I don't like Borderlands. There, I said it. I really think Borderlands is one of the most boring games I have played in a long time. I thought it had some great ideas, but lackluster execution. So while I was playing Alan Wake, I thought about what could make Borderlands 2 better. I am not sure why I thought about Borderlands 2 while playing Alan Wake. It could be that I have come full circle after going crazy trying to find a way to un-glitch the last god forsaken coffee thermos. Anyways, onto the list.

1 Weapons That Matter



One of the biggest appeals of Bordermacallit was the, now I am using the scientific term here, ass-load of guns that were available. Now this was true that there was a "ass-load" of weapons, but none of them were really different.

Don't get me wrong, Cody loves him guns long time, but Bordermahuisits offered mostly pallet swapped guns. I was expecting something more along the lines of Ratchet and Clack. Why couldn't I go out and kill a psycho and get a gun that shoots ******* sharks. Why would I want to? Because **** you sharks are awesome.

When I played Borertingtangwalawalabingbang, all I got was a pistol. Are you serious? In a game that was supposed to be over the top, Borderlands sure did go all Vanilla Ice on the weapons department. I want guns that are as crazy as the actual characters. It's no fun beating the same Scags with shotguns. Give me a gun that shoots a black hole or something that shoots monkey *** at my enemies.

2. Plot That Matters

(Actual plot for Borderlands)

You know what game had a really funny plot, because it's not Borderbieber. One of the biggest sins a game can do is having a worthless plot. Now I know some of you may be thinking that because Borderpuppies was a comedic game, means it doesn't need to have a plot. To you sir, I slap you buttocks in a firm polite manner.

I never once felt compelled to do anything in Borderporn's world. What did I really do during my time in the game? I shot some things, collected other things, and had a woman who communicated with me through...magic?

 And after all that killing and grinding what was my reward? A blob monster that could be killed with a rusty fork was my final challenge. Then I close the vault and everything is hunky doodle dandy. Fan ******* tastic.  This go around, how about giving me a interesting plot or at least a funny one?
The character's in the plot didn't have too much personality out of "Kill this, grab that, or scratch my ass". Just because you aren't serious, doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have a decent plot.

3. Vehicles

(Somehow, someway, we made tanks better)

In a game where madness is supposedly prevalent, there is a serious lack of vehicles. I mean, could we get some tanks up in this here house, dog. Bordersause could really use some good old fashioned tanks or helicopters in my book. Nothing brings out the fun more than beating friends senseless with tanks.

I was actually shocked that Borderlard didn't have many vehicles. In the first trailers and announcements of the game, I clearly remember having a giant ass mobile base. So what could make traveling better than more things with wheels? After all, wheels make things go fast and running through the wastes is incredibly boring as hell.

4. 8 Player Co-op

One thing that made Bordernoire tollerable for me was the amazing co-op. Having a group of pals to get constantly spanked by Crawmerax is something I will forever cherish. So why not go all out and make the game just a big raidtastic co-op experience.
Giving the nature of Borderherp, I can totally see having large groups of friends having full on raids. Think of the possibilities! Now, everyone can fight to the death over a pistol! Hooray friendship!

5 Customizable Characters

I was a tank in Borderdead. So my look was always Arnold Schwarzenegger fused with Dolph Lundgren. I would really like to have the option to not look like a absolute meat-bag. Plus, it would give me more attachment to my character, because I would have made him. It may not change the gameplay in anyway, but I would kill to be able to wear a hat.

Well, that was my list. It was fun, wasn't it? I kinda just thought of this out of the blue. I realize that many people did like Borderland's and realize that this is just my own opinions on the matter at hand.Plus, I have yet to get my magazine in the mail. I guess in addition to killing my dog I can't my mail now either.




All comments welcome and have a great night!