Apozem Blog

Saints Row Crossed The Line And Got Weird

2013-01-07T03:04:00Z

Like many other gamers, I recently picked up Saints Row: The Third for PC in the THQ Humble Bundle. THQ put a bunch of great PC games on a pay-what-you-want sale with the proceeds going to them and charity. I couldn't resist getting Saints Row and Metro 2033 cheaply.

So far, Saints Row: The Third has been immensely amusing. The game provides great over-the-top action. Where Grand Theft Auto IV was serious and gritty and realistic, Saints Row is silly and bombastic and absurd. It's like if Michael Bay had a sense of humor. One scene at a BDSM club left me in tears of laughter.

However... Saints Row: The Third started to get creepy. Not just weird, but downright unnerving. And not in a good way like in Dead Space.

The weirdness started when I picked up a new homie for my crew named Zimos. He's a pimp who uses an autotune synthesizer for a voice. So far, so funny, right?

Then you go on a mission with Zimos to intercept a shipment of prostitutes being shipped to a rival gang, the Morningstar. Stealing these hookers robs the Syndicate of income and (more importantly) gives you the chance to blow up helicopters on a boat. So far, so fun, right?

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Skip to about 2.38 for the start of the mission. WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE, NOT SAFE FOR WORK

The creepy part was when I went around the boat freeing the hookers. My character would tell the ladies to go to Zimos, who took care of them while I killed bad guys. As my character sent him newly freed prostitutes, I could hear him talking to them. He would say he'd take care of them and make unsubtle requests to sleep with them. He also referred to the prostitutes by unflattering terms which are unpublishable on Game Informer Online.

That mission crossed the line for me. Blowing up cars and stuff was fine. I enjoyed shooting bad guys and destroying buildings. Even the BDSM club was funny. But the mission with the hookers got uncomfortable. Your character was rescuing those girls so he could send them right back into prostitution... just with a new owner. Zimos stopped looking funny and started looking like a lecherous weirdo.

I know this sounds silly. Saints Row is a parody. It's not serious. The hookers aren't real. The Saints are criminals, not saints. It wouldn't fit with the story if the Saints released the girls. It was necessary to provide some income for Zimos. There are plenty of reasons why that mission was written the way it was.

And yet...

Despite all that, it was just enough to make me feel uncomfortable in a way that few other games do. Zimos is meant to be humorous. He's got an autotune synthesizer for a voice. That's as silly as it gets. But all I can hear is his voice telling the "rescued" hookers that he'd like to spend some quality time with them later.

It was weird.

Most video games don't disgust me. At this point, violence is normal. Chainsawing a dude in half in Gears of War is a regular Tuesday. Swearing is no big deal. I hear worse on South Park. Even balloon-breasted Barbie-doll female characters in gaming fail to elicit anything other than annoyance at the lazy writing and misogyny.

The Saints Row incident was unique because it wasn't OK. It made me wonder: What makes you uncomfortable in a game? What crosses the line from crude to offensive? Swearing? Violence? Sexualization? How much is too much?

It's a serious question that developers need to consider as games mature. Not everyone is okay with the same level of questionable content. Saints Row showed me exactly where my personal boundaries lie. Parody or not, the game crossed the line into lechery. That's not OK.

So what about you? What makes you uncomfortable? I'm curious to know if I'm the only one who feels this way.

The Most Godawful Piece of Trash I've Ever Written

2012-12-28T02:28:00Z

I'm proud of my writing. Some of it sucks, but most of it is acceptable. Still working on getting it to "good." That's another story. However, even the laziest blog written on my worst day does not compare to the story I'm about to republish for you. Seriously, the aforementioned short story is one of the most atrocious pieces of writing I've ever made. It's hilariously terrible.

A bit of backstory:

One of my friends is an editor for a small-time literary magazine. They publish reader-submitted short stories. The problem is that they don't get enough submissions. As soon as I heard that, I immediately challenged my roommate Abraham to a contest. We would each write the worst short story we could. We would then submit it to the literary magazine. The winner was the person who got the worst story published in the magazine.

The stories had to follow two additional rules. Each story had to feature the other writer as the protagonist. The main character of my story was my roommate, and his main character was me. Both stories also had to feature a mutual friend, Kevin. This is why he is a predominant part of my plot.

Picture unrelated.

Our stories were very, very bad. He wrote about a romance about a lonely clown (named after me) who finds love. Have you ever read a clown romance where one of the characters speaks in nothing but puns? No? There's a reason for that. They make terrible stories.

I wrote a space opera starring Abe as a voluptuous Amazonian warrior princess named "Baberaham." If that doesn't make you cringe, the rest of the story will.

My story "Baberaham's Battles IV: The Next Baberation" has been reproduced here for your reading pleasure. It's on the next page. Just click that "2" link at the bottom of this blog. Here's a teaser for what's ahead:

It is said that only few men have the courage to do what is right, even when the Darkness approaches. It's a good thing then that Baberaham Schnake wasn't a man!

"Forward into battle!" Baberaham (Babe for short) shouted. "Tonight we will feast on ramen dipped in the blood of our foes!"

Her troops gave a roar and charged forward. The air was thick and squishy with lasers and shouting. The Galactic Federation of Unified Resistance Forces For Freedom and Justice soldiers were armed only with slingshots and crossbows. Their enemies, the Dark Evil Empire of Tyranny (the Darkness for short), were armed with high-tech laser cannons. In any other battle, the GFOURFFFAJ troops would have been annihilated...

...any battle, that is, without Baberaham Schnake!

Read on, if you dare.

3 Things Valve Should Fix For The Steam Box

2012-12-20T20:53:00Z

You're killing me, Valve. You guys have terrible timing. I write up a post about the tantalizing possibility of an official Valve-branded console for the living room and you steal my thunder with a confirmation that it's happening. Way to make me toss a well-written blog post down the drain.

Complaining aside, the timing is humorous. I had just finished a final edit on a post speculating about a Steam Box when Valve announced that day they were making a console. I guess it's fate. Maybe I should write up a blog post speculating about Half-Life 3.

The Steam Box is official, and it's coming to living rooms everywhere soon. Color me excited. The new Big Picture mode is perfect for large televisions and people who prefer their games with a controller. I can't wait to see what Valve makes.

