If Grand Theft Auto V and the The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD are any indication, the ability to photograph your virtual self in a video game is the future. It was a welcome surprise to learn that Pokémon X & Y offered this feature. It all falls apart, however, when you realize that despite claiming to be a professional photographer, Phil the Photo Guy has clearly never used a camera in his life and is making no effort to learn.

I asked Phil to take a picture of me in front of this lovely gate, but he chose instead to ignore me and focus on the strange man in the background. He tilted the camera just enough to make it feel unsettling. I tipped him $1000.

When I handed Phil the camera to take my picture here, he scampered off into the flowers, knelt down, and took my picture while I wasn't even paying attention. When I looked up, he had his hand outstretched requesting a tip. I didn't even realize he snapped a photo. I gave him $1000.

I wanted a simple photograph of myself in front of these mysterious stones, but instead I am completely out of focus. That sign looks great, though, which is good because that was the part I wanted to remember. I tipped him $1000.

I was so proud to show off my bike, but Phil couldn't even keep me in frame. It's like everything but me and my bike are in focus. I smiled, masking my disappointment, and gave him $1000.

Yeah, Phil. The most interesting thing about this photograph is the Poké Ball, not the beautiful waterfall. It's not like I have 50 of those things in my bag. I thought about giving him a Poké Ball as passive aggressive retaliation, but I gave him a $1000 tip instead.

I was excited to show off my Dousing Machine, but did that have to be the only thing in focus? There is literally a gigantic, awesome crystal behind me. I tipped him $1000.

These are supposed to be my memories! I'll admit that the Abomasnow is a cool Pokémon, but if I wanted a picture of him, I would have walked up beside him and asked Phil to take a picture of us together. Now I'm just some weird blur in the foreground. I tipped him $1000, smiling with clenched teeth.

I took my jacket off and stood in the freezing cold to take this picture, and he returned to me a photograph of a tree. Thanks idiot. I tipped him $1000, even though I was running low on cash.

This one's actually not so bad. I would have liked to see more of my face, but this is what I've come to expect. I gave Phil $1000.