GIJoe Blog

Update: My 1000 Club – Dragon's Dogma

Joe Juba — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 16:02:00 GMT

Update: I've added Capcom's Dragon's Dogma to the list of Xbox 360 games for which I've gotten all 1000 achievement points!

Original Story: I want to clarify this right away: I’m not an achievement junkie. I don’t get an adrenaline rush from the distinctive bloop that accompanies the “achievement unlocked” message, and I don’t care about my gamerscore. Given those facts, it may seem strange that I have gone to absurd lengths to get every achievement in a small handful of games. These elite titles are the members of my 1000 Club.

Achievements aren’t meaningless for gamers like me. I have been known to obsessively collect knick-knacks, grind levels, and accrue percentage points toward total completion. I may not care about the gamerscore side of the equation, but I’m always looking for fresh goals and objectives that will give me an excuse to spend more time with awesome games. Getting all 1000/1000 points is mainly of symbolic importance; by getting every achievement, you have likely seen almost everything that the game has to offer…or at least the parts of the experience that the developer thought were important.

Doing this with every title I play would just make gaming feel like a chore. The members of my 1000 Club are the standouts that, for various reasons, inspired such obsessive loyalty from me that I was compelled to explore their every nook and cranny. Those things will be different for each gamer, so what makes you decide to induct a game in your 1000 Club?

Dragon's Dogma (Update: 6/3/13)

I played a lot of Dragon's Dogma over this last holiday season, but stalled out for reasons I don't even remember. When Dark Arisen came out, the hype gave me new jolt of enthusiasm and reminded me how much fun I was having, so I bought Dark Arisen and loaded up my old save. I had been playing with the 1000 points in mind from the start, so I had already meticulously been completing every quest (which is necessary for the time-consuming "The Hero" achievement). I was already practically at the end of the game when I stopped playing the first time, so I beat the dragon and spent a ton of time doing post-game stuff. I plowed through the Everfall, got a bunch of loot, and beat Dark Arisen...even though you don't get achievements for it. Then I did the (crazy!) true ending for the game and started up my new game+. None of the achievements are difficult in Dragon's Dogma; by the time I was on my second playthrough, I only had a couple clean-up ones left. If you're willing to invest the time (and have patience for some tedium), Dragon's Dogma is an easy 1000 points. However, I can't stress this enough: You need to get the Eternal Ferrystone (a reward in Dark Arisen for having an original Dragon's Dogma save), because it drastically cuts down on the annoyance of having to hoof it everywhere all the time.
(Dragon's Dogma achievements here)

Devil May Cry (Update: 3/25/13)

To get the full 1000 in DMC, you need to be okay with playing through the whole game six times. There are achievements for playing on Nephilim, Son of Sparda, Dante Must Die, Heaven or Hell, and Hell and Hell difficulty. You have to play each of them because they unlock sequentially; there's no "beat one and the earn the achievements for the lower levels." Plus, there's an achievement for getting all SSS rankings on Nephilim, which means you'll probably have to play through all of those missions again to ace them. During the course of all those playthroughs, you'll almost certainly rack up all the other achievements without a problem. Of course, skill still plays a role, but only a handful of sections pose a challenge. For me, the hardest parts were beating the final boss on Dante Must Die mode and getting SSS on Mission 17. Apart from those roadblocks, persistence generally gets the job done.
(Devil May Cry achievements here)

Lego Lord of the Rings (Update: 2/11/13)

I was worried about this one. I played Lego Lord of the Rings for review, and nearly got to 100% completion. Because I was so close, I decided to keep playing after the review went up to hit the 1000 points. Unfortunately, I hit a bizarre glitch along the way that caused my treasure counter in the Tracking Hobbits level to be reset to zero. Basically, that meant that I wasn't awarded my final mithril brick for that level, which left me permanently one block short of being able to build all of the mithril items. Stuck at 99.2% completion with no way to fix the problem, I put the game down for a while. Yes, I was frustrated, but I had loved the game up to that point, so I was still happy with the time I spent with it. Fast forward to this morning: I asked myself "I wonder if they patched that glitch yet," so I dug out Lego Lord of the Rings and put it in. Sure enough, I get a patch notification, and just minutes later, I polish off the last few achievements. All in all, this was an easy 1000 points; it's less about skill and more about having the patience to collect every doo-dad.
(Lego Lord of the Rings achievements here)

Mass Effect 3 (Update: 4/24/12)

