GIJeff Blog

The Twilight Highlight Zone - Episode 6

Jeff Cork — Mon, 13 May 2013 18:23:52 GMT

It's Monday, which can mean only one thing: It's time for a new episode of the Twilight Highlight Zone. Ben Hanson and I are watching every episode of the classic sci-fi show and sharing our important thoughts. Join us!

We're in the home stretch, with only one more episode to go before the end of season one. I feel like I've learned a lot so far. People used to be far more attractive. Hanson likes to use fancy film-school terms. And slot machines used to have little tiny legs.

As always, we invite you to watch the show on Netflix (or wherever finer shows from the late '50s / early '60s are streamed) and join in the discussion.

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This week's podcast covers the following episodes:

26. Execution

27. The Big Tall Wish

28. A Nice Place to Visit

29. Nightmare as a Child

30. A Stop at Willoughby

And if you've somehow managed to miss out on a previous episode (GASP!), you can catch up by clicking the appropriate links below.

The Twilight Highlight Zone - Episode 4

Jeff Cork — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:26:00 GMT

As you may or may not have discovered, Ben Hanson and I are watching every episode of The Twilight Zone and podcasting our thoughts in five-episode blocks. We've got an all-new installment for you this week, which covers one of the dumbest/best episodes of the pioneering show yet.

This week's offerings are a little hit and miss, but they're great discussion fodder. One sample topic? Is "The Fever" the greatest thing ever, or is it just completely great? Like before, we'll be following the same five-episode block schedule weekly, with new episodes coming Mondays. The Twilight Zone is available on Netflix streaming and other services, so you really don't have any excuses not to play along. Unless you don't have Netflix or something.

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This week's podcast covers the following episodes:

16. The Hitch-Hiker

17. The Fever

18. The Last Flight

19. The Purple Testament

20. Elegy

If you missed out on last week's episode, it's available over here.

The Twilight Highlight Zone - Episode 2

Jeff Cork — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:18:13 GMT

Last week, Ben Hanson and I posted the first episode of our ongoing Twilight Zone podcast, which we're calling the "Twilight Highlight Zone." The setup is simple: We're watching every episode of the pioneering television show and podcasting our thoughts in five-episode blocks. We've got an all-new podcast for you this week, and it features some of the classics.

We're still working out the kinks, so feel free to pass along whatever constructive criticisms you have in the comments. One of the goals here is to get a good discussion going, so catch up with us and weigh in. We'll be following the same five-episode block schedule weekly, with new episodes coming Mondays. The Twilight Zone is available on Netflix streaming and other services, so get on it already.

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This week's podcast covers the following episodes:

6. Escape Clause

7. The Lonely

8. Time Enough at Last

9. Perchance to Dream

10. Judgment Night

If you missed out on last week's episode, it's available over here.

Colonial Marines' Xenomorphs Glide With The Greatest Of Ease

Jeff Cork — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:19 GMT

It's no secret that I didn't have the greatest time with Aliens: Colonial Marines. Take a look at this quick clip for just one of the reasons why.

Who can take the xenomorphs seriously when they're pulling off these kinds of moves. Not me.

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Check out my full review after you've fully absorbed what you just saw.

Organize Your Collection

Jeff Cork — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 23:42:00 GMT

Like many of you, I’d consider myself a game collector. While I used to sell off games that I was done with to get cash for new ones, now I just toss ‘em on the shelf. I’m also a deal hunter. I’ll pick up games that I really don’t have any interest in playing, if the price is low enough. For instance, I snagged a sealed copy of the Black-Eyed Peas Experience the other day that was on the clearance rack. It’s not an experience that I see myself experiencing anytime soon, but it was only $5.

These two habits often smack into one another. Sometimes I’ll see a ridiculously good deal, but then I can’t remember if the game in question is already taking up shelf space at my house. Calling it a problem reduces the significance of the word “problem,” but it can be annoying. I’ve been looking for a way to get around this for a while now, and I think I’ve found the solution in a set of software tools.

I’ve seen plenty of applications that let you catalogue your collection on your PC or through a Web site. Those are great for what they are, but I was looking for something more specific. I wanted to have my collection available on my Android phone, since I almost always have it on me while I’m shopping. I also wanted to be able to browse my collection via a separate app, so I could access it even if I didn’t have access to the Web for whatever reason. Also, I didn’t want to use a database like Excel, because it is ugly.

