-Note: This is a joke blog regarding the Game Informer Online 2014 Fantasy Football League.  It's aim is nothing more than silly smack talk.  Whatever cockiness follows this message, DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY, as more than likely my team will suck a**.-

If you don't already know, there are GIO fantasy football leagues going on, one of which I'm a part of.  I was a little hesitant at first to join, as the only other time I've done fantasy football it was an auto-draft league, but in the end I decided to throw caution to the wind and give a more serious league a go.  I couldn't do that bad on my first live draft, right?

Well, while I like my team, my draft did not go as planned.  Any players I intended to get were taken before I knew it, and for most of the draft I was picking players mostly based on the points they're expected to get this year.  So really, I don't know what to make of my team.  They might just be the GIO edition of the 2008 Detroit Lions.  Ultimately, only time will tell how I did.

Or maybe, just maybe, the Cerpin Taxmen (in keeping with combining The Mars Volta and The Beatles, I was originally going to name them the Abbey Road Goliaths, but decided that just sounded stupid), will be the equivalent of my beloved 2007 New York Giants.  The team that against all odds, despite a trying season, managed to defeat the undefeated, 18-0 (now and forever 18-1) New England Patriots.  And what were the 2007 New York football Giants to almost everybody who looked at them?  Underdogs.  Underdogs in the truest sense of the word.  I know that my fellow owners in the league might look at my team and possibly see an easy win.  You want to know what I see?  An underdog. Laugh at this pathetic display of sappiness and maudlin if you will, (takes deep breath to prevent self from getting emotional) but I've always been one to believe that in every underdog...(bites lip as the tears start coming) lies the heart of a true champion (cries football tears of manliness).  I look at my fantasy team and see in them the same spirit that's embodied teams like the '07 and '11 Giants, the '04 Boston Red Sox (I admit that grudgingly), the New York Jets in Super Bowl III, and all the other underdogs you can add to that list.  We may not win as much as everyone else, and it certainly won't be pretty, but that doesn't matter.  As the owner, general manager, and head coach of the Cerpin Taxmen, I put forth the notion that this team will not only be a great underdog story, but that they will be the GREATEST UNDERDOG STORY.  And that's all I have to say on that.

Now it's time to call out some of my fellow users competing for fantasy glory.


TOGNick, owner of the Bourbon St Skankzillaz, a well respected member of GIO.  He lost all respect I ever had for him when he stole the defense I was going to draft.  Now I look forward to kicking this old fart's a** in the season opener.  I ask you this, amigo: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO SON, WHEN I RUIN YOUR FUN IN WEEK ONE?  I'll be waiting for your answer, pal.

Chris MrkVicka

The commissioner of the Game Informer Online 2014 Fantasy Football League, and another well respected member of the community.  He seems like a nice guy, BUT THAT MEANS NOTHING IN THE WORLD OF COMPETITIVE SPORT!!!  This chump, for reasons I'll leave him to explain, was late for his own draft.  THE COMMISSIONER OF THE LEAGUE, LATE FOR THE DRAFT.  Makes me question the seriousness of this league.  I still respect you buddy, but answer me this: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, WHEN THE TAXMEN COME TO COLLECT FROM YOU IN WEEK TWO?  Probably run and hide, if I had to guess.


I already laid the smackdown on Checkpoint when I started some pre-draft crap talk a few days ago.  But just to reiterate: I WILL BE FILLED WITH GLEE, WHEN I SEE YOUR TEAM FLEE FROM MY TAXMEN IN WEEK THREE!!!  The Taxmen will collect any ounce of pride you have in your team, indeed.

Saturday Morning Replay

The guy who named himself after one of the best features on the site, and probably one of the nicest people on here to boot.  Saturday Morning Replay is the owner of the Blue Stingers in the fantasy league.  Much as I hate to tarnish a good Super Replay, I like to refer to his team as the BOO STINKERS, or the POO FLINGERS, or the DOO RINGERS, or the GOO DRINKERS (?)....Okay, so I ran out of steam on those last two, but regardless, let me make this clear to you my friend: YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN A QUITE A FIX, WHEN I EVADE YOUR TRICKS IN WEEK SIX!!  See you on the field, Replay.


