The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 12
I'm proud of my writing. Some of it sucks, but most of it is
acceptable. Still working on getting it to "good." That's another story.
However, even the laziest blog written on my worst day does not compare to the
story I'm about to republish for you. Seriously, the aforementioned short story
is one of the most atrocious pieces of writing I've ever made. It's hilariously
A bit of backstory:
One of my friends is an editor for a small-time literary
magazine. They publish reader-submitted short stories. The problem is that they
don't get enough submissions. As soon as I heard that, I immediately challenged
my roommate Abraham to a contest. We would each write the worst short story we
could. We would then submit it to the literary magazine. The winner was the
person who got the worst story published in the magazine.
The stories had to follow two additional rules. Each story
had to feature the other writer as the protagonist. The main character of my
story was my roommate, and his main character was me. Both stories also had to
feature a mutual friend, Kevin. This is why he is a predominant part of my
Our stories were very, very
bad. He wrote about a romance about a lonely clown (named after me) who finds
love. Have you ever read a clown romance where one of the characters speaks in
nothing but puns? No? There's a reason for that. They make terrible stories.
I wrote a space opera starring Abe as a voluptuous Amazonian
warrior princess named "Baberaham." If that doesn't make you cringe, the rest
of the story will.
My story "Baberaham's Battles IV: The Next Baberation" has
been reproduced here for your reading pleasure. It's on the next page. Just
click that "2" link at the bottom of this blog. Here's a teaser for what's
It is said that only
few men have the courage to do what is right, even when the Darkness
approaches. It's a good thing then that Baberaham Schnake wasn't a man!
"Forward into battle!"
Baberaham (Babe for short) shouted. "Tonight we will feast on ramen dipped in
the blood of our foes!"
Her troops gave a roar
and charged forward. The air was thick and squishy with lasers and shouting.
The Galactic Federation of Unified Resistance Forces For Freedom and Justice
soldiers were armed only with slingshots and crossbows. Their enemies, the Dark
Evil Empire of Tyranny (the Darkness for short), were armed with high-tech
laser cannons. In any other battle, the GFOURFFFAJ troops would have been
...any battle, that is,
without Baberaham Schnake!
Read on, if you dare.
Dude I don't care what anyone says that is one of those stories that becomes a C grade movie ends up with a cult following and than gets revived twenty years later after some aforementioned cult follower makes it to the big time. Basicly it could be the next Star Trek. Honestly the story itself is pure garbage, but your writing is awesome. Write more I honestly would read it all!
How'd your mutual buddy feel about making out with the babe?
Nicely done man! from the yodel to the epic high five to repeats of descriptors this couldn't have been much more fun to read!
This is... Ummm. I wouldn't say it's... Unless you read it in Judi Dench's voice, it's terrible. Read it with her voice, it's not all THAT bad. But yeah... Good.... Bad... Job!
Lol. "Blood Yellow" is my new favorite thing.
This.Was. Hilarious. That poor, poor, orphanage. I wonder if Sam Raimi went through a similar process with Army of Darkness. *Rubs chin thoughtfully*
Oh that was funny. "She looked like a Muse concert with a sword" lol.