So I just finished playing Tomb Raider and Remember Me back to back, and while I think one game was vastly superior to the other, that's not what this blog is about. You see, each of these games has a tough as nails heroine and I got to thinking how awesome it would be to see these two duke it out to see who is the ultimate mistress of pain. No, not a fight that includes Jello, mud, or oil (and shame on you for taking it there). I'm talking about a fight to the finish in the style of the "Hunger Games." While there's no way to realistically make this fight happen, I figured I could at least let science predict a winner (and by science I mean heavily based on opinion and involving no science at all). I have come up with 10 categories in which I will be conducting a side-by-side comparison to help determine who would win between Laura and Nilin. There are some minor spoilers (and I mean minor) so read at your own risk. Ladies, may the odds ever be in your favor.






Rifle, Pistol, Bow, Shotgun, Climbing Axe

Fisticuffs, Spammer

Laura. I seriously don't think I need to explain this one, but here's something to chew on. Which sounds more intimidating: "I'm going to shoot you in the face with my modified rifle," or "I'm going to shoot you in the face with my Spammer?" Spammers are only scary on the internet, people.

Battle Uniform

Camisole and cargo pants

Knee high hooker boots, tight jeans, and a weird little jacket

Laura. While neither is really dressed for some serious battle, at least Laura's cargo pants offer some storage for extra ammo and supplies. And what's with Nilin's tribute to Michael Jackson with the one white glove?

Most annoying enemy

The spear tree, which is only indigenous to the island of Yamatai


Nilin. While the spear tree is full of nothing but branches shaped like spears and annoying as heck, there isn't much else out there more annoying than Leapers. They have numbers like roaches, and just when you get the hang of taking them down, some new species pops up and brings a whole new level of "fun" with them. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have that goofy dialog that they repeat incessantly.

Hand to hand ability

Counter moves that deal lethal blows to her opponents

Intricate combo system that is sort of customizable

Push. While Nilin's overall fighting ability is much more sophisticated and she's obviously better trained than her opponent, Laura makes up for it with her ability to gently place an arrow in her opponent's neck.

Athletic ability

Scales just about everything to reach her goal


Push. Alright, we get it, you two spend a significant time in the gym and have been involved in some level of gymnastics for quite some time. No one likes a show-off.

Most difficult enemy to dispatch

Hoards of psycho militants

Elite Enforcers

Laura. Elite Enforcers suck because you have to take damage to defeat them, but not one ever threw dynamite at Nilin. Also, what's with the stupid baton? At least Laura's enemies had an impressive arsenal they tried to kill her with.

Best finishing move

Arrow to the neck

Memory Overload

Nilin. The arrow to the neck is impressive as heck, but the fact that Nilin can flood your brain with memories to the point that you die just sounds painful and awful. I can't imagine that would be a great way to die. At least you can explain the arrow to the neck in the afterlife a little easier.

Accompanying musical score

Symphonic music that sets the tone for a gruesome adventure


Laura. Maybe it's that I'm not a big electronica fan, but that's hardly the kind of music for an epic battle. And am I the only one who thinks that strange robotic female voice at the end of the battle says "Elizabeth?" Who the heck is Elizabeth? If that's the music of the future, I'm glad I'll be dead by then.

Ultimate Nemisis

Evil ancient Sun Queen who wants to steal her friend's body and can control the weather

Emo, suicidal AI unit

Laura. Once again, I don't really feel compelled to explain this one, but I'll do so for the sake of not coming off as lazy. First off, when your nemesis guides you throughout your entire journey and even helps keep you alive for the sole purpose of defeating him, you have it pretty easy. I get the feeling that Himiko would not be so gracious to Laura. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the same undead queen that basically shoots down aircraft and destroys watercraft would be anything but helpful to Laura's quest to stop her. Heck, Nilin didn't even know she had to take down H3O until he told her to.

As I suspected, Laura wins and it's not as close as one might have thought. Let's be honest, though, as Nilin is really mostly dangerous if you have one of those Sensen things hovering over the back of your neck. I'm not saying that Nilin is a slouch in a fight (don't kid yourself, you couldn't take her one on one). It's just that Laura has the survival skills, proficiency with weapons, and killer instinct that makes Bear Grylls seem like a pansy. In the end, I could see Laura hunched over Nilin as she eats the heart out of her chest. You know, for the nourishment (and maybe to steal Nilin's powers, Laura believes in some weird stuff). It would be a valiant effort, but in the end, she died twice...she died twice.

Anyone see this fight going differently? I'm always open to other people's opinions (even wrong ones). I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. And thanks for taking the time to do so!