However, there are a few nagging issues. If Valve really wants to see widespread acceptance of the Steam Box, they need to work on a few things.

Controller Compatibility

As of now, gamepad support varies widely on Steam. Some games feature support for controllers of all types. Others like Batman: Arkham City support only wired Xbox 360 controllers. A large majority of Steam titles don't accept anything except mouse and keyboard. That's to be expected for games like Civilization, but it gets real tedious for action-shooters like Mass Effect.

Valve needs some kind of motivating force to push developers toward adding gamepad support, and not just for Xbox controllers. How cool would it be to have one person play with a PS3 controller and another with mouse and keyboard?

One fix I've found for PC games that ignore the controller is to use third-party software like Xpadder. It assigns key presses to buttons on the controller, essentially allowing you to play any game with a controller. It's not perfect, but Xpadder makes the PC port of Mass Effect much more tolerable. Some first-party version of Xpadder built into Steam would go a long way toward easing the transition toward gamepads.

Technical Trouble

As great as PC gaming is, it can be a real pain when you run into technical issues. It says a lot that there's an entire website dedicated to collecting errors in PC games and how to fix them. Anyone who has tried to whip the PC port of Borderlands into shape knows how much of a struggle it can be to fix the glitches.

Console players are not accustomed to this kind of thing. They (correctly) expect every game to run without issue. You don't want to force customers to troubleshoot their own game. That's just bad.

Mouse Mayhem

Picture this. A kid hears a lot about the new Steam Box. He buys one, sits down, and downloads Call of Duty. He starts his first multiplayer match. Dead. Respawns. Dead. Respawns again. Dead.

The problem is mouse-and-keyboard aiming is more accurate than a controller. Even with some generous aim assist, controllers simply aren't as accurate. This gives a competitive advantage to the PC players. What's the kid supposed to do? Learn how to play with mouse and keyboard? Give up?

Even with these issues, I can't wait to see the Steam Box. Whatever Valve comes up with, it'll be cool. Hopefully it will take a slice of Microsoft and Sony's market. Steam is flat-out awesome. It's cool to see more people getting to play it.

What do you think? What do you want to see out of a Steam console? Would you prefer a mouse and keyboard or a controller?

What I Want From A Mass Effect Prequel

2012-12-10T03:42:00Z

The Mass Effect trilogy is done. The story of Commander Shepard has been told. The Reapers came, fought, and (spoilers) were repelled. That story, although awesome, is over. There's nothing more to be said.

However, the engines of profit and franchising churn ever-onward. Another Mass Effect game is already on the way. BioWare higher-up Casey Hudson tweeted recently that the developer considering making a prequel to the series. This is not certain, as he also tweeted at fans asking for ideas. It appears BioWare is still in the conceptual stages of development.

Mr. Hudson, in the flesh.

I'm not worried about another game. BioWare has proved itself more than trustworthy with storytelling and Mass Effect. Poor ending aside, the trilogy was strong. Whatever those Canadians come up with, it'll be good. I have faith in them.

But what will the new game be about? Will it be a prequel? Will it be like the other games? Accurate conjecture about the game is nigh impossible, but I'll take a shot at it anyway.

First, the game will almost certainly be a prequel. The trouble with the choose-your-own storyline of the main trilogy is that it creates too much variation. Where is a new game supposed to begin? The endings are different enough to make writing a sequel difficult. The end of the trilogy also upsets a great deal of traditional fixtures in the Mass Effect universe. Placing a new game farther back on the timeline allows BioWare to include races and technology which may have been wiped out in the final battle. It's just easier.

The galaxy wouldn't be the same without the Krogan.

The topic could be the First Contact War which took place when humanity first met alien races. This would give BioWare a large canvas of warfare against which it could paint an action-filled adventure. However, I think it is more likely that the developers will eschew previous fiction and set the game in an entirely new event. The fiction of Mass Effect is complex but still in its infancy compared to Star Wars and Star Trek. There is a great deal of room for growth.

Gameplay is unlikely to change radically. BioWare did a hell of a job with the gameplay in Mass Effect 3, which was similar to that of ME2. They like to stick with what works. ME3 worked. There's no reason to change away from fun action-shooter gameplay.

Choice will likely be a part of the game, but not be to the same extent as it before. I doubt we'll see another trilogy of games with transferrable data. More likely, future Mass Effect games will exist separately with their own choices.

One certainty is that Commander Shepard will not return. The moldable protagonist of the main trilogy was intricately linked to the story of the Reapers. That story is over. BioWare has stated that although the universe will continue, Shepard will not. As awesome as he is, it's for the better. To bring him back would dilute the story of the original trilogy.

The most important factor in the development of the new Mass Effect game is also the hardest to predict. BioWare suffered a vicious backlash after the release of ME3 for its poor ending. The developers haven't forgotten this. The ending and its controversies will hang like a sword over everything they do in development. Perhaps it will force them toward more conventional endings. Maybe it'll inspire them to write an even-stronger story. It's difficult to say.

Ultimately, this is all conjecture. I have no idea what the next Mass Effect game will be like. Hopefully it'll be good. Either way, I can't wait to play it.

What do you think? What will the new Mass Effect game be like? Do you want a prequel or an entirely new story? Should Shepard come back?

Don't Get Trapped In The Bubble

2012-12-05T04:33:00Z

I realize this is a gaming site and the overwhelming majority of topics center on that, but occasionally it's good to look at the outside world. There's a lot going on there that needs our attention.

Politics is one of my pet causes. I do not aim to force you into a certain party or ideology, only that you are aware of what's happening in our country. The actions of our politicians filter down and affect us in every possible way, whether we want them to or not. The least we can do is be prepared.

The best way to be prepared for the consequences of politics is to know what consequences to prepare for. It's simple logic. Following political news is an absolutely critical step in being informed. If you're informed, you can be ready for whatever good/bad stuff the politicians throw at us.

Editor's Note: In the spirit of fairness, I have decided to add politically offensive images to this blog. Apologies if there are more anti-conservative pictures. It's surprisingly hard to find good images making fun of liberals.

(image credit)

However, a lot of people go about finding news in the wrong way. They screw it up, plain and simple. It's appalling just how many people don't even realize that they are consuming news incorrectly. If you want to be informed, you have to always remember this principle:

Never completely trust any source of news.

That sounds harsh. It is.

