UPDATE: Akimbo Shotguns Are Turning Me Into A Murderer

I rarely speak while gaming. When a match begins, my vocal capabilities shutdown, and I lose myself into the game’s world. This even happens when I'm in a party with friends. I can hear them talking, and I’m processing what they are saying, but if I choose to respond, the connection I have with the game world is lost as soon as I utter my first word. At first, my friends would ask if my headset was muted, or if I had been kicked out of a match, but after a few nights they caught on, and have gone well out of their way to mock me for my inability to multi-task while gaming.

Modern Warfare 2 is curing me of this problem (if you can call it that). Over the last few weeks, I’ve been screaming up a storm into my headset, and last Saturday, I may have set the record for number of times the Lord’s name is taken in vain within a 24 window.

If you’re not familiar with Modern Warfare’s akimbo shotguns (the ability to wield two at once), they are easily (I can’t stress this word enough) the most overpowered weapons I have ever come across in a multiplayer match. You don’t even have to aim with them. If an enemy enters the room, just squeeze both triggers, and they’ll die with one blast.

Last night, my hate for these weapons and the people who wield them took a turn for the worse. Rather than blaming God like I usually do, I decided that I would forego playing the match the way it is intended to be played, and would spend the rest of the match hunting down the skill-less gamer that uses these weapons as crutches. After killing one of these sad individuals, I take their weapons, and spend the rest of the match hunting them down with their own wares.

My bloodlust and murderous intent have made the game fun again. I laugh maniacally whenever I end someone with the weapons they thought would give them an edge. I have transformed from a reliable team player to a vengeful hunter.

Akimbo wielders, I am coming for you. If I see you, I will stab you in the neck, and lick your blood off of my blade, and then I spend the rest of the match murdering your face.

These weapons NEED to be addressed now. I’d like to see Infinity Ward remove dual wielding shotguns altogether, as it makes the game seem more like a far-fetched cartoon than a serious war, but I would settle with them being nerfed.

UPDATE:
Last night, I ran into the exact type of Modern Warfare player I describe in this article. Within seconds of the match starting, I was the recipient of double shotguns to the face. I immediately started screaming into my headset about the coward's identity, and what I was going to do to him. My party of five banded together and went after him like he had a bounty on his head. He must have died 40 times in this match, mostly from his own weapons. After the match concluded, he promptly bolted from the lobby before we could say anything.

This unified manhunt made the game enjoyable again. I can't wait for this team to run into another akimbo spamming player. Game Informer's own Dan Ryckert was one of the teammates in on the killfest. He completed the "Cruelty" challenge, and proceeded to kill the offender two more times before eventually falling to another player. "It's always really rewarding getting a kill of any kind in Modern Warfare 2," says Ryckert. "But there was a specific type of joy that came out of taking a shotgun-spammer down with his own cheap weapons."

THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS! Embrace our cause. When you see those two shotguns on a kill cam replay, call upon your team to focus the entirety of their destructive firepower upon this unsavory character. You'll enjoy the game so much more if you do!