I wasn't sure if I was going to shoot for the full 1000 points in Mass Effect 3, even though I did for series' two installments. The game has a multiplayer-only achievement, which I normally have no interest in. However, I got completely hooked on ME 3's multiplayer mode, so a lot of achievements that would have required tons of single-player came naturally during the course of my online matches. Things like Pyromaniac (set 100 enemies on fire) and Overload Specialist (overload 100 shields) are easy to get with the waves of multiplayer enemies, and the ease of switching classes means that you don't need to do several full playthroughs of the campaign as different characters. As usual, beating the game on Insanity was the most challenging achievement, though I found it far more manageable than it was in Mass Effect 2. The only fight that really gave me trouble was the final duel with Kai Leng. I certainly died in other encounters, but none of them required nearly the number of retries as that one. The relative ease of the Insanity achievement has a lot to do with better design, but also with the weapon that comes with the From Ashes DLC, the particle rifle. It uses a cooldown system (like ME 1) rather than the limited ammunition of ME 2 and 3, so I didn't have to scrounge for thermal clips during the tough fights.
(Mass Effect 3 Achievements here)

Help Kickstart A New "Behind The Mask" Movie!

Joe Juba — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 21:07:00 GMT

I love slasher movies. Last weekend, I got together with friends who also love slasher movies, and our conversation veered toward Behind the Mask, easily one of my favorite films of the last decade. "Why hasn't there been a sequel yet?" we asked ourselves. When I turned to the Internet for an answer, I was delighted to learn that a new entry is in the works right now, but it needs a hefty dose of fan support.

If you're a fan of horror movies and you haven't see Behind the Mask yet, I don't know what to tell you except that you're in for a rare treat. It's one of those movies – like the first Scream – that challenges the conventions of the genre and raises expectations for years to come. Maybe that kind of lightning doesn't strike twice, but if it does, I think these are folks that can make happen.

Here's the Kickstarter page where you can pledge your support to Before the Mask: The Return of Leslie Vernon. I did! The campaign only goes until August 9th, so there's not much time left. The project has been featured on Ain't It Cool News, which certainly helps it get some attention, but a little more never hurts.

To clarify: I don't know the people making this movie, but I really want to watch another Leslie Vernon movie. So, c'mon, help them (and, by extension, me) out!

(Please visit the site to view this media)

I Can't Stop Playing Dungeon Village

Joe Juba — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 19:14:00 GMT

If you've played Kairosoft's previous titles like Game Dev Story or Mega Mall Story, then you know that the studio specializes in addictive simulations. I didn't expect anything less from the latest release, but I underestimated just how awesome Dungeon Village is.

I love role-playing games, and Kairosoft titles certainly have RPG elements. Dungeon Village goes a step further, ditching the modern framework and surrounding the simulation with trappings that will be familiar to any RPG fan. You start with a small fantasy town near a treacherous field, and you build an array of shops to make your town more appealing to adventurers. These adventurers explore dungeons and fight monsters in the nearby field, and then they come back to store and spend their money in your shops. You then use that money to improve your town, build more shops, and entice even more adventures to use your village as their hub of operations.

Your role is to guide the development of the city, but you also have some interactions with the adventurers. You can't control them directly, so they only have their equipment, character class, stats to rely on in battle. However, you can influence all three of those factors.

By giving adventurers weapons and armor, you can optimize their stats. You can hold village-wide events to boost their maximum HP and other abilities. Lastly, you can change their classes (ideally after they've already mastered another class) to learn new skills and take advantage of static bonuses. Giving gifts also has the pleasant side effect of making the hero like you (and the town) more, so they work harder and eventually ask you to build them a house so they stick around permanently.

Dungeon Village has the same upbeat charm as the studio's other games. The visuals are great in a retro kind of way, and many of the adventurers have names that are plays on recognizable heroes (Like "Gilly Gamesh" and "Seffy Roth"). The lines of dialogue, though sparse, also have plenty of character – like monsters politely introducing themselves before they try to kill all of your adventurers.

Unlike many popular mobile games, Dungeon Village doesn't support itself with microtransactions. Do you need a cash boost to keep your city running? Then earn it or learn how to play better – you won't even find an option to pay real money for in-game goods in Dungeon Village. You just pay your $3.99 to download it and that's where your investment ends. Well, your financial investment, at least. Time investment is a different story. I've put in at least 10 hours in the last week, and I can't wait to beat the game so I can start all over.

Dungeon Village is available on Android and iOS.

Three Reasons Why I Recommend the FF XIII-2 Strategy Guide

Joe Juba — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:42:00 GMT

A strategy guide isn't always worth buying. Sometimes the game doesn't warrant an in-depth dissection, and sometimes the guide itself is just doesn't convey the information well. Neither of those things are true with Final Fantasy XIII-2, making the strategy guide a wise purchase for anyone who wants to spend significant time with the game.

