[31/31: The Movie | Part 2] Double Dragon (1994) - Critical Kate Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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[31/31: The Movie | Part 2] Double Dragon (1994)

I've been watching these videogame movies in the order they were released at a rate of one a week with a group of friends. While we universally enjoyed Super Mario Bros.Double Dragonwas so putrid that some members of our group were already rethinking their desire to go through with this.

Basically, the problem with Double Dragon is that it wasn't just written for kids – it comes across as though it was actually written by a kid. I can imagine the screenwriter prompting his kid: 

"The brothers are fighting against another team in a competition. What happens next?"

The kid responds enthusiastically, "Billy jumps on the other guy and starts giving him noogies! Everyone comes out and starts fighting, like a hockey game!"

"Ha ha, okay," the adult says as he jots this down. "Afterwards they head to their car. What does it look like?"

"Their car is the Ghostbuster car! But it has a flame on it, like the Batmobile! And the flame gets bigger when they put things in Mr. Fusion!"

In short, the entire movie makes a lot more sense if you imagine a kid dictating this story to his screenwriter father. Abobo is tortured with spinach in order to get him to talk. The movie ends with the brothers unlocking the ability to possess others, which they proceed to use to prank each other. Even many of the prop and character designs look like they were based off sketches drawn by this kid, the "Ghostbuster car" and mutated Abobo in particular. 

While the movie starts off so-bad-its-good, by the end it's just so-bad-its-bad. During the last ten minutes we'd stopped heckling the movie and just sat silently, speechless as to how bad it'd gotten.

The climatic end sequence also contains one of the strangest bits of product placement I have ever seen, in the form of the Double Dragon arcade appearing right behind one of the brothers during a fight scene. I mean, isn't the movie already an advertisement for the game? Though I suppose the movie was technically more based on the animated series that was on the air at the time. In fitting bit of symbolism, the original arcade gets destroyed during the fight.

The strangest part? Paul Dini of Batman: The Animated Series fame wrote the first draft of the script. I'd love to read that draft and see how much it changed.

 

 

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