Like with Checkpoint, I've already minced words with thegodofwine.  I dissed his horrid taste in his namesake.  But hey, it always helps to reiterate a point: YOUR TASTE IN WINE IS TERRIBLE, AND YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION SMELLS OF STALE CAT'S URINE.  Trust me, vengeance for my slight shall not be had, as my victory is assured.  I might've said that our match in week nine was going to be divine a fews day ago, but now I say this: VICTORY WILL ALREADY BE ASSUREDLY MINE, AS I DESTROY YOUR WINE, IN WEEK NINE!!  Don't cry too hard now.

Now that I've taken care of that, I present to you what will be the soundtrack to my season: a delightful mix of eighties cheese, combined with video game and anime music.  Enjoy!

Team Song: "Something So Strong" by Jim Capaldi

This song from the 1989 martial arts film Best of the Best (which I've never watched), is perfect for my team.  You want to know why?  Because the heart of an underdog and eventual champion is just SOMETHING SO STRONG!

Training Song: "Push It To The Limit" by Paul Engemann

With the fierce competition my team will be facing, you can damn well guarantee I'll be pushing them to the limit, montage style!

Victory Song: "Victory-A Gift of Spring" by Yasunori Mitsuda from Chrono Cross

You would think I would have chosen another cheesy eighties song to put here, and I almost did.  In the end though, I thought this song perfectly represented the glory and relief of a victory.

Loss Song: "Bink's Sake (Violin version)" from One Piece (warning: OP spoilers)

I imagine the pain I'll feel at losing a game, will be akin to the pain that (spoilers) Monkey D. Luffy felt when his crew was soundly defeated at Soabody Archipelago (on a serious note, you should definitely read One Piece).  I couldn't think of a better song to show that pain.

Post-Loss Inspiration Song: "No Easy Way Out" by Robert Tepper

But you know what?  I'll realize that there's no easy way out of a loss, and I'll do everything I can to come back from one.

Down Time theme
: "Do-Shin" from Oh! Edo Rocket

Because every team needs a chill out theme.

Weekly Planning theme
: "The Magnificent Eleven" by Sam Spence

Decided to go old school NFL Films when I set my lineups and whatnot. 

Pre-Game Hype Up Song 1
: "Million Way of Drum" from Samurai Champloo

Something about this song always gets me hyped up.  I imagine if I ever actually played football (serious note: always wanted to, never gave it a shot), I'd use this song to get me in game mode.  Being that I'm not a football player, I'll use it for my fantasy football team.

Pre-Game Hype Up Song 2
: "Facing Three Admirals" from One Piece

On top of being an awesome manga and anime, One Piece also has some music that can get you ready to defend your nakama (means friend, if I'm not wrong) to the death.  My team are my nakama, and I'M READY TO FIGHT FOR THEM!

Pre-Game Hype Up Song 3: "Choose Your Destiny" by David Robidoux

You know, this fantasy league knows, and I know that I'm destined to win the championship.  Why? Because I choose my destiny that's why!

INTENSE MATCHUP theme 1: "Anti-Spiral Theme" from Gurren Lagann

This may sound like a horrifically ugly song to people who haven't watched Gurren Lagann, but in my mind it's a song that embodies struggle against a strong force.  I know some of my matches are going to be tough, and I'm prepared musically for that.  I'll make sure to yell "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?", at the turning point of a game.

: "One Who Gets In Our Way" by Ace+, Yoko Shimomura, Yasunori Mitsuda, and Minami Kiyota from Xenoblade Chronicles

Quite simply a song to my fellow owners who are currently between me and the championship.  I look at them as simply one who gets in my way.

Championship Game/Winning The Championship theme
: "Tryouts"  from Rudy

What better song for an underdog team to have, than the best song from a movie about an underdog?  I'll go all in when this plays and inevitably win the championship, too.

Credits theme
: "I'm The Greatest" by Ringo Starr

I believe the song name will say everything you need to know when I've won it all.

So it begins my fellow fantasy footballers.  I'll see you chumps on the field.  Try not take your beatdowns in this season of the Taxmen too hard.

-And back to serious me-

In all reality, even though I can get quite competitive at times, I'm just in this for the fun of it.  I actually had quite a good time talking to some of my fellow GIOers this past Sunday during the draft, and I wish them the best of luck when the season starts.  Win or lose, I'm just going to try to enjoy myself.

Hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much I liked writing it.  Take care and thanks for reading!