The lights are on
Power Member - Level 10
(Opening Theme Music)
Markus: "Why hello there everyone. Today is a special day. Today we reach an incredible milestone. We finally made it to our first episode!!!! And boy is this episode a special one indeed. Today we will be featuring many well known faces that need just that little bit of advice to help move on with their lives. Let's bring on our first guest. He is a man with a terrible job and crappy love life, everyone help me welcome Master Chief."
Markus: "Now Mr. Chief please tell me your problem and I will do my best to possibly maybe help you."
Master Chief: "Well Markus as you know I'm a hero by occupation. These jobs get intense and I really want to unwind but for that I need a lady and the one I long for will not notice me."
Markus: "Interesting please tell us more."
Master Chief: "OK. Her name is Samus and she is the love of my life. The problem is that she won't notice me no matter how many games I'm in or how alluring my voice is."
Markus: "And what is it about Ms. Samus that has captivated your heart?"
Master Chief: "Oh man where to begin. She is brave and beautiful. Oh and she has this amazing ability."
Markus: "What kind of ability is this?"
Master Chief: "She has this ability where she can turn her body into a ball. It is amazing. Do you know the kind of penetr-"
Markus: "OK!!! I heard enough to be able to help you. The problem is that you are a little green. Have a good day."
Markus: "Now everyone I need you to welcome our next guest. He is mysterious, pretty and mean. Give it up for the Vampire Alucard!!!!"
Markus: "So what seems to be troubling you these days Mr. Alucard."
Alucard: "Life has always been tough for me. I jump from game to game and my story gets confusing, but things have taken a turn for the worst lately."
Markus: "How could things get any worse?"
Alucard: "Everywhere I go I get showered with glitter and told to strip. Glitter!!!! (Bleep) glitter!!! I don't understand why all of these educationally challenged girls want to bathe me in glitter and expect me to cry. I bare my fangs but all they do is screech and rip my clothes off. I need help Markus and you are the only person I can turn to."
Markus: "I understand your problem. The answer is actually pretty simple. All you have to do is Chris Brown some of them and then they will turn their backs to you and it will all go away. Enjoy being ridiculed and have a nice day."
Markus: "Now we will move on to our final guest. He is mean, green, and loves using Vaseline, Bowser!!!!!"
Markus: "I understand you are having issues dealing with spousal support, care to give us more details?"
Bowser: " The problem began in 1985 when I was seduced by a princess. I brought her to my castle and things got really heavy really fast. Then some short fat guy came and tossed me into a lava pit and stole my lady. A few months later she sends me another letter telling me she has something of mine. When I go to her she gives me a child that looked like me. It was Bowser Jr. Every time after that I try to get her to the castle to do her part as the mother but then that fat sack of stereotype known as Mario gets in the way. How can I put an end to this? I just want my family to be together and happy."
Markus: "I am so sorry to hear that. I think what you need is to move on and find a new love."
Bowser: "And how do you expect me to find someone for me?"
Markus: "Don't doubt the power of television. I have found the two dumbest and easiest group of females in the world. (Grabs two televisions) On one t.v. you have the Kardashians and on the other you have The Jersey Shore. Pick your skank and have a wonderful day."
Markus: "And there you have it people. Our momentous first episode. Stay tuned and don't miss a moment. With your help we might even make it to episode 1142. Thank you and goodnight."