If you just want to blow through the main story and be done with the game, you can probably survive without Final Fantasy XIII-2's guide (published by Piggyback Interactive). However, if you want to get all of the fragments, fight the hardest foes, and recruit the best monsters, this guide is a must-have. While it has a lot of useful information and analysis, there are three things in particular that will be valuable for completionists.

1. Completion Timeline
This section lets you know exactly what you should be paying attention to in each chapter in order to get all of the fragments, wild artifacts, and noteworthy monsters. It even points out lucrative farming opportunities if you want to rack up CP or gil. The timeline is divided by episode, and then further broken down into individual parts. It also cross-references other sections of the guide to point you toward more detailed info if you need it. This a great example of a strategy guide giving you something that you can't get anywhere else; online FAQs may have similar information, but you won't find it laid out and color-coded in such a clear and accessible fashion. A trophy/achievement fanatic will probably wear these nine pages ragged.

2. Monster Collection/Growth
This isn't just a bestiary that lays out the monsters' stats (though the guide has one of those, too). This section organizes everything you want to know about taming and growing a pack of monster allies. It has graphs illustrating the different growth patterns, maximum and minimum stats, suggestions for where to farm the items you use to level the monsters, and a breakdown of the most effective passive abilities that you fuse into your favorite allies (and which other monsters bestow them). Because there are a ton of monsters (and some of them aren't very good), the guide includes suggestions of noteworthy monsters organized by role, so you know which ones to focus your efforts on obtaining. The whole process of collecting and leveling monsters is complicated, but all of the useful information here makes it less overwhelming.

3. Character Optimization
When you're leveling your characters in the Crystarium, you may notice that there are large nodes an small nodes. Depending on the role you're advancing when you light them up, large nodes provide an extra bonus to magic, strength, or HP. This results in a very flexible system for customizing your stats…but some choices are better than others. If you want to squeeze the best stats possible out of Noel and Serah, the strategy guide has a terrific outline for optimizing their growth. Laying out exactly what roles you should level, what you should boost with large nodes, and what expansion bonuses you should take, these charts ensure that your characters will be well-suited to taking down the game's most advanced challenges.

I've already played through the game (read my review), but now that I have all of this information at my fingertips, I'm looking forward to going through it again and maximizing the experience. If that sounds like fun to you, you should probably get the Final Fantasy XIII-2 strategy guide, too.

My Favorite (And Least Favorite) Strategy Guides

Joe Juba — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:01:00 GMT

Strategy guides have an undeservedly bad reputation among hardcore gamers. Some seem to think that guides are just for people too stupid to figure a game out, or for those who want to get all of the reward with none of the effort. I disagree. I believe strategy guides help me get the most out of my games, and these are examples of the guides I’ve owned that accomplish that goal with flying colors…plus one that fails miserably.

Even for those who don’t view strategy guides as cheating, another question comes up when discussing them: Why not just look up all the answers online? As printed books, strategy guides offer an element of design, organization, and easy access that you can’t get on most game help sites. They are complete resources, often written with the direct assistance of a game’s development team. They have maps, lots of pictures identifying key locations, and give you all of the information in one place. If you’re just looking for a boss strategy, I agree that you can get that anywhere. However, the best guides offer more than that; they help you see things you didn’t even know were in a game.

That’s the main reason I’ve been a user of strategy guides for years. It’s resulted in me acquiring a hefty collection of the books, and here are a few of my favorites.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Skyrim is a huge game, and this guide from Prima Games does a fantastic job pointing you toward the best content. The full map has all of the locations marked in case you’re looking for something specific, and detailed information on how all of the guilds, side quests, and campaign missions intersect. Skyrim isn’t a challenging game from a difficulty standpoint, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the size of the world and amount of content. This guide helps you narrow your focus if you’re just beginning, and gives you all of the finer points and hidden items if you’re looking to add another 100 hours to an already lengthy playthrough.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Gun of the Patriots

The mission walkthroughs in this guide from Piggyback Interactive do their job, but the real strength is how the guide focuses on giving hardcore fans of the series everything else they could want. Kojima Productions is known for putting lots of Easter eggs in its Metal Gear Solid games, and this guide helps players find the cool touches they may have missed. It also has important pointers about how the game changes if you are playing on harder difficulty modes, plus you’ll find well-written story and character summaries (and an interpretation of the ending) for those who may need some help connecting the dots. If you love to do a deep-dive into Metal Gear Solid games, this guide is invaluable.

