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A Study into the Effects of Arrows Penetrating Your Knee: A Comedy Blog

 

This blog requires some explanation before you read. This is written as a medical study in the land and time period of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. So as you read, remember that this is meant to be read as though you were living in Skyrim. Enjoy!

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A Study into the Effects of Arrows Penetrating Your Knee

Written by Dr. Valgrund Battleshield

City of Dawnstar, Skyrim

While traveling throughout the provinces of Skyrim, I noticed something peculiar. It seems as though the constables of those fair provinces, who to put it in layman’s terms are called guards, were all once very much like the traditional Nord adventurer. They traveled the fair lands of Skyrim, fought off trolls and Sabre Cats, and discovered ancient artifacts of great power. Then, the oddest thing occurred. Each and every one of these “guards” had to quit being an adventurer. Why, you might ask? Because apparently every single one of these guards was shot through the knee with an arrow. Now you may be asking “Why am I wasting your time describing the sad lives of these guards?” If these former adventurers did indeed “take an arrow to the knee”, then they are needlessly endangering the citizens of Skyrim.

Let us look at the facts of why this is such a pressing concern. The knee is an important and vital part of our body. It is where our two leg bones meet, where the joint between the two resides. The Patellar Tendon connects the two bones, with the help of the collateral ligaments. These muscles function to move the knee, and to let you walk. By either expanding or contracting, these muscles will cause your knee to move forwards and backwards, respectively. Each and every time your knee is moved, your knee muscles are working diligently to keep you moving. Without them, your knee would lose most of, and possibly all of, its ability to function and move properly.

 

Now let us say that a knee was shot with an arrow. The offending arrow would immediately pierce the skin surrounding the knee, as if it weren’t even there. The arrow would then proceed to, depending on the angle of the projectile, go through the bulk of the knee. In order for the arrow to fully pass through the knee, it must go through the bone, the muscle, or possibly even both. If the arrow chose to take the latter of the two paths, the velocity of the projectile, paired with the barbaric design of the arrowhead, would pierce or sever the major ligaments and tendons that work to control said knee. Any bone that the projectile encounters will likely be shattered, and contribute to the damage of the knee muscles.  The nature of this particular type of injury would not only cause severe and immediate pain to its victim, but its negative effects will be felt throughout the rest of that person’s natural life.

How does the nature of this frighteningly barbaric injury affect your day to day life? If you would refer back to my earlier observations, I had concluded that each and every upholder of law throughout our fair land, whether they be Imperial, Stormcloak or just a simple city guard, has suffered through this heinous injury. As stated in paragraph two, your knee has many important muscles, without which your movement would be severely impeded. They would no longer be able to run, walk or even sit properly without bringing untold amounts of pain to their knee. As a result, they would not be able to protect the innocent civilians or uphold the laws of the land as effectively as they should normally be able to. By continuing to serve with these grievous injuries, they are unknowingly endangering the lives and livelihoods of the men, women and children they are charged with protecting. As long as these former adventurers continue to act as the guardians of all that we hold dear, common thieves, bandits and rouges will find it easier and easier to take and steal by exploiting this weakness. And this is why this practice of serving with these injuries must end.

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Author’s Note: WOHOO! I finally managed to get this done. After a month of procrastinating, I finally buckled down and got my sophomore effort finished. This was my attempt at writing a sort of comedy-esque blog, and I think it went pretty darn well.  Got any thoughts or opinions? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment to tell me what you thought. Any critiques and criticisms are encouraged and very much appreciated. 

 

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