Eventually I settled on a pair of programs from a company called Collectorz. Don’t let the unfortunate name turn you off; they’re powerful and easy-to-use tools that do exactly what I need them to do. Fair warning: They’re also a bit pricey.

I’m using a pair of the Collectorz components, though there’s more and less functionality available depending on your needs. The actual Game Collectorz software is essentially the hub of it all. The PC program (sorry Mac users) is where you input and edit your game collection. You can do so by entering keywords in manually or via a barcode scanning device. I picked up an inexpensive barcode reader when I started, but I found that it’s not significantly faster than simply typing in a word or two.

The software is available in a few different versions, too. The standard edition (about $30) provides just about everything you need to get organized. Once you enter your games, you can sort them by platform, add your own reviews, and geek out with a variety of pie charts. (I never said this was a cool activity, OK?) I opted for the pro version. For $20 more, you get the same features as well as the ability to add games in batches instead of one by one. It also allows you to access an online database, but I haven’t bothered with that.

Once I added in all my games, I went through and refined them all. The default game entries are pretty solid overall, but I found a few issues. The quality of the box art in the game sheets can vary, and my OCD doesn’t let me ignore that kind of stuff. Fortunately, it’s easy to do a Google search and replace any offending images from within the software itself. In the rare occasions when a game didn’t pop up in the database, I was able to add my own entries in a few minutes. It’s not perfect, but it’s much better than what I expected.

After I updated the images and made a few formatting passes (It’s Lego, not LEGO, **BRAAAHHHH**!), I exported the whole shebang over to the Android app. The app, and its iOS counterpart, costs an additional $10, but it’s the biggest component of what I wanted in the first place. Exporting the collection from the PC to my phone was easy, and now I have it all with me wherever I go. No more dupes of crappy games!

Like I said, it’s a relatively expensive proposition, but it does what I want, and it does it well. I’ve found that showing my collection off is an effective way to watch someone’s eyes glaze over in absolute boredom. Success!

My Top 10 Of 2012, Explained

Jeff Cork — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 10:56:00 GMT

This is the time of year when everyone under the sun compiles their top 10 games of the year list. You may have seen mine if you read the most recent issue of our magazine. (That photo of me was originally a joke by the way, and I’m super excited that it was published in the issue.) Here's mine, with a little explanation as to why I picked why I picked. It's not a random selection, honest!

1. Journey
I played a lot of games this past year, but few of them stuck with me the way that Journey did. Thatgamecompany delivered an experience that dealt with some pretty heavy themes, without getting mired in the same kind of snooty self-indulgence that many indie devs find irresistible. Check out our video, where Dan, Kato, and I talk about the game at length.

2. Far Cry 3
I love games that let me explore, and Far Cry 3 provides one of the best playgrounds I’ve seen. We’ve all spent time in open worlds by now, but I enjoyed the interplay between the game’s humans, animals and, of course, fire. I never knew what to expect whenever I tried to seize control of an outpost. Would my sneaky plans go off smoothly, or would a surprise tiger inadvertently provide a helping paw?

3. The Walking Dead
Gamers seem obsessed with crying. I can't understand why making people bawl their eyes out is supposedly some kind of achievement. By the time I finished Episode 5, I was grateful for such an emotionally packed experience, and I was surprised to see how fond I’d grown of the characters. My eyes didn’t mist over (I am a robot, apparently), but I felt completely satisfied with the journey and the way that it wrapped up.

4. Call of Duty: Black Ops II
If you told me that a Call of Duty game would have made my top 10 – let alone take a position in my top five – I would have called you insane. When I took it home, I reluctantly went online to check out multiplayer. It clicked with me in ways that the series has never done before. I would have been completely satisfied if it only shipped with the Kill Confirmed game type. The story surprised me, too, particularly the post-credits sequence. It’s the best/worst moment of the year.

5. Zookeeper Battle
This is one of my desert-island games. It’s not my favorite title from 2012, but I think it has more staying power than the other titles on my list. I’ve spent countless hours matching icons and competing with folks online – a disturbing proposition, considering each round only lasts 30 seconds. It’s one of those rare puzzle games that’s as polished as a PopCap release, which is a benchmark for me.

6. Hitman: Absolution
I watched Jeff Marchiafava play through this game while he was reviewing it. Every time I looked at his screen, something insane or hilariously dumb was happening. I’ve loved the series since the first game came out on PC, and this one’s the most refined iteration of the game’s core concepts. Plus, you can dress like a scarecrow and hide nuns’ bodies in outhouses.