Radiata Stories

I think Radiata Stories is the most under-appreciated RPGs of the PS2 era, but whatever you think of the game itself, you can’t deny that BradyGames’ strategy guide is an excellent companion. To understand why, you need to know something about the game: one of the major draws is collecting allies. These people have individual daily shedules, and often have specific and bizarre requirements for joining. The whole first part of the guide is devoted to every single ally, where you can find them, and what you need to do to recruit them. It’s a complicated task, but the information is thorough and well-organized…though it just looks like a mess on first glance:

The other aspect of the guide I appreciate is how it explains the consequences of a major choice you make about 75% of the way through the game. The game branches into two different paths at that point, but the guide makes sure you never feel like you did something wrong. I still page through this one occasionally even though I completely cleared the game long ago.

On the next page: 2 SNES classics and the worst strategy guide of all time!

Update – Macbeth Meets Video Games: Bad Idea Or The Worst Idea?

Joe Juba — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 21:21:00 GMT

Okay, I don't really want to give this thing any free advertising, but we got a flyer for "Macbeth: The Video Game Remix," a play going on this weekend as a part of the Minnesota Fringe Festival. The description alone would keep any self-respecting gamer from seeing the show.

According to the back of the card, the play's plot can be summed up like so:

"Scotland is pwned as Shakespeare’s classic tale of treachery and bloody revenge warps into an online world of group raids, elf assassins, and multiplayer quests. It’s the story of a n00b destined to be king…if he can ever make it past the first level."

I'll admit that Macbeth is one of my favorite plays, but this is mainly insulting because I'm a gamer, not because I was an English major. Fact: words like "n00b" and "pwned" are what non-gamers say to appear in-the-know. They only show up on marketing materials for movies, food, and accessories that companies hope gamers will buy.

Using those perceived gamer-words (along with similar fake words like "leet," "uber," and "epic fail") sounds exactly like when a lame parent misuses some piece of slang in a weak attempt to sound hip. It's obvious and painful, and a giant red flag indicating that the people involved don't know the first thing about games. At Ubisoft's E3 press conference this year, Mr. Caffeine exuded this phoniness. I hated him.

Granted, I haven't seen this show, so I can't actually speak to its quality. But that's not what this is about; it's about the fact that I have no desire to see the show because of how false the gamer-cred appeal rings to me.

If any of you Twin Cities residents get out to the Fringe Festival this weekend, I'd love to hear your reviews of this play. I'll tell you what, though: From the description, I bet it sucks.

UPDATE: The director of the show, Bill Stiteler, posted in the comments below. Since I was admittedly harsh in the post above, I figure that it's only fair to have both perspectives represented, so I'm putting his response here.

I should probably respond to this since I'm the co-writer and director of the play.

To begin, you can read the reviews of the play here:

http://www.fringefestival.org/2011/show/?id=1532

And the reaction from people who identify themselves as gamers is, by and large, that they love the play. Both my co-writer and I are huge nerds and gamers, and wrote it to reflect, in a humorous but accurate way, gamer culture. One of the things that drives me nuts is when shows get nerd culture wrong.

That I used "n00b" and "pwned" in the advertising (which I wrote) is because I still see them used in-game, and *because* they're entering the general vocabulary, letting both hardcore and casual gamers (along with the people who live with them) know what the play is about. Strangely, one of the criticisms we've been getting is that if you're *not* in gamer culture, you won't get some of the jokes.

In all sincerity, I think this is a great show. If you'd like to see it, Mr. Juba, we have three more shows (Thurs. Fri. and Sun.) If you'd like to come see it, let me know and I'll arrange comps. I gave you friend the postcard for the show because after a long chat with her about her friends, I honestly thought they'd be interested.

Watch Me Murder Dan In L.A. Noire

Joe Juba — Wed, 25 May 2011 16:30:00 GMT

It's the case of The Shoved Sucker! After encountering my co-worker Dan Ryckert in L.A. Noire, I decided to stop at nothing until he was dead.

Unfortunately, this isn't as easy as it sounds. Most Rockstar games make it easy to harass/kill random civilians, but you can't pull guns or attack people in L.A. Noire at will. It's even difficult to run people over.

Anyway, I got sick of seeing Dan endlessly dodge my attempts to run him over with my car. So I carefully shoved him to the edge of a cliff and...well, you can guess what happened. But just to confirm your suspicions, you should probably watch the video below.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Meet Tim's Fan-Made Sonic Character

Joe Juba — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 01:11:00 GMT

My co-worker, Tim Turi, is a Sonic the Hedgehog fan. How big of a fan is he? Let's just say that he has spent no small amount of time drawing fan-made friends for Sonic.

