I felt that Halo 4 was the best title in the series yet, and it marks the beginning of what I hope will be another great trilogy. The game succeeded where its predecessors did not: establishing Master Chief with some sort of character, and strengthening the bond he and Cortanna share. So, to pay homage to the Chief and his AI companion, here are the totally deep and not-funny morals this game teaches gamers. I'm thinking I might make this a recurring series, where I take a humorous look at games and see what they can teach us humble individuals about real life. Here's to Halo 4!

4 Years of Solitary Confinement Will Make Anyone Go Insane

At the end of Halo 3, Cortana manages to get the Forward Unto Dawn away from The Ark in time for the ship to remain un-exploded, but not to remain in one piece. While the Arbiter got to go home, and possibly make some sweet *achem* to whatever Elites consider to be females on their homeworld, the Master Chief and Cortana were forced to float through space in half of a kick-ass ship. Arguably, Master Chief got the better deal than his female AI friend: he may have been a space-cicle for four years, but at least he got some sleep. As for Cortana, she was tasked with maintaining a ship that didn't need maintenance (because it was pretty useless without a hull to begin with), all alone (because space has a habit of killing stuff that breathes in air), without any form of entertainment (because the Forward Unto Dawn is a military ship, and thus doesn't come with in-house videogame consoles).

She had nothing to do, nothing to see, and no one to pass the time with, other than a Mjolnir-flavored, supersoldier ice cube for four years. To put that in perspective, imagine you being in a room with nothing, not even windows, and see how long you maintain your sanity after a week, let alone a year. The sheer boredom we'd experience is nothing compared to Cortana's, especially when you consider how her processing power allows her to think infinitely faster than a mere human. Imagine a thought. In the amount of time it took you to "imagine," Cortana has already thought of it, its permutations, and figured out how to put the thought in a haiku that'd be painted by a llama. Who says she didn't think about llamas?

Imprisoned Gods Are Probably Evil

(Spoilers) "Imprisonment" carries some important connotations, the first of which is the guy/gal imprisoned is probably not going to be very nicey-nicey. Sure, say whatever you want about how Chief was tricked into releasing the Didact from his ridiculously awesome and high-tech cell. That still doesn't change the fact that we can all learn something from Chief's mistake: if a gigantic orange, intimidating, floating orb is just waiting around and even repeats after you with an evil-voice-that-is-deep, the being its holding will probably try to kill you. Gods, demigods, humans, animals, pet rocks; what's imprisoned doesn't really matter when it comes to gaming narratives. If it was locked away and forgotten, the reasons why probably run along the lines of "It has a penchant for ending people's lives."

I guess you could say that in games, and fiction in general, legends are probably true, evil gods, sub-gods and undead generals will always find some way to come back, and one should never open Pandora's Box because whatever's inside might help them out. Curiosity killed the cat, and probably will kill everything else if it gets the chance. The harder a prison is to get to, to open ,and to seal, the worse an idea opening it is, because the occupant is probably powerful, evil, and inclined to kill everything in sight.

The Only Way to Stop a Bad Guy With a Superweapon is a Good Guy with a Superweapon

Sometimes a gun isn't enough to eliminate threats against humanity. Heck, sometimes a genetically-engineered, 7'-tall supersoldier who literally lives to kill things isn't enough. When all else fails, sometimes giving said supersoldier a Havok nuke and sending them in an alien warship is the best thing to do. Because, really, let's face it: humanity always gets the short end of the stick. Aliens have shields, multiple mandibles (which'll be the name of my rock band one day), and swords that come out horizontally from their hilts. What marines, vehicles, and mile's-long spaceships can't solve, a nuke big enough to blow up a few of Jupiter's moons is the only thing that does the trick.

Even the Forerunners knew that the only way to stop a bad guy with a superweapon is a good guy with a superweapon. The Flood threatened the galaxy, turning all sentient life into rabid space-zombies. Their armadas were weakened by fighting us humans, before they reduced us to cavemen when we lost our war. Flood surged forward, overrunning colonies and heavily-populated worlds. Naturally, they created entire rings that had the power to wipe out all sentient life, besides the Flood, who would starve to death without rations of Forerunner and Human to feast off of. The Rings saved the galaxy from the Flood by killing everything that could say "I want to live."

What morals have you learned from Halo 4?



Happy Gaming!