The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 11
He was a dashing young man. Born on the planet of Eden Prime,
his early beginnings were those of turmoil and suffering due to the attacks of
synthetics. However after the savior of the galaxy saved the world from
Reapers, N7Kevin decided to follow in his footsteps and become a savior as
While his origin was that of pain and suffering, he removed
his troubles and excelled physically and mentally in the N7 training programs.
However N7Kevin had a problem, he had seven fingers on his right hand. This
made him an outcast and very inefficient with firearms, thus he was rejected. Even
with his physical talent and intelligence, he couldn't fit in because he had
seven fingers on only one hand.
So he compulsively ate Ben & Jerrys for six months
watching sappy romantic comedies as he struggled to find his place in the
world. He was angry... angry at everyone because he was rejected for having seven
fingers on one hand. I mean what the hell were the instructors thinking? So
N7Kevin went on a journey of self-discovery to find his place in the universe.
However he had flight sickness caused him to excessively
throw up and crash on a luscious, green planet. Shocked from the impact, N7Kevin
awkwardly walked around for any trace of civilization. He thought if he found
civilization on this uncharted planet, he could use his talents for good.
While exploring the wild forests, he came to realize that
this planet was in fact inhabited; by Amazon-like women. A new species that
N7Kevin discovered all by himself, he thought he could bring this new species
to join the Citadel... and possibly score a few brides. He was a smooth operator,
and could successfully flirt with any woman, even a Krogan woman. So he
flirted, scored some brides and lived as their fair and just ruler... for two
Tropical Thresher Maws decided to crash the party and threatened
to destroy the entire species of Amazon women. Unable to properly attack the
Maws because of their lack of technology, they relied on N7Kevin to save the day.
The problem was he didn't have any weapons, just a crashed ship that did have a
thanix cannon... but no targeter. So he searched for a way to launch the rockets
at the Maws to save his people, but was unable.
As the women were being slaughtered, N7Kevin lost hope that he
could save his incredibly attractive race. So he played Dance Central 59: Space Edition on his
Vita, trying to cope with the harshness of his situation. It was then he
realized how he could destroy his enemies; by dancing.
One secret that N7Kevin had over the previous savior was his
impeccable dancing skills. His dancing wooed the women and made the men
envious. It was his only shot, to dance the Maws away. So he put his dance
pants on, and danced like a boss. The way he gyrated his hips made the Maws so
confused that they ended up killing each other by the sheer awesomeness of his
moves. N7Kevin unlocked his true power; dancing. It didn't matter that he had
weird hands, his dancing saved a species of Amazon women... and without competing
males... N7Kevin's legend was born.