Directed by Simon West (Con Air, The Expendables 2), Lara Croft: Tomb Raider features Angelina Jolie speaking in a British accent and future Bond star Daniel Craig speaking in an American accent. 

I'd completely forgotten Daniel Craig was in this at all. There's something about the type of American accent he went with that makes him sound hilariously dorky. It's strange watching a movie where Daniel Craig sounds nothing like Daniel Craig.

Lara's has her butler in the movie -- although he's much younger than the standard movie butler, for some reason -- but Lara now also has an assistant, a quirky tech expert named Bryce. Anyone who read Joe Kelly's run on Deadpool back in the 90s will instantly recognize Bryce as Deadpool's tech expert / assistant Weasel. Bryce looks and acts so much like the Marvel comic character, I'm convinced the screenwriter must've been reading the series at the time.

Although Lara Croft was inspired by Indiana Jones, the movie versions of the two characters would never get along;  movie Lara's first impulse when faced with a puzzle or mystery is "destroy the priceless artifact!" Shatter it with a hammer, ruin it with a knife, deface it with a gun...destroy the priceless artifact! She would make Indy cry.




But she's destroying the artifacts because she's got her sights set on a much more valuable item. We're not told what it is at first, but it turns out she and the bad guy are both trying to steal...time itself. In the climax, Lara and bad guy race each other to get to time first. Lara wins, and uses control of time to go back in time, where she stops the bad guy from having killed Daniel Craig with a thrown knife five minutes earlier. 

She actually time-stops and reverses the direction of the knife so that it travels right back at the bad guy, hitting him with his own knife. But in order to reverse the direction, she has to turn the blade. And she doesn't just grab the handle. No, she puts one hand on the handle, and grips the blade with the other hand, clutching it tightly. Just as I started to wonder whether that hurt, blood starts dripping from her fingers. But she remains unfazed, because grabbing the blade was supposed to seem badass rather than stupid. Instead, it just left me wondering how she still has all her fingers.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is a fun mindless action movie, but as such requires that you turn your brain off first.