m glad Microsoft heeded advice

Of those who said “These people want games,

Not pointless apps and cheap claims

About our entertainment device!”

E3MicrosoftPhilSpencer

So indeed, their conference was good,

But don’t let me be misunderstood.

Their policies blow

(As the message boards show)

And their new toy costs way more than it should.

 

I mean, I thought it was some kind of scam

When the announcer said they were to cram

A Kinect with the machine.

The prospect’s just obscene.

I get pushing your product, but…damn.

 

Other news from EA and Ubisoft

Hardly bore excitement aloft.

EA said “Sports Good!”

Ubi sported #girlwood.

And I think maybe somebody coughed.

 

Nintendo, however, said, “Screw it.

A conference? Hell, we’ve been through it.

There’s no need to cling

To such a dull thing.”

A strange move, but no need to pooh-pooh it.

 

Still, I have my reservations.

'Bout how they preached to the Nintendo nations.

Aside from Link’s new retro quest,

I saw nothing of zest

Outside the usual, and some tired iterations.

 

I know, it’s hard not to pull for the big N

When for many, that’s where we began

Our relationships with games.

Maybe this new model aims

For a much more competent conference plan?

iwata

Who knows? I’m fond of Nintendo,

But if we’re choosing a star of the show,

It’s on Sony I’m bettin'--

Put my cash on Jack Tretton.

That guy hit the stage like a pro.

 

Sony’s conference began with a lull

And a brief foray into the dull

Side of the presentation.

I, for one, felt frustration

When talk of TV rattled ‘round in my skull.

 

After these lame demonstrations,

Came great news of strong indie relations.

The room fell under sway

At the games on display

As they were met with widespread ovations.

 

But the most-talked about move at the show

Has to be Tretton’s final blow

Against Microsoft’s machine,

Though some may call it mean,

When Tretton served them a helping of crow.

 

“Our new box,” and here I paraphrase

Tretton’s words, “will surely be the next craze.

We won’t ban games that are used!

Our consumers won’t be abused

By DRM in the upcoming days!”

 

He was then met with thund’rous applause,

As he swayed even more to his cause

When the price was unveiled.

Cheers for Sony sailed,

As Microsoft went off looking for gauze.

sony

So let’s take a step back from the event

And look at the message it sent:

Sony strategy-wise

Just said, ”We’re not like those guys!”

At least that’s what I think of their intent.

 

Plus, the cynic in me says, “You know,

It wasn’t all that swell of a show.

Is the industry in such a state

That we all call it great

When a company just maintains status quo?”

 

And I’m not one of those who run

To purchase a console on day one.

I’ll wait out that inititial kick

Before I make my pick.

I’ll still admit, I got caught in the fun.

 

After all, it’s a new generation--

Even if E3’s an event for libations,

Laying great ideas beneath

The market’s champing teeth

And the usual stage masturbations.

 

Taking stock at the end of the day,

We've still got some great games to play.

Isn’t that main point

Of this whole crazy joint?

At least that’s what I’m taking away.

 

Well, that’s it. The conference was fine.

And my glass is empty, which is usually a sign

To quit all my thinking.

And if I hadn’t been drinking,

I’d end with something more clever than this last line.

Cheers,

--David

David is working on his PhD and currently writes for awesomeoutof10.com, where this article was originally published. Follow his hilarious acts of academic vigilantism on twitter and please feel free to ask questions and offer criticism!

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