It's also true. Every newspaper, every magazine, every website, and every single television station that covers the news has some degree of bias. That's just the way it is. The news is reported by people, and people are imperfect. Therefore, the news is imperfect. As much as journalists try to filter their own biases, sometimes they slip through. It happens often. Sometimes it's subtle, other times it's as blatant as calling the other party the living reincarnation of evil.

Pictured above: Subtlety.

It's important to remember that no source of news is immune to bias. Not CNN, not Fox News, not The Daily Show, not Alternet, not RedState, no one. The Associated Press is the closest thing to unbiased news we have, and even it isn't perfect. If there is a perfectly balanced news source, I have not seen it.

The scary part is that a great deal of people don't seem to realize that they listen to and watch biased news. People only ever notice bias against their political beliefs. When it confirms their previously held ideas, it's balanced. This is called confirmation bias. It's a phenomenon in which you look for ideas which support your beliefs and ignore anything which contradicts them. It happens to everyone, myself included.

This brings us to a point in which you may need a little background of the history of the news. In the past, newspapers tried to report the news in an unbiased manner so as to attract readers of all political affiliations. Democrats' money is just as good as Republicans', and a news organization is a business. Everything they do is not geared toward serving the public good. It's toward making money. Remember that.

However, the last few years have brought back a different sort of news source: the partisan paper. Instead of trying to attract the largest possible audience, a lot of news sources have instead tried to attract specific political groups. News on the internet is especially guilty of this. RedState has a conservative slant. The Daily Kos is liberal. Reason writes for libertarians.

Think of it in terms of video games. CNN tries to appeal to everyone. It's like Call of Duty. Websites like The Daily Kos only aim for a specific group. They're like niche Japanese RPGs. They don't need to please everyone, just their target audience.

So what's the problem? If some people want to get their news with from others who share their point of view, what's wrong with that?

Nothing, if you remember that the news you're reading is biased.

A chart supposedly demonstrating MSNBC's on-air references to both parties. Source.

The problem comes when that's the only news you ever read. Imagine that you're liberal. You vote Democratic, like Obama, and are for gay marriage. As a liberal person, you tend to seek out news that favors liberal points of view. You start reading The Daily Kos and Alternet, two strongly liberal websites. You listen to NPR in the car, an occasionally liberal radio station.

After a while, all you hear is news from a liberal point of view. After a while, all you hear is that conservatives are evil simpletons who hate women and poor people. After a while, you start believing that. It has to be true because every news source you listen to says so. You become trapped in a bubble of ideas that support your own beliefs confirm what you already think. It's a vicious cycle powered by confirmation bias.

For the record, the opposite is true with conservatism. It's just as easy to get trapped in a never-ending circle between RedState, Fox News, and The Blaze. I hate this phrase with a passion because it is a cliché, but both sides are guilty of the confirmation-bias cycle. Just look at that nifty chart below.

A chart supposedly demonstrating Fox New's on-air references to both parties. Source.

That's the danger of following the news. It is so, so easy to lose track of what's biased and what's not and to just write off the other side as crazy. In order to stay informed, you have to fight that urge and avoid being trapped in a bubble of bad news. Stopping misinformation is as easy as reading news that favors other points of view. You don't have to agree with them, just to understand what they think and why.

Reading biased news sources is OK. If it wasn't, we wouldn't have anything to read. The important part is to always keep in mind that everyone has an agenda. You have to put news within the proper context. For example, look at The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times. They're two superb newspapers which are exemplars of professionalism and quality news... so long as you understand that the Times tends to be liberal and the Journal conservative. They're both great newspapers, but each one has its own slant.

I had trouble finding "conservative" pictures, but this one more than made up for it.

If you're still with me, thanks. I know this went on longer than expected and got preachy. I'm sorry. It's an important topic to me. I fear misinformed voters far more than informed people who believe different things than I do. Really, as long as you stick to the principle of not trusting any news completely, you'll be fine. I really mean that. Everyone is biased. Even me. Especially me.

What do you think? Do you follow the news? If so, which news organizations do you prefer? Why? Bonus points if you can guess my political views.

The Very Best Games of 2012 (Or Close Enough)

2012-12-03T06:46:00Z

Normally I write up a "Best of" post for the cream of the year's gaming crop. However, I only bought three new releases this year. Everything else was secondhand, on sale, or old. It wouldn't be honest for me to pretend I know which games are the best this year. I didn't play them.

Instead, here is a list of the five best games I played this year. It's got a good mix of new content and stuff that some of you played a long time ago. This list is in no way comprehensive or authoritative. It's just a couple great games. There's also a nod to the best of television and film at the end. I'm no film critic, so take it with a grain of salt. Or don't. Either way works.

Anyway, here are the best games I played this year.

I was initially planning to skip Dishonored. A questionable new franchise and early reports of short campaign length made it sound like a poor purchase. Then I saw it in action. Dishonored is a superbly designed game that allows for a stunning amount of play styles. Whether you're on a Liam Neeson-type killing spree or as stealthy as a ghost, there are so many ways to accomplish your goal that the game requires at least three playthroughs to see everything. Any game that makes you feel this much like a master assassin deserves some accolades.

I've never played Rayman before this, but after this game you can consider me a fan. Rayman Origins is an honest-to-God triple-A platformer that doesn't have the word "Mario" in the title, something we rarely enjoy. Throw in gorgeous graphics, a catchy soundtrack and stellar co-op and you've got a great reason to grab a friend for some gaming.

Oh, Civ V... how you lure me back to your sweet nurturing bosom with the siren song of world domination time and time again. Only you understand how to balance complexity and understandability. Only you make the logistics of an empire fun. Only you know how to make a game quite this addictive. Stop it, you. You've already convinced me to play again.

The Witcher 2 is a difficult game to discuss because it's hard not to fall into a slush of superlatives. Phrases like "amazing combat system," "wildly branching story," and "best RPG in years" get thrown around and then the person listening thinks you're exaggerating. Let's avoid those phrases and just say The Witcher 2 is a very good game. Now that it's out for Xbox and PC, there's no excuse to miss it.

Team Fortress isn't like other shooters. Where Call of Duty and Medal of Honor are busy being "gritty," TF2 takes pride in its own silliness. Want to kill people while wearing goggles that paint the world in rainbows and flowers? No problem. Want to stab somebody whilst sporting a snazzy top hat? Step right up. Even better, it's free to play. There's really no reason not to play Team Fortress. Unless you hate fun. In that case, I can't help you.