7. Dishonored
Arkane Studios did something awesome with Dishonored: They created a world that was unlike anything else I’ve seen in a game. The bizarre, plague-filled steampunk sandbox was a great backdrop for Corvo’s sneaky adventures. I’m obsessed with taking the stealthy approach whenever I can, which is one of the reasons Dishonored buried its hooks into me.

8. XCOM: Enemy Unknown
I’m not much of a strategy-game player, but I’m beyond happy that I gave XCOM a shot. Like a lot of players, I grew attached to my squad members, and it bummed me out whenever one of my veterans bit it on the battlefield. We’ve come a long way since the days of moving tiny blip people around the screen.

9. Dragon’s Dogma
What do you know? It’s another game with a big ol’ world to explore. There’s a fair amount of backtracking to be done in Dragon’s Dogma, which is why I appreciate how interesting Gransys managed to be. I felt familiar with the world by the time I was done with it, but not in an “Oh god, I am tired of seeing this dumb place” kind of way. Also, you can climb up bosses and stab their heads. Sold.

10. Lego the Lord of the Rings
TT Games’ Lego games are reliably good, and Lego the Lord of the Rings is the best one yet. I love the licenses (Lego and Lord of the Rings), and the game manages to combine the films’ epic story with a whimsical twist. Smashing a diminutive Middle-earth with Sauron and the Mouth of Sauron in the game’s bonus round is always satisfying.

That’s my list, and I stand by it. You may notice a few high-ish profile games aren’t on it. Here’s why:

Mass Effect 3
I liked the series a lot, but I feel as though my mind was erased about a month after playing it. I recall being annoyed by the ending (not the content, generally, but the lousy way it was presented), but that’s about it. A lot of people in the office thought this was one of the best games ever. While I respect their opinions, they are all crazy people.

Borderlands 2
I had completely forgotten about this game when it was time to write my top 10. I enjoyed what I played of it, but if it didn't leave enough of an impression (or any, really), that was a sign that it didn't earn a spot on my list.

Assassin’s Creed 3
The Assassin’s Creed series is one of my favorites, which made this one so disappointing. I liked Connor a lot, but the game’s Forest Gump-like story made me cringe throughout it. My breaking point was during the tandem ride with Paul Revere. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Dumb. And would it have killed Ubisoft to come up with at least one more tree to climb? Far Cry 3 managed to pull off some variety in their tower-climbing section. Maybe they were too busy finding a way to have Connor write the Declaration of Independence while helping Francis Scott Key with the Star Spangled Banner.

Asura’s Wrath
If I had a top 11 list, this would have made it. It is a good game.

Fez
People sure like Fez. I thought it was pretty cute, but I got bored with it pretty quickly. 8-bit graphics, though.

Diablo III
I didn’t play enough of this one to form a solid opinion. I moved on when the servers were down and I couldn’t continue my single-player game. That’s probably been fixed now, but my backlog is too long to justify a return visit.

My Latest Mobile Obsession Is Too Distracting For Its Own Good

Jeff Cork — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 15:46:00 GMT

My weaknesses include the following: bullets, vats of acid, and match-three games. I can rationally explain the first two, but I'm as mystified about that last one as anyone. Why do I find matching gems/skulls/doodads so addicting? And why did I think it would be a good idea to fire up a quick game of Monsters Ate My Condo during a recent Game Informer meeting?

I'm completely late to the Monsters At My Condo party, but I'm happy I decided to attend. In the game, you swipe falling floors over to humongous monsters on either side of the screen. The floors come in four different colors and, you're not going to believe this, feeding a monsters a floor that matches their color makes them happy. Floors can stack up to precarious heights, and if a monster goes too long without eating (or if you feed him too many of the wrong types), they stomp the ground and make the condo stack wobble. If you match at least three consecutive colors, they transform into a bronze floor. Match three bronzes, and you get a silver. The pattern continues up to gold and diamond. Those fancier floors can be fed to monsters, too, and they grant special abilities, such as a pressure-relieving lullaby or a points bonus.

It is all much more fun than it sounds. I promise.

Anyway, I'm usually not one to tap away on my phone during meetings, but one quick game of Monsters Ate My Condo turned into a 20-minute multitasking session. Andy didn't necessarily believe that I was paying attention (I was), and he gave me a a friendly "You shouldn't do that, I'm keeping this conversation light, if you do that again I will push your bullet-riddled corpse in a vat of acid, just joking," thing after it was over. He has already probably forgotten about the whