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Maybe some clarity is needed for this title. See, I've been
doing video reviews since February 13th of this year, and it has
been fun, don't get me wrong. Still, reviewing games this way absolutely sucks
in ways you can't possibly comprehend. So I decided to take a stroll down
memory lane and look at all the video reviews I've done over the past month and
a half. What could possibly o wrong?
(A blog not talking about this game? The gods must be mad)
Gotham City Imposters
What I Liked
Well, it was my first REAL video review (yes, I am ignoring
my Dragon Age 2 review from last year), so I am proud of the fact that I
actually managed to cobble together a coherent review. Plus, the Gotham City Imposters team actually
commented on my review, so that was a great moral boost and gave me great
incentive to continue.
What I Didn't
The fact that I didn't do any sort of introduction and just
started going off on a tangent really did make the flow at beginning feel off.
I also hated the fact that I barely went into any sort of detail as to why the barely
nonexistent singleplayer content was so poorly done. I
just added a cricket noise and that's it. I also brought up the name of the
game constantly, as if the viewers couldn't figure out that a review of Gotham
City Imposters was about a game called Gotham City Imposters. Did I also
mention that a smoke alarm was going off in this review? I didn't notice it
(months of hearing it made me subconsciously block it out, much like the screaming
of small children). Later I finally found up that when we were fixing the walls
that we must have sealed in a smoke alarm on the other side of the wall.
Alan Wake's American Nightmare
Well, I liked the fact that I managed to beat this game and
review it all in the same day. I think that I made a good joke here and there
and I was happy I at least made some sort of introduction to this game.
Recording the audio for this game was a pain in the ass. But
then again I was the moron that thought recording one line at a time was a
great idea. Apparently audacity thought
it would be hilarious to crash every after every line, so I felt the script
felt a little weak. Also, I didn't go into as much detail with the storyline as
I wanted to, but maybe that was for the best. I also wish I would have put more of an
emphasis on perhaps exploring the characters and why exactly they didn't work
as well as the original Alan Wake.
I liked the fact that I managed to play a sports title
without spontaneously exploding with rage or throwing the neighbor's puppy down
a nearby well (not throwing my own dogs). I've never been a sports game fan, so
expanding my horizon was an interesting experience to say the least.
What I Didn't
Everything. Do you know how incomprehensibly hard it is to
show off footage for a game that features nothing but snowboarding? Exactly 40565 percent of the footage is of me either wrecking and crashing into the boob shaped mountains (some people say they say a flock of birds gracefully dancing together, they're just stupid though). I can't
talk about the plot, and the multiplayer footage is identical to the
singleplayer footage. I looked through at least 10 hours of footage and it all
looked the same. By the end of this review I wanted to beat someone with a
snowboard. I also didn't fully
understand the mechanics as well as I should have, so I really didn't get to
explain them as well as I wanted.
Mass Effect 3
I was extremely happy that I managed to get through this
game in only two days (it's not like I wanted to go to the beach or anything
during spring break *sigh*). I also
liked that I focused on the very important issue of Miranda's lopsided ass. As
we all know, BioWare's main focus for the Mass Effect games since the second
installment has been to focus as much on Miranda's perfectly sculpted ass as humanly
possible. Why else would every cutscene featuring her almost exclusively feature
her ass in extreme close-ups? I was also really happy that I didn't really
spoil anything (believe me, I wanted to add something about the endings, but
refrained from doing it). I do wish I would
have mentioned how much more involved Cerberus was, but maybe that would have
been too revealing to the plot.
I didn't like a few of the cuts I made to the footage.
During end there is a brief second where you can see James pop up and he was supposed
to have been cut. Now he just kind of pops up like some sort of space STD to
ruin the footage. Also, I didn't talk about the multiplayer as much as I should've.
I should have mentioned that it was essentially horde mode, but with the
annoying twist of card unlocks. After all, I love the fact that this game
mirrors my pre-teen years of collection cards. Didn't you enjoy buying packs of
cards as a kid, only to always get 15 exact worthless cards? Going through 30 hours of footage was also no
easy feat to do in a single day. I think that was the main reason I've been
thinking of doing reviews on Friday, as opposed to Thursday.
Silent Hill Downpour
I think I did a good job explaining why this particular
Silent Hill didn't work as well as some of the earlier entries and why it
worked better than some of the newer entries. I also enjoyed the fact that I
managed to get such a wimpy scream out of the main character. I was also proud that I managed to navigate through
the cobbled mess of fog infested footage to at least add some variety to the
Konami filled a copyright claim against me. After trudging
through this game and making sure I could have not only the footage uploaded,
but as many endings as I could as well, Konami decided to fill a copyright
claim against me. That made me mad to say the least. I also didn't like the
fact that I could show more of the side missions. Honestly, navigating through
this new part of Silent Hill is a nightmare, so I really did have trouble
finding anything of note. Most of the time I was trying to comprehend why rabid
Justin Bieber fans were jumping on my back and screaming, so navigating through
the town and looking for the obscure
side missions was far off my mind. I also wish I would have shown
exactly how poor the enemies were in comparison to previous entries. In total,
I think there are about 5 or 6 enemy types, and that's being overly generous.
Resident Evil Operation Raccoon City
I liked the fact that I managed to do the all-important task
of giving Nemesis a smiley face and pointed out Leon's bone-dead expressions.
Plus, I'm glad I was able to capture footage of many of the game's glitches, as
I wouldn't want to complain about something that I couldn't find footage of and
back up my claims.
I think I should have made it clearer that I did enjoy a lot
of what this game had to offer, especially the multiplayer component. I also should have made it clearer as to why
the characters in this game were such unmemorable pieces of cardboard. Plus, I
should have made it clear that this game is obnoxiously short to the point of
being insulting (3 hours on even the hardest difficulty). Normally I don't
bring up length, but I think it should have more of an issue in this title. The
multiplayer should have also been a stronger focus and maybe I should have
included thoughts on the Nemesis mode, but I thought it would be better to only
review what was included in the box version of the game.
So what did I learn from this amazing retrospective? I
learned that even my perfection can have faults from time to time. I do know
that I am happy that I don't include scores with my reviews, as it forces
people to actually listen to the review instead of focusing on some arbitrary numerical
value. I do think I'm still trying to find a nice balance in my reviews. I'm
thinking of adding looking at each aspect in more clearly done segments, as opposed
to looking at everything in a continuous blur.
I've really been enjoying doing these reviews. I went from 13 subscribers to 952 in just 5 weeks, so it's been going pretty good so far. This week there won't be a review (do you really want to see my hobble through Warriors Orochi ******* 3 or Tiger Woods 13?). Instead this week I'm going to be counting down the best video games of this year... so far.
So I hope you enjoyed this retrospective post and I hope enjoy this week's feature video as well. As always, I'm Cody and I completely know how sexy I am, no need to remind me.