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"Excess.  I'll support a good cause as much as the next guy, but this has gone far enough."

Hello, hello guys and welcome to the Week 5 recap.  Did you guys enjoy your weekend?  Yeah?  Well, good for you.  My Giants are now 0-5, and as you'll soon see, there were two specific losses that occurred this week.  But I'm almost spoiling you guys, here, so without further ado here is the....

Game Informer Online 2014 Fantasy Football League Week 5 Scoreboard

Ponder This 86
Golden Chocobos 79

Kicking off the week 5 scoreboard is a close game between Watchman's Ponder This and GCsoxfan's Golden Chocobos, Ponder This getting the win 86 to 79.  Both teams had some good performances, with Sam Bradford (20 pts), Randall Cobb (10 pts), Jimmy Graham (surprisingly mild 13 pts), Greg Zuerlein (10 pts), and the Rams defense (13 pts) providing the points for the Golden Chocobos.  However, even though Ponder This had less players in double digits, the team scored just enough to put them over the Chocobos, with Matt Stafford scoring 14 points, Julius Thomas 24, Matt Prater 18, and the Panthers defense garnering 10 points.  Ponder This now moves to 4-1, with this being the closest game in the team's four game win streak.

Ponder This takes on Hand of Thrawn next week, while the Golden Chocobos is on the road against Team Vaas. May Peyton Manning have mercy on GCsoxfan's soul.

Bourbon St Skankzillas 125
The Orange Box 53

Our second match of the week was a blowout, with Bourbon st Skankzillas manhandling The Orange Box 125-53.  The only two performances of note for The Orange Box were Aaron Rodgers (14 pts) and Chris Johnson (13 pts), with the rest of the team just downright under-performing.  On the other side of things, TOGNick's team couldn't have had a better game, seven players getting over ten points each to essentially secure him the W.  Leading the way was Knowshon Moreno with 20 points, with Philip Rivers' 18, Desean Jackson's 19, Vernon Davis and Denarius Moore's 14, Sebastian Janikowski's 12, and the 49ers defense 19 giving the Skankzillas more than enough to win a rather lopsided game.

The Skankzillas are up against Cobra Unit in Week 6, and The Orange Box takes on Favorite Team on The Citadel.

Cobra Unit 105
Hocotate Cobras 86

Before I break down this game, may we have a moment of silence for the end of attackcobra's undefeated run?  (some fitting music)  Alright, that's enough of that.  Yes, the hope of an undefeated season for the Hocotate Cobras ended week 5, with Cobra Unit taking the win in the Cobra Bowl (as named by me) 105-86.  Except for a few players' games, the Hocotate Cobras actually had some guys with good point totals, with Matt Ryan (18 pts), Matt Forte (11 pts), Mike Wallace (10 pts), Alshon Jeffery (a team leading 27 pts), and Ryan Succop (15 pts) being the performances of note.  Unfortunately those games weren't enough, Tony Romo's ridiculous 40 points, backed up by Marshawn Lynch's 10 points, Garret Hartley's 16, and the Browns defense's 18 giving the win to Cobra Unit.

The Hocotate Cobras take on The God of Wine in the sixth week.

Team Vaas 86
Cerpin Taxmen 56

Well, I didn't want to have to use this song, but a loss is a loss, and unfortunately for me the dream of an undefeated season is over.  Yes, on top of seeing my Giants lose yet again, I had to keep track of Team Vaas handing me a 30 point loss, his team winning 86-56.  Leading the way as usual for Team Vaas was Peyton Manning, who scored 36 points, with Danny Woodhead (10 pts), and Wes Welker (10 pts) helping to pull away.  Eric Decker's 12 points and 14 points from the Bengals defense gave me a sense of false hope, but really, paltry performances from the rest of my team and sitting Ray Rice (who scored 19 points) cost me this game.

My Taxmen take on Saturday's Morning Replay's once seemingly dead Blue Stingers next week.

Hand of Thrawn 61
LetMeGetA Checkpoint 92

In a battle of two of the worst teams in our league, LetMeGetToA Checkpoint finally cracks the win column, winning against Hand of Thrawn 92-61.  Leading the way for Checkpoint's team was Jay Cutler (22 pts), with support from Rashard Mendenhall (10 pts), Austin Pettis (16 pts), and the Patriots defense (11 pts).  Meanwhile, Andrew Luck and Jamaal Charles scored 17 points, and Vincent Brown scored 11 for Hand of Thrawn.  With the rest of the team slacking though, those points just weren't enough.

LetMeGetToACheckpoint's team faces Real Radioactive next week.

Favorite Team on The Citadel 95
Blue Stingers 97

Very close game between SMR and Chris this week, with Replay's Blue Stingers just edging out Favorite Team on The Citadel.  Both teams had some good performances, with Eli Manning (15 pts), LeSean McCoy (14 pts), Jason Witten (18 pts), Justin Blackmon (19 pts; boy do I feel like an a**hole for releasing him, now), and Caleb Sturgis (11 pts) supplying the points for Citadel.  However, there's more behind the points than meets the eye in this case, as had Eli Manning not thrown 3 interceptions Chris very well could've won this game.  That isn't how it went down though and the Blue Stingers, with help from Arian Foster (11 pts), Frank Gore (14 pts), Torrey Smith (12 pts), Charles Clay (11 pts), Alex Henery (20 pts), and the Dolphins defense (11 pts), walk away with the victory.

The God of Wine 111
Real Radioactive 88

Closing out this week's scoreboard is yet another big win for thegodofwine7, his team beating Radioactive Deathbat's team 111-88.  Fred Jackson (21 pts), James Jones (18 pts), Hakeem Nicks (14 pts), and Justin Tucker (18 pts) gave some hope to Real Radioactive.  Michael Vick (11 pts), DeMarco Murray (10 pts), Dez Bryant (24 pts), Josh Gordon (14 pts), Steven Hauschka (16 pts), and the Chiefs defense (16 pts) stepped on that hope like a bug, and gave The God of Wine another win.

*No scores are final until Saturday, and are subject to change*

And now, the standings after Week 5.


GIO FF East:

1. Cerpin Taxmen 4-1
2. Team Vaas 3-2
3. Blue Stingers 3-2
4. Bourbon St Skankzillas 2-3
5. Favorite Team on The Citadel 2-3
6. The Orange Box 2-3
7. Golden Chocobos 1-4

GIO FF West:

1. Ponder This 4-1
2. Hocotate Cobras 4-1
3. The God of Wine 2-2-1
4. Cobra Unit 2-2-1
5. Real Radioactive 2-3
6. Hand of Thrawn 1-3-1
7. LetMeGetToA Checkpoint 1-3-1

...And that's week 5 in the bag.  Wish I could've won my game, but who knows, maybe my fantasy football hubris is a contributing karmic force to the Giants terrible season, and perhaps the loss can right some other worldly energy and help Big Blue to a win against the Bears this Thursday.  Eh, probably not.  Good luck to my fellow owners in the coming week, and I will be back next Tuesday with the Week 6 edition of the scoreboard.