To be fair, this was when Tim was young – before Sega gummed up the works with an ever-expanding roster of garbage characters. So, the idea of Sonic having buddies besides Knuckles and Tails wasn't total poison yet. Anyway, as Tim was telling us about this hobby, he volunteered to draw one of his creations: Drog. Of course, as soon as he finished, I swiped the drawing and immediately scanned it to share with all of you. It's the image above (in case that wasn't obvious).

Three quotes from Tim regarding the drawing (which was made on the back of an envelope):

"I don't remember how I did his nose. Did I even give him one? I don't think I gave him a nose."
"He was always going like this: Grrrr!" [Tim makes a fist]
"His name is Drog. He's a Droganian."

What do you think? Personally, I rather see Drog in a game than Shadow the Hedgehog...and I don't think I'm alone in that.

Why I Hate The Xbox 360 Dashboard: A Photo Journal

Joe Juba — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 23:51:00 GMT

The "New Xbox Experience" launched two years ago, replacing the 360's old sliding blade dashboard with a slicker and more colorful interface. While it may have been a visual step up, I initially had reservations about the funtionality of the new format. Over time, these reservations have blossomed into a full-blown hatred that burns like the sun whenever I need to navigate my 360 while connected to Xbox Live.

Excuses like "you just don't like it because it's new" and "they're still working on it" no longer hold any weight. Microsoft should have had this garbage sorted out ages ago, and the fact that they haven't means that it is intentionally cumbersome, intrusive, and frustrating. Plainly put, the Xbox 360 interface is abominable, and I'm surprised more people aren't furious about it.

Here's what it looks like when you're offline. One channel, no ads. Whatever is in your disc tray is front and center. Of course, you can't access your friends list or anything, but at least this is a streamlined approach to using your console. Don't let the "My Xbox" name fool you, though; this channel doesn't give you any way to customize the items it contains.

Now, the second you try to connect to Xbox Live...

...you get this jumbled mess. The default channel changes from My Xbox to Spotlight. I don't know about you, but the first thing I want to do when I turn on my console is watch a bunch of sponsored promotional bull----. Not, you know, play games. Who even watches this stuff, anyway?

I don't know what the difference is between the Spotlight and Inside Xbox channels. They feature redundant content, which mainly includes advertisements, old previews, and useless "tips" for games no one is playing anymore. Also, I already have to put up with ads on TV, radio, and websites...but I feel like it's crossing the line when I see them as soon as I boot up my game console. Did you ever have to watch a commercial when you put a cartridge into your NES?

Isn't that cute? Microsoft thinks people give a crap about Zune. I respect the company's right to hope against hope, but I'd bet the vast majority of users only visit this channel for the Netflix application. If you're not going to make that the first option by default, at least give me the ability to put it there myself and bury the Zune app at the far end of the channel where it belongs. I bet 99 percent of the people who select the Zune thing here do it accidentally on the way to either ESPN or Netflix. I know that's happened to me.

Honestly, I never use the music channel. It's just one more stupid thing I need to scroll through to get where I'm going. I don't understand why I can't hide the things that I don't want to see...

...I know it's possible, since the system lets you hide the Welcome channel, but you're stuck with all of the other ones. Then again, if you were able to hide the Inside Xbox channel, you wouldn't have the opportunity to learn all about Verizon, right?

It's been said many times in many ways, but I can't talk about what sucks about the Xbox 360 without adding my voice to the chorus: Avatars are really, really dumb. I hate looking at them. I hate that I need to have one. I hate that I can't turn them off. I hate Avatars so much that I never use the side-scrolling friends channel. Instead, I just hit the guide button and check out my friends' activity through the old blade-style list.

Let's take a quick look at usability. What happens when you try to do something simple? For example, if I've bought a card for another year of Xbox Live Gold service, how do I redeem that? Maybe in the game marketplace? Nope.

Is there some kind of account management in my profile? Nope. (Side note: I miss the days when people saw Columbo next to my name instead of my stupid Avatar)

You have to hit the guide button, then scroll over to that version of the marketplace. That's the only place I've found where you can redeem codes...buried in some secondary version of the interface.

Or, let's say that I'm watching a movie, and I'm sick of those notifications popping up telling me when my friends are online. How do I turn those off? Settings? Oh, no. Because that would make sense.

Again, you need to press the guide button, scroll over to those settings, then select the "preferences" tab there that, for some reason, doesn't exist in the main interface.

Well, that's my abbreviated rant about why I hate the 360 dashboard. In the interest of not fanning the flames of a console war, I should say this: I don't have any anti-Microsoft agenda . I'm not complaining about the 360 to make the PS3 look good. The only reason I'm not also complaining about PlayStation Home is that I've rarely used it. But at least Sony has the good sense to not impose Home's lameness on every user, whereas every Xbox Live subscriber has to put up with this crap.

Here's what needs to happen to make me happy: Microsoft needs to give me control. Stop forcing me to scroll through multiple channels populated with content I don't care about. By all means, keep all those dumb channels if you have to, but let me move them or hide them so they aren't what I see before the channel I use to play my games on a video game console. On that note, please stop making the system default to the Spotlight channel. No one wants to watch any of that trash. Instead, let me take my favorite destinations, like Netflix and Xbox Live Arcade, and add them as shortcuts to the main My Xbox channel. Let me, not Microsoft, decide how I should be using my Xbox 360.

I Love My Backlog

Joe Juba — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 23:03:00 GMT

As each year draws to a close, I always find myself adding to my growing stack of must-play titles. For many gamers, this is a stressful process. It makes them feel overwhelmed. For me, my holiday backlog is a tradition I look forward to every year, like a gigantic feast just waiting to be devoured.

I spend my time at work and at home playing games during the year, so I'm pretty good at staying on top of the major releases...especially during the months when the titles have some space between them. In January and February this year, I played the big-name titles like Darksiders, Bayonetta, Mass Effect 2, BioShock 2, and Heavy Rain because those were the only releases in that timeframe that demanded my attention. Hell, I even had the time to play Mass Effect 2 three times!

When the holiday season approaches, it's harder to stay afloat. Not only are there more games to play, but life generally gets busier – which leaves me less time to sit in front of my TV. I feel like for every game I play, two get added to my backlog. For example, I've recently played God of War: Ghost of Sparta and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, but I still have Castevania: Lords of Shadow, Fallout: New Vegas, Fable III, and Dead Rising 2 to polish off (though I've started some of them).

Where this makes some gamers feel like they're falling behind, that's never been the case for me. Playing games isn't like doing your homework or taking a test; it's supposed to be fun, which means you should do it at your own pace. I love hunkering down and spending an entire weekend with a game, which happens often during Minnesota winters because of the snow. The more games I have lined up, the more time like that I get to enjoy.

That's why I don't feel overwhelmed when I look at the stack of games I still have to play. I feel overjoyed, because that's a bunch of fun just waiting to be had. And I'll get to it soon enough.

So, that's my take. What about you? What's on your backlog right now? What are the odds that you'll finish everything you want to finish?

Bad Video Game Movie Night: Far Cry

Joe Juba — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:35:00 GMT

Okay, so some of us in the office have an unfortunate fascination with watching bad video game movies. Last week, this bizarre hobby resulted in tragedy as four of us watched one of the worst movies ever made: Far Cry.

Bryan, Sean, Ben, and I gathered to play some Scott Pilgrim on PSN...only to discover that our code wasn't activated yet, and the game wasn't available for download. So, we had pizza and refreshments, but no activity. What could we do?

We almost did this. Then we did something worse.

Any other group of self-respecting adults would have called it a night. However, I suggested that we use the opportunity to resurrect our bad video game movie night by watching Far Cry, which was unfortunately available on Netflix Instant Queue (Aside: As far as I know, this trash pile never even got a theatrical release. Hell, it may not have even gotten a DVD release. I think it was one of those straight-to-Netflix-Instant-Queue movies)

Avoid this at all costs! Also, I dispute Netflix's classification of this movie as "exciting."

As someone who has now seen every one of Uwe Boll's video game movies (I just died a little bit inside writing that, by the way), I can tell you one thing: He never got better. Some people may tell you that he crawled a slow path of improvement, starting at "total s---" and eventually landing at slightly more complimentary "mostly s---." Not true! As Far Cry demonstrates, every one of his films are absolutely unwatchable, and insulting on several levels.

Unlike some previous Boll productions, Far Cry doesn't even have a star-studded cast. I mean, I can understand how someone might be suckered into seeing In the Name of the King, since it has Jason Statham, Burt Reynolds, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, and Ray Liotta. The three headliners in Far Cry are Til Schweiger, Emmanuelle Vaugier, and Udo Kier. Now, I'm not going to disparage these actors individually – I've seen them each in things I've enjoyed (spoiler: Far Cry is not one of those things). Plus, I'm not going to blame them...no one turns in a good performance in any Uwe Boll video game movie. But the fact remains that Far Cry just doesn't have a ton of star power.

The movie obviously sucks right away and never stops. Some commandos get killed, someone hires Jack Carver to go to some crazy island, that giant dude from Gladiator shows up (the one who gets skewered with all those arrows at the end). The girl falls for Jack Carver immediately and without reason or explanation, and some guy who was supposed to be a sidekick or something gets introduced when there are just 20 minutes left in the movie.

Look, this is that guy from Gladiator I'm talking about. Not the dude with the crying angel/tiger mask.

Anyway, the short of it is that we watched Far Cry, and it was hilarious. Sure, it was hilarious in a terrible way, but we had a good time talking over the movie and making fun of Ben. I apologize if you thought this was going to be a review of Far Cry. It's not. You don't need me to tell you the numerous ways in which this movie fails, because it's all of them. This movie fails in all of the ways.

Which made it a perfect choice for bad video game movie night. Next up: Max Payne, I think.

Five Reasons To Read Mass Effect Retribution

Joe Juba — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:00:00 GMT

I like playing video games and reading books, but I only do one of those things professionally. I'm not qualified to assess Drew Karpyshyn's Mass Effect: Redemption (in stores today) in terms of literary merit. However, from a gamer's perspective, I can give you five reasons why the book is definitely worth reading if, like me, you're a fan of the Mass Effect series.

1. Continuity
The story picks up shortly after the events of Mass Effect 2, and includes most of the major characters from the two previous novels, Revelation and Ascension. However, this book seems to have a greater connection to the games than its predecessors. Of course, it won't be required reading to enjoy the next game in the series, but I will say (without spoiling anything) that it will be difficult to have Anderson or The Illusive Man make appearances in Mass Effect 3 without at least mentioning the events of this book.

2. Learn more about the Reapers
Mass Effect 2 concludes with the threat of an imminent Reaper attack. How are these sentient machines preparing for their assault? Who are their agents paving the way? How do they manipulate these agents from the farthest reaches of space? Retribution provides answers to these questions...though they aren't always complete answers.

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3. The Illusive Man
The enigmatic leader of Cerberus, The Illusive Man, plays a role in the events of Retribution. He isn't the main character (like he apparently will be in the upcoming comic series), but I enjoyed the opportunity to see more of this guy in action. I'm still not sure exactly what his motives are, or what his ultimate goal is, but I feel like I understand him a bit better.

4. More Omega
I thought Omega was a great location in Ascension and Mass Effect 2. I especially liked Aria as the ruthless pirate queen of the space station, and I was a bit disappointed that Mass Effect 2 didn't let me explore the dark underworld of Omega even more. Thankfully, Redemption returns to the wild, lawless setting – and Aria still presides over it all.

5. Hints about Mass Effect 3's plot
The previous novels each contained clues about major elements of the games they preceded. Revelation introduced us to the concepts of Spectres and Indoctrination while giving Saren and Anderson some time in the spotlight. Ascension gave readers a glimpse of some key locations like the Quarians' Migrant Fleet and Omega. I can't say much without spoiling it, but if the major themes in Retribution are similarly tied to Mass Effect 3, that game is going to be totally awesome.

(Thanks to the users at the Mass Effect Wiki for the images)

Tim Just Spoiled The Ending Of Red Dead For Me

Joe Juba — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 18:47:00 GMT

I haven't beaten Red Dead Redemption yet. It just came out two months ago and it's a massive game, so I was slowly working my way through it. Now, thanks to Tim Turi, I don't need to worry about finishing; in an email, he casually ruined what happens in the closing minutes of John Marston's Wild West adventure. Because I'm a better man, I'm going to keep this post spoiler-free, but the incident got me thinking about two things. 1) What is the best way to take revenge on Tim, and 2) How soon is too soon to talk about pivotal moments in games?

I'll leave the whole "take revenge on Tim" thing for another day. For now, I want to know when you think it's appropriate to just talk about the twists and turns taken by many recent titles. For instance, talking about the surprise in Knights of the Old Republic or the character death in Final Fantasy VII are totally fair. If you haven't played those games by now, you clearly don't care enough about the stories – otherwise, you would have already known what happens. But how much time does it take for a game to cross the threshold?

To get back to my grievance with Tim, two months is way too soon. When we do our end-of-the-year lists in the magazine, we consciously avoid spoilers when talking about the characters and moments from the best games – some of which came out as many as 12 months ago. So, I think a year after release is still too soon. After all, some people need to wait for price drops before they can add a game to their collection, so it's not fair to assume that everyone who wants to play a game will get a chance in the first few months.

So, what factors do you need to take into consideration? If a game is popular, is it okay to talk about it sooner? What about games like BioShock and Heavy Rain, where knowing the twist could totally ruin an entire playthrough – do you wait longer for those? Let me know what you think.

Also, give me ideas on how to get back at Tim.

You Have Probably Played The Game Of The Year

Joe Juba — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 20:55:00 GMT

It's July, which means we're halfway through 2010. With six months left to go, discussions about the Game of the Year may seem premature, especially since the holiday season always has some great titles to contribute. However, thanks to the Great Delay Epidemic of 2009, the first half of this year was unusually packed with awesome games...and one of them is probably the Game of the Year.

When it comes time to choose Game Informer's top game of 2010, I have no idea which way things are going to go. The race is far from over...there are still lots of good games coming out later this year. Still, I can't help but marvel at how many sweet games have already come out. Here's a brief look at the standouts. (Warning: the following list is definitely colored by my own opinions about the games' relative awesomeness – so if your favorite isn't on here, you and I like different stuff. Also, I may have forgotten a few things.)

What's Already Out

Bayonetta
Darksiders
Mass Effect 2
BioShock 2
Ace Attorney Investigations
Heavy Rain
The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom
Mega Man 10
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
Final Fantasy XIII
That One Good Baseball Game
Pokémon: HeartGold and SoulSilver
God of War III
Dragon Age Origins: Awakening
Just Cause 2
3D Dot Game Heroes
Skate 3
Lost Planet 2
Split Second: Velocity
Alan Wake
Super Mario Galaxy 2
ModNation Racers
Red Dead Redemption
Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker
Transformers: War for Cybertron
Deadly Premonition (Okay, this one doesn't really belong in such lauded company, but I loved it anyway)

Now, those aren't all necessarily GOTY contenders, but I'd be surprised if most of them didn't make our Top 50 at the end of the year. So, what do we have left to look forward to?

What's Left

Crackdown 2
Limbo
Starcraft II
Mafia II
Metroid Other M
Valkyria Chronicles II
Halo: Reach
Epic Mickey
Civilization V
God of War: Ghost of Sparta
Dead Rising 2
Fallout: New Vegas
The Force Unleashed II
Fable III
Gran Turismo 5
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
Call of Duty: Black Ops
LittleBigPlanet 2

So, there's still a lot to be excited about, but the first half of the year certainly seems denser with cool games than the second. Anyway, that's one of the things I've been thinking about lately. I'm still pumped up for the holiday season, but I don't see anything in that line-up that is guaranteed to knock games like Mass Effect 2, God of War III, or Heavy Rain off of my short list of GOTY contenders. Regardless, it's a beautiful time to be a gamer.

New 1000 Club Inductee: Bayonetta

Joe Juba — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:11:00 GMT

I've been wanting to go back to replay Bayonetta ever since I reviewed it. Actually, I've been wanting to replay it the instant I first saw the credits roll. After finally clearing the other big must-play titles of early 2010 off of my backlog, I decided to use the current lull in the gaming release schedule to bring Bayonetta into the fold of my 1000 Club.

Unlike some other titles in this genre, all of the achievements in Bayonetta are attainable by just about any reasonably skilled player. The time investment is pretty steep (it took me about 29 hours), because it takes at least three complete playthroughs on different difficulty settings – one on normal, one on hard, and one on non-stop infinite climax. That sounds daunting, but there's one thing that makes it possible for anyone: the Climax Brace. When equipped, this accessory transforms all of your attacks into their boss-mode versions, which basically means they are all powerful wicked weaves with a huge range. Of course, this absolutely wrecks most enemies in seconds (even on harder settings), so using the Climax Brace makes your scores ineligible for the leader boards.

While tracking stats like combo score and completion time is disabled, using the Climax Brace still allows you to unlock achievements. I should stress, though, that this ruins the game's natural difficulty curve (and your personal skill progression), so don't do it on your first playthrough; do yourself a favor and experience this awesome game as it was meant to be played at least once. Once you're ready to shoot for the 1000 points, do some Internet research on halo-farming trick for the Temperantia boss fight, then look up how to unlock the Climax Brace using the phones in chapter 2.

Once you have that item equipped, it's just a matter of time...but be sure to check out the other weapons and accessories you can buy at the Gates of Hell. One of the great things about Bayonetta is how these items continue to open up new strategies. Beating the game is just the beginning; the combat system keeps ramping up and getting more intricate the more you unlock, so even after you get your 1000 points, there's still plenty of incentive to keep playing.
(Bayonetta achievements here)