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Note: There are two ways for you to experience this story:
one is by just reading, the other is by reading it with this awesome music
I hope you enjoy Cubone's tale of Epic-ness!
The Great Cubone wasn't like all the other Cubones. While
the other guys were bashing skulls and having sword fights with their bones; Cubone
had a love for poetry. He didn't want to fight against the stupid water types
and ice types; he just wanted to read T.S. Eliot and Emily Dickinson. He
absorbed the poetry; he salivated at the use of every literary device. While he
loved writing and reading poetry he always heard his mother say "Cubone's are
meant to fight and evolve." The Great Cubone didn't follow these rules set out
by his mother. He was a romantic at heart, a lover not a fighter; and he couldn't
evolve because his stupid trainer gave him an everstone. The Great Cubone wasn't
even called "The Great Cubone" at this point in his life... he was called the "Romantic
Freelance Poet Cubone". No one loved him for who he really was.
So what The Great Cubone did was try to find a way to go to
an alternate universe where his love for poetry would be appreciated. He went
to all the legendary caves in hopes there would be some time portal that could
bring him to the times of Catullus. Instead he stumbled upon Bill's house.
The house was cluttered with computers, file cabinets,
papers, and some dumb contraption that sort of resembled a time travel device.
"Why hello there Romantic Freelance Poet Cubone" Bill said.
The language barrier between Cubone and Bill proved
impossible to maneuver around so Cubone just nodded.
"So what do want?" Bill asked
Frustrated by Bill's incompetence to understand the fact
there was a language barrier between them, he nodded and pointed at the
Bill after minutes of trying to interpret Cubone's hand
gestures realized what he saying and shoved him in the teleportation device.
"It won't turn you human; this device makes you travel to
the world of Katamari."
Cubone hearing that dreadful world screamed to be let go,
but it was of no use as he was already sent to a time of weird puzzle solving.
Upon arriving into the world of Katamari, The Great Cubone
was frightened to see it all in shambles as every single person within the
universe was binge drinking celebrating their last achievement (which was
aligning the stars after the King was binge drinking). All the alcohol turned
the world into just clumps of debris, everything was in disarray.
Cubone sat in awe of this place, he was both disturbed and
entranced by this place.
"I can write some great poems about this place" he thought
But he didn't have any paper. After this realization Cubone
went into a fit of rage throwing his bone all over the place. He them attempted
to pick some debris up and throw it, but it was of no use because you can only
roll on things to pick them up.
So The Great Cubone, discouraged, just sat and mused about
his emotions and life in general. He threw his bone a last time and it happened
to hit someone! The poor fellow came crashing down dropping this powerful item
in front of Cubone's stubby toes.
Not caring for the welfare of that poor individual, Cubone
celebrated his only successful bonemerang move. While celebrating he noticed a
piece of paper. His eyes glowed with excitement but he realized he could not
pick it up. So while walking towards it in an attempt to write on the ground,
Cubone tripped over the magical device and started rolling. He couldn't stop
it, he picked up his paper, but he also picked up debris, then a tree, then
All during this madness he thought "my trainer didn't teach
me rollout". The madness continued as he picked up everything he could.
Everyone during their hangovers stood in awe of this magical beast saving their
world when all Cubone wanted was his paper. So he rolled and rolled and rolled
and until there was no debris left.
This debris was then lifted in the sky and used to craft the
stars and sky once again. The people thought Cubone was sacrificing himself to
save the world, but all he wanted was that stupid paper.
A beautiful explosion occurred and everyone in the world
celebrated but mourned for the loss of their mysterious hero. They called him "Cubone,
Hero of the Katamari" and "The Great Cubone". They built statues for him and
everyone named their kids and dogs "Cubone". The world of Katamari was a better
place, and it was all because of Cubone.
So what happened to our poet then? Well Cubone lives on in
space, happy now with all his accomplishments. With pen and paper in hand,
Cubone has the whole universe to write for. He is savior of the Katamari, and
savior of Romantic poetry... his name is "The Great Cubone". (He also went on to have
27 Cubone kids all named after different poets)... he is lover, not a fighter.