Mass Effect 3 was reviled for its ending. This was correct. The ending was terrible. But even a bad finale couldn't bring down the other twenty hours of polished gameplay and amazing storytelling. BioWare knocked my socks off with the story of Shepard's final struggle against the Reapers. Everything is on the line, and the game never lets you forget that.

What makes Mass Effect 3 even better is that BioWare took the few errors from ME2 and fixed them. Unencumbered weapon choice, better teammate AI, and improved customization make the third entry the best in the series, gameplay-wise. Add that to the kickass new multiplayer mode and you have one hell of a trilogy-ender. Mass Effect 3 is by far the best game of 2012. Even with that ending.

I must have looked like an idiot watching the first episode of The Legend of Korra, sitting there with a great big stupid grin on my face. I couldn't help it. Seeing the anticipated follow-up to Avatar: The Last Airbender was just too awesome. Korra does almost everything right: It reboots the franchise in a steampunk future with a new Avatar, new supporting cast, and new villain. The compressed storyline makes every episode count and gives Korra a focus Airbender lacked. It's the single best television show I've seen this year, by the standards of kids and adults.

Yes, this is better than The Dark Knight Rises. Ridley Scott's quasi-prequel to Alien is weird, creepy, and horrific. In other words, exactly what we want from a sci-fi horror flick. Exploring distant planets and researching the strange Engineers creates interesting scenarios. Unfortunately, these scenarios usually end in a gory fashion. One particular scene in the medical pod left an unforgettable impression. For great visuals, a decent cast and strong fiction, Prometheus beats out Christopher Nolan.

So, what did I forget? What were your favorite games this year?

A True American Tale

2012-11-30T03:01:00Z

About a year ago, I finished playing the main campaign of Grand Theft Auto IV. It's one of my favorite games. The open world, satirical culture, and action-filled gameplay make a great experience. In honor of that singular experience, I have extensively edited and rewritten my original review of the game to make it more readable. Tell me what you think.

Grand Theft Auto IV

Concept A sardonic immigrant tale about crime	Graphics Muddy and poor	Sound Stellar voice acting, great radio stations
Controls Decent, although the running mechanic is annoying	Technical Terrible. This is the worst PC port in years	Replay Value High. There's a main campaign, side jobs, and television.

Overall Score

9.5

In gaming, few series command the same level of respect as Grand Theft Auto. Rockstar's flagship franchise has been innovating and setting the industry high-water mark for years. The latest entry continues that tradition with style.

GTA IV is set in Liberty City, a massive urban center that sprawls across miles of virtual roads and buildings. Although not as geographically large as previous games, IV's world is diverse and well-done. The scale is amazing considering the amount of detail. Pedestrians have vulgar phone calls, drivers get in accidents and shout at each other, and ambulances come for injured people (usually victims of my poor driving). Bump into people and they'll yell profanities at you. Knock them over enough times and they'll even start a fistfight.

There's an astounding amount of extra content like that. The radio has a dozen unique radio stations. Each plays music from a specific genre while actively ridiculing said genre through satirical fake DJs. The insanity coming from the car speakers is entertaining and terrifying.

Well, it's not fair to call GTA insane. The game is actually an elaborate satire of American life and consumerism. The radio, television, internet, and inhabitants are all in on the joke that is America. Rockstar developers are perceptive comedians, too. Although ironic and humorous, GTA IV finds our country's flaws with uncomfortable accuracy.

Nowhere are these failures more evident than in the people met by the protagonist, Niko Bellic. He arrives in Liberty City expecting a better life. That idea dies. The city's inhabitants are irritating, hypocritical failures. All of them are chasing some form of the American Dream, but none realize that they'll never reach it.

Grand Theft Auto is unabashedly didactic. From the opening to the final moments, Rockstar emphasizes that the American Dream is a lie. Niko comes to America under the expectation that America will be different, that hard work will translate into success and money and women. The crime, government corruption, and general hypocrisy of the city quickly debunk that dream.

Then again, success and riches aren't the sole cause of Niko Bellic's journey to Liberty City. Several forces from his past converge and force him onto a quest for revenge. Sounds cheesy, but Rockstar pulls the story and the character off with gravitas.

Niko's a fascinating character and a good guy. Interesting thing to say about a murderer, but he's the only person in the entire game who is able to acknowledge his true nature. That and his perpetual cynicism constantly set him at odds with the dreamers and idealists of Liberty City. It lends him a sort of dignity the other characters lack.

If only the rest of the story was that good. The game seems content to exist within itself, indifferent to whether the player is emotionally invested in its results. GTA IV tried to create antagonists and friends, but no one felt notable. What's left is a group of mildly irritating caricatures.

That goes for Niko too. He's likeable but not sympathetic. We're supposed to care about events that happened to him off-screen before IV's story, but we don't. We never saw it happen. Thus, choices such as whether to execute a past enemy don't resonate because it means nothing to the player. Choice-centric franchises like Mass Effect work because the player is invested in his/her character and teammates. GTA never inspires that investment, so the decisions feel bland.

Still, I can't really complain about the game too much. There's a lot to enjoy. Grand Theft Auto IV is one of the longest games I've ever played. It took 64 hours to complete 94 story missions. The best part, though? After the credits rolled, I was only 62% done. There are a lot of side jobs.

The content is varied as well. Producing 94 mostly non-repetitive missions is an impressive feat. Some will be put off by the slow start but things quickly snowball in scale and intensity. Struggling through shakedown jobs at the start is worth it when you get to rob a bank.

However, it's the missions that are home to my single greatest frustration with Grand Theft Auto IV. There are approximately zero checkpoints in any mission. Failing for any reason requires a total restart. For multi-part jobs that involve driving across Liberty City, this is agony. Worst of all was the final mission, a massive affair involving a huge shootout, vehicles, and helicopter sequence. I got incredibly frustrated with the lack of checkpoints, especially after restarting because of floaty flight controls.

At least the gunplay is solid. Aiming is done via an odd lock-on system that can be discarded for free aiming. It's a different but enjoyable approach.

Rockstar also omits recharging health and the classic Halo two-weapon loadout. Limited health added weight to every battle and forced me to fight tactically. And of course, being able to carry an arsenal of pistols, knives, baseball bats, shotguns, submachine guns, assault rifles, rocket launchers, grenades, and sniper rifles is just awesome.

The arsenal can be put to good use with some creativity. There are plenty of opportunities to create your own fun in GTA. Dropping a hand grenade into rush hour traffic and using cheats for unlimited rocket launcher ammo never gets old.

Granted, that fun won't last forever. Sooner or later (depending on your body count) you'll get noticed by the cops. That's when the real fun starts. Avoiding the Liberty City PD is a game by itself. Police chases escalate rapidly into massive run-and-gun affairs. The LCPD plays hardball- they bring in SWAT teams, armored vans, assault helicopters, and attack boats. It's fun trying to escape manhunts of the size usually reserved for John Wilkes Booth.

One thing you can't escape, though, is the shoddy technical work. Grand Theft Auto IV is notorious for running poorly even on high-end systems. Driving at high speeds crashes the framerate like the Hindenburg. Considering the amount of time spent in the car, this is incredibly annoying.

However, the things that don't work are microscopically small compared to the gargantuan pile of things that do work. Grand Theft Auto IV is such a success that its minor failures stand out more. It's an amazing game. All of the frustrations melt away when you jump the river on a motorcycle. GTA IV might start slow and occasionally sink into frustration, but stay strong. You owe it to yourself to experience the greatest crime epic in gaming.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play darts with Little Jacob. Can't understand a thing he says, but damned if it doesn't sound cool.

Programming Games Is Really Hard

2012-11-28T03:00:00Z

College can be cool sometimes. There's a lot of work and tests involved, but occasionally you get to take interesting classes. This semester I'm trying my hand at programming by taking an introductory-level course on programming. It's nothing complicated. The stuff we write would have been laughed at in 1975. It's simplistic.

We're learning the basics of Java and object-oriented programming. That probably won't mean anything to people who don't program (in fact, non-programmers can skip this paragraph). Those of you who do know programming or work in IT, you can laugh at me. My programs still run from the command line with String[] args and use simple input/output. A typical assignment in class involves putting together a .jar file with maybe five or six classes that are linked in some way. We don't even use Eclipse... class is taught in jGrasp, an IDE that's geared more towards beginners and students. To date, I think my single longest method was 147 lines. We just finished implementing exception handling for the first time.

The program I use for programming

Non-programmers still with me? Good. The point of the last paragraph was that I am learning how to write code on a small scale. The most complicated game I could create is probably a short text adventure.

Taking this class gives me a hell of a perspective on programming. I spent about three days trying to write, compile, and debug a program that was around 800 lines long. It was difficult and required most of each day. Unreal Engine, the driver for most modern console games, has more than 2 million lines of code in it. And that's just the engine. It doesn't even count all the code the developers write in addition to Unreal for the specific game.

Modern video games are huge.

This might seem like an obvious realization. Sprawling virtual worlds like the Capital Wasteland and the Citadel don't create themselves. Of course large video games would require a lot of programming. However, this is like looking at a mountain from a hundred miles away. You can tell it's large, but you can't really get a sense of its scale without getting up close. Writing simple programs is to me like moving closer to the base of a mountain of code.

Creating virtual stuff takes an amazing amount of work. Consider the simple dialog selection, like in Mass Effect. You have to write code to play an audio file (probably a question from an NPC), display the correct subtitles on the screen, and present the user with a menu of choices. Each choice has to be correctly labeled and perform the appropriate action when selected. The game also has to record the user's choice and add appropriate Paragon/Renegade points.

After writing this theoretical dialog selection, you have to go through the code to find the errors. Programs often contain hidden problems, referred to as "bugs." Debugging can be lengthy and tedious. You have to do every possible action to make sure that everything works... and things rarely work as they should.

That's not all. Simply having a game without glitches is just the beginning. Once the game works, then you have to start worrying about all the things that the players see. Is the game fun? Is it balanced? How's the pacing? Are the mechanics unique? Is the difficulty right? It's like a whole new level of work atop the monumental achievement of creating a working video game.

The worst thing in the world for a developer is to make a mediocre game. Imagine working for a year painstakingly writing line after line of code building a virtual world for the player, debugging that world, making sure that everything works, finally releasing, and then eating middling review scores. That would frustrate the hell out of me. "This isn't mediocre!" I'd shout. "Instead of looking at the broken stuff, look at everything that does work!"

BioWare has to be furious.

So as you play a game this week, take a moment to appreciate the stupendous work that went into creating it. Try to think of all the time and effort that the developer spent building a bit of software that you might complete in a few hours and never play again. If you're feeling up to it, send a thank-you letter to your favorite developer telling them that they did a great job. Developers appreciate their work being appreciated.

It's crazy how much work goes into creating games. We should make every effort to thank developers for building such entertaining creations.

What do you guys think? Do you ever think about how complicated games are? Does anyone work in IT and feel like laughing at my primitive Java programs?

Here's Looking At You, Kid

2012-11-27T03:10:00Z

Hey, everybody. Long time no see.

Consider this a status update of sorts for those of you who haven't found my Facebook (which should hopefully be all of you). I've been quiet lately. This is my best attempt at breaking the silence.

So, what's up?

First of all, I'd like to say proudly that I have a few blogs coming down the tubes. They should be posted within the next few days or so. I've got a good mix of traditional series and new ideas. It's been a while since I wrote last, so there's plenty to talk about.

The next is some good news and some sad news. Good news first. I am extremely proud to report that my lack of activity here at GIO stems mostly from newfound social obligations. I'm making new friends and meeting people at college, and it's fantastic. There are so many fun things to do on campus.

Panoramic shot I took at a game. Click to zoom.

It really cuts into your time spent blogging, though. One weekend, I spent 13 hours straight bouncing from dinner to a local concert with my best friend. The bands were terrible, but I enjoyed hearing live music.

Normally, that's time spent blogging. I'm happy to make the transition because it means spending more time with cool people. It's also a sad moment because I look at time spent blogging here on GIO as time well spent. You guys are and always will be awesome. That's why I can't promise a steady stream of new material from here on out. Between school, work, and friends, it's just not feasible. I'll try to post occasionally, but nothing steady.

It's good to be writing again. Look for some brand-new material this week. I'll be interesting then. I promise.

The Most Terrifying Book I've Ever Read

2012-10-17T02:09:00Z

I like to read, as mentioned previously. You can get some interesting and unique experiences from books. Sometimes, however, I find a book that's too unique. The results can be fascinating and repulsive and horrifying all at once. This happened with the most recent book I read. The book is crazy. Not weird, but frothing-at-the-mouth-with-rabid-satire insane.

I'm talking about American Psycho.

Adequately describing everything about this book that scares me would take a much longer blog than this one. American Psycho is a terrifying fever dream of hedonism, debauchery, and madness. "Messed up" does not even approach the level of adequacy for describing this book.

The story is about a guy named Patrick Bateman. He's an impressive guy. Bateman is a wealthy Wall Street trader, good with the ladies, physically perfect, well-liked and has everything he could ever want. There is literally nothing difficult in his life. Patrick Bateman has it all.

However, he's also wasteful, a slave to consumerism, misogynistic (hates women), vain, without real friends and the worst human being imaginable. His life is empty. He bounces from one meaningless purchase to another. The guy is so caught up in "living the life" that he forgot to make a life worth living.

Does that make sense? Patrick Bateman's life is so good that he has become desensitized to happiness.

Bateman has money and possessions and women, but it means nothing to him. He's constantly bored. His stuff is useless. There is one thing that entertains him, though, one thing that still gives a kick. Killing people. Brutally.

I'll spare you the descriptions of his kills. American Psycho contains violence on a level I never even imagined. Seriously. Dead Space, Gears of War, 100 Bullets, Kill Bill, Sin City... these can't even hold a candle to American Psycho in terms of gore.

The worst part is that Patrick Bateman kills people for the sheer hell of it. It entertains him. Watching others suffer and die in agony is fun. He is so rich and so bored of his life that the only thing that still gives him a buzz is killing.

That's horrifying.

The violence is scary enough by itself, but Patrick Bateman is even more terrifying because he is so plausible. I've felt that same sense of boredom before, the overwhelming urge to do something even when you have possessions. We've all felt it.

Bateman won. He got everything. And yet... it's not enough. He hates his possession but tries to milk happiness from them with an obsessive desperation. Despite having everything, Patrick Bateman is miserable.

That's messed up. Makes you wonder what would happen to us if we got to live as well as Bateman.

American Psycho is a book like no other. The anti-consumerist message is interesting, but many people will be unable to stomach the gore. I cannot emphasize enough how violent this book is. Read it if you dare.

Also, there's apparently an American Psycho movie with Christian Bale. Has anyone here seen it? I haven't. Have you all read the book? If so, what do you think? If not, would you read this?

Reviewing User Reviews

2012-10-09T02:31:00Z

As you may have noticed, I've been blogging less recently. Schoolwork is the biggest problem. Memorizing 900 terms and eight short stories doesn't leave much time for other activities. I also have been focusing more on writing reviews. After almost three years of blogging, I had few to my name. One was an embarrassingly bad glorification of Modern Warfare 2 that reads like my high school freshman literature paper.

Over the past few weeks, I've been posting in the user reviews. Judging games is a fun challenge. It forces you to organize your thoughts about a title and demonstrate its relative value or lack thereof. A review is more focused than a blog post, but similarly enjoyable.

I like doing reviews. What I don't like is the lack of feedback. Very few user reviews ever garner comments. This sucks.

I am literally this sad.

You all give excellent feedback. GIO is full of interesting, smart, intelligent people with interesting, smart, and intelligent opinions. You all have improved my writing greatly.

That's for blogging. Reviews are another matter.

It may be a problem inherent to the form. A good blog post provokes discussion and feedback. With reviews, there is no conversation. It's just one person's opinion about a game. There's no real chance for the reader to respond. What would you say? "No, this game deserves an 8.75 instead of an 8.5!" "I disagree, Bastion's graphics were terrible." To date, the only comments I get on reviews are "Nice review," or something along those lines. Again, not blaming the commenter. It's not their fault. To what are they supposed to respond?

This isn't a demand for more comments on anyone's reviews... more a reflection on why things exist the way they do. People don't interact with user reviewers. That's just how it is. I'm don't interact with them. My comments rarely venture outside blogs. I probably haven't ever given feedback to someone else's review. What is there to say?

For the record, Bastion had great graphics.

Another problem is that user reviews aren't always good (For the record, this criticism applies to myself as well. My reviews are hardly paragons of professionalism). We've all seen reviews like this one. Nothing screams "don't read me" like someone who begins their review with "although i have never played it". That makes user reviews as a whole look bad.

The biggest reason for the abandonment of the section, though, is that user reviews pale in comparison to official GI opinion. Game Informer editors write lively and unbiased reviews of the quality you'd expect from a national magazine. How do you compete with people who get paid to do this for a living?

All these roads lead to the silence that has settled over the user review section. People don't interact over there. It makes reviewing games less enjoyable. Writing without feedback is no fun. Improvement is nigh impossible without another's critical eye. Working without comments feels... discouraging.

So, to counter all those reviews, here's a discussion question for you. Do you write game reviews? If so, why? Do you get much feedback? Along those lines, do you ever read user reviews?

Personally speaking, I write reviews but rarely read them. The official GI review is my go-to source over user reviews. It's a matter of trust, really. I trust Game Informer more than anonymous users on the internet. Not to say that some people don't put out excellent reviews. It's just they don't have the regularity of GI.

How's that for irony? Writing reviews is fun, but reading them isn't. Maybe that's narcissistic. I don't know.

What do you think about user reviews?

5 Programs for PC I Can't Go Without

2012-09-21T03:18:00Z

Since you're reading this post right now, I'll assume that you have access to a computer. Sure, somebody is probably on their phone or tablet, but they're exceptions. Most of you have a PC.

The computer is the topic of today's discussion. Different people use their computer for different things. Some only check Facebook, while others are on it all day for work... It really depends on your identity and job. If you get a position as a web developer, you'll spend a long time working on the computer. If you're a gardener, probably not.

I'm not a web developer, but I do spend a lot of time working at my laptop. There's just a lot to do between schoolwork, blogging, and freelance work. My computer is how I get my work done. With that said, I could not do work very much work without certain programs on my computer. These are a couple services that I use religiously, a few favorites that are the first things downloaded onto a new hard drive.

Google Chrome

You've got to access the internet somehow. Chrome is my favorite way to do that. It's fast, free, and supports nifty extensions like an ad blocker (Side note: you will never see another ad again with Adblock Plus). That's pretty much all you can say about Chrome... it's simple and it works. Sounds like a great web browser to me.

Available on Windows, Mac, Linux, Android, and iOS

Spotify

Everybody likes listening to music. I've always got my headphones in while typing or working at the computer. It's nice to have a soundtrack to drown out the rest of the world and make typing more exciting.

Spotify is like iTunes, except you can listen to all the music in its entirety, not just 30-second previews. Search for a band and you can stream their entire collection, free of charge. The catch is that you have to put up with the occasional advertisement. That, and it's only available in certain countries (like the US).

Available on Windows, Mac, Linux, Android, and iOS

Microsoft Word

Yes, it's an Office program. Yes, it's really expensive. Yes, Google Docs is almost the same thing but free. Ignore that. Microsoft Word is the best word processor I've ever used. It's got all the features you could possibly need. When it comes to setting up margins, columns, resumes, and other printed materials, MS Word rules (get it? Rules? It's a pun that means... oh, never mind).

Obtaining Word can be difficult. It's pricey. There are discounted versions for students. Non-students, consider a certain website that starts with "The" and ends with "Pirate Bay." They've got a free copy.

Available on Windows, Mac

Steam

PC gamers should need no introduction to Steam. It's the best way to get PC games. Valve is all about customer service, and Steam takes that to new levels. If you don't count working to get money, downloading from Steam is actually easier than pirating. The game downloads faster and is guaranteed to work. Those two qualities are occasionally lacking in torrented copies.

Plus, there's support for friends and clans. Steam is an easy way to find co-op partners. Organizing and joining friends' games is simple and effective, like Steam. PC gamers, you should have this already.

Reil's App

This is the only really obscure program on the list, but I use it every day. Laptops without the word "Macbook" in their title usually have terrible touchpad mice.

Thankfully, a guy named Reil created an alternate touchpad driver. It adds two- and three-finger momentum-based scrolling, bounceback, two finger tap, and reversible Mac-style scrolling. My touchpad is actually fun to use with Reil's App and not a festering pile of frustration.

Available on Windows (might not work on non-Envy 14 laptops, haven't tested it yet)

Honorable mention: Thunderbird for email.

That is what I use most. What computer programs are essential to you?

...Just don't say Solitaire.

The Best Case For Games As Art

2012-09-17T19:26:00Z

Apologies for posting this in the blog section. Unfortunately, GI does not have a user review section for Braid. Hence why I posted this as a blog. It's also my first real attempt at a more concise style of writing. Ernest Hemingway is the man. Love to hear some feedback, tell me what you think in the comments.

Anyway, the review.

Braid

Concept An existential journey to find something that may not exist	Graphics Beautiful brushstrokes and lovely colors adorn Tim's world	Sound The classical soundtrack feels artsy
Controls Simple and easy to use	Technical No issues whatsoever	Replayability Limited, although superfans should take a look at the constellation outside the house

Overall Score

8.5

There's an ongoing debate whether games count as art. That discussion is a matter for another day. The definition of art is too complicated for a single game review to properly discuss. However, if there was a single game which could be held up as a shining example of games being art, it would be Braid.

Jonathan Blow's critically acclaimed indie hit is layered with complexity. Braid does not simply entertain, it provokes thought. The game is ostensibly about a man named Tim trying to rescue a princess. This allusion to gaming's golden past breaks down as you progress.

The story (told through text boxes before each world) changes slowly into something different than what I expected. The final level is the pinnacle of this change, forcing you to reconsider everything you thought you knew.

Braid's true genius lies in its postmodern deconstruction of the traditional idea of a video game. It takes the traditional story in gaming and presents it in a radically different way. There are many impressive parts to Braid, but the story stands as the strongest. Puzzling out gems of meaning from cryptic messages is enjoyable.

The gameplay of Braid is enjoyable as well. It is a 2D platformer that takes a few obvious cues from Super Mario. The game is divided into worlds, which are divided into levels. Each world ends at a castle. Every castle has a creature who tells you, "The princess is in another castle."

...or something along those lines.

Other than those minor homages, Braid breaks new ground. Tim is gifted with the ability to rewind time. This makes death a minor obstacle rather than a level-ender. Falling on a pit of spikes means a quick rewind, no restarts necessary.

You would be excused for thinking Braid is easy. Without death, how can the game be challenging? The difficulty comes as puzzle pieces. Each piece requires solving a unique puzzle. You can complete Braid only after finishing all of them.

The puzzles are impressive. Each one feels unique. Mechanics are never repeated, but they are expanded. Solving each one requires a good bit of thinking and ingenuity. I admit that I could not collect the last few pieces without the help of a walkthrough. The puzzles are certainly challenging. Thankfully, the level setup allows you to bypass head-scratchers and come back to them later.

Solving Braid's challenges never feels too frustrating. The gorgeous art and soothing music creates a calm atmosphere. Like Bastion, Braid's art eschews realism in favor of in bright colors and aesthetic beauty.

As an artistic experience, Braid is an unquestioned success. However, the game falls short within its medium: gaming. Braid is not an especially fun game. The puzzles are excellent and the platforming is acceptable, but this game is unexciting. No one would pick Braid for a fun Friday night gaming session with friends.

All the same, Braid is worth playing. The story is fascinating. The puzzles are complex. The art and music are appealing. All of that adds up to make one of the most uniquely compelling experiences in gaming. If you do or have ever believed in games as art, Braid is something you need to experience.

Now, where did that princess go? She was just here...

Should Games Be Serious?

2012-09-10T00:38:00Z

I hate blog openings. There's no real easy way to start a blog. You want to catch the reader's interest (usually with a personal anecdote of some kind) without talking too long about how your dog relates to Skyrim.

So, today I think I'll pass on the opening and skip to the content part. I recently finished playing Grand Theft Auto IV: Episodes From Liberty City. It's a two-pack of DLC content, both of which are pretty awesome. I loved being able to spend more time in Liberty City.

This blog isn't about the relative merits of Episodes From Liberty City. I already reviewed Lost and Ballad separately. If you're curious about my opinion on those games, check those out. They're interesting reviews, I promise. I may do a separate blog about them later.

No, this blog is about something I noticed while playing The Ballad of Gay Tony. You'll need some background on Grand Theft Auto to understand why this bothered me so much.

The main campaign in GTA IV is fairly realistic. Niko has limited health. He fights with pistols and small machine guns. Body armor doesn't regenerate. The idea is to make you feel like a real person, not an invincible super-criminal.

For the most part, this approach to gaming works. The idea behind the realism in the gameplay is that it feeds into a gritty story that tries to teach a profoundly serious lesson about the nature of America. Grand Theft Auto IV is carefully constructed to force you to consider America's flaws and hypocrisies. Everything reveals a deeper meaning.

That's the tone of the main game. The second DLC pack (Ballad) is different because it's a lot less serious. There's no deep underlying theme (except maybe to not borrow money from Russian gangsters). There's no profound message in The Ballad of Gay Tony. It's just two guys trying to survive in Liberty City and sell some stolen diamonds.

Case in point, that's you hijacking a train car.

The lack of gravitas frees up the gameplay to be lighter. If there's no need for realism, then there's no reason to keep around the realistic elements from IV's main campaign. So Rockstar put in a few things that are absurd.

I'm talking specifically about the missions and weapons in The Ballad of Gay Tony. They're awesome. In the main campaign of IV, you don't get to the good weapons until you're forty hours in. In Ballad, you get the silenced P90 (favorite GTA weapon ever) within the first few missions. The rest of the DLC is a trail of destruction left by heavy machine guns, C4, and automatic shotguns.

The new weapons break the sense of realism like a twig. There's nothing realistic about riding atop a train and shooting explosive shotgun rounds at helicopters. However-and this is the crux of what's bothering me-blasting helicopters is fun as hell.

I like the story in Grand Theft Auto IV. I like that it's gritty and realistic. I like that it forces you to use crappy weapons like a pistol because that makes the story seem more plausible. Rockstar did nothing wrong when they designed the main campaign of IV.

At least that's what I tell myself. The truth is that when I play The Ballad of Gay Tony and blow up a yacht with an assault chopper, I have more fun in those two minutes than in the first ten hours of GTA IV's main campaign. Throwing realism to the wind and blowing stuff up is undeniably entertaining.

What does that say about the main game in Grand Theft Auto IV? Does its gritty nature cause it to be less fun? Is the profound story an anchor around the neck of fun?

Think about it. What games have a deeper meaning and are fun? Take Jonathan Blow's critically acclaimed Braid. That's a game neck-deep in complexity, but it's not what you would call fun. Sure, solving the puzzles is enjoyable, but they are not compelling enough to merit gameplay on their own. You play Braid for the message. You don't play it for the gameplay.

At the opposite end of the spectrum you have the Mario series. Super Mario games have little to no story ("Go rescue the princess!"), but they are a lot of fun. Jumping on platforms and scaling crazy levels is a blast. There's a reason that Nintendo has made these games for thirty years.

Part of the fun in story-shallow games like Mario is freedom from thinking. Sometimes it's fun to play something mindless. Don't bother with a deeper story, kick back and shoot some dudes or stomp on some turtles. There doesn't have to be a reason, just entertainment.

This may be too general an assertion, but it seems that meaningfulness and entertainment are two qualities diametrically opposed to each other. You can either have a deeper meaning (GTA IV's main campaign) or mindlessly entertain the player (The Ballad of Gay Tony). I don't see a way to achieve both.

Maybe I'm wrong. What do you think? Can games be meaningful and entertaining at the same time? If so, what games successfully do this?

3 Helpful Tips For Blogging at GIO

2012-08-27T01:56:00Z

One of the things that are unofficial requirements for blogging at GIO is a working knowledge of how the blog editor works. If you can't figure out how to post a blog, it's a bit difficult for people to see it.

Then there's the formatting problem. Good blogs are easy on the eyes. That means no walls of text, but no collages of pictures either. You have to strike a happy medium. This topic has been covered before in a previous guide I did.

So new people, listen up. Experienced users, you too. Even if you know your way around the blog editor, you might not know a couple of these tricks. Here's how to make the blogging process a bit smoother here at GIO.

Don't upload images, use Imgur

I can't provide a link to this, but a while back somebody working for Game Informer mentioned that the number one thing that slows down the site is people uploading images. When you post a picture from your hard drive to GIO, that requires servers for storage, and that slows down the site.

So how do you get images into blogs? Easy. Those of you who use Reddit have probably heard of Imgur. Simply put, Imgur is the best image-hosting site on the internet. Uploading an image there is simple. Select the file, upload it from your computer, copy the direct link, and insert the picture from a web location into your blog.

You can even do the same thing with pictures on the internet (and not on your hard drive). Just right click the image and select "Copy Image Address" or something along those lines. Then use the "Upload from Web" option on Imgur.

Imgur really is the best way to do pictures. It's free, uncomplicated, and reliable. And it will hopefully speed up GIO a little bit.

Edit advanced options for pictures

Once you've inserted a picture from Imgur into your blog, try some formatting. Right click on the picture and select "Insert/edit image." A small box should pop up with all sorts of cool features. You can make the image right, left, and center justified or put some space between the image and the text. That's how I start every blog with a left justified image.

Try the advanced options menu, it's got some cool stuff. Just don't go too crazy with all those weird justifications. Just because you can tile the background with images of Brucie Kibbutz doesn't mean you should.

Advanced blog editor

At the bottom of the blog editing page there is a link that says "Advanced editor." This is the super duper blog editing menu where you can customize all sorts of neat stuff. There are so many options here it's hard to know where to start.

The timed blog post option is pretty neat. You can write up an entire post and set it to automatically publish itself at a certain time. You can block comments on that post or have them published only after your review. Someone spam comment the page? Edit or delete their comment.

By far my favorite option, though, is the ability to change the preview text for a post. Normally when you look at the user blogs page, you see the first few lines of a blog. Put something else in the preview box, though, and it can say whatever you'd like.

A word of warning- again, don't go crazy with the advanced editor tools. Just because you can delete somebody's comment or edit it to make them look silly does not mean that it's a good idea. If you start abusing those powers, don't be surprised when people stop commenting.

That's about it for my tips... What are some of your hidden secrets for posting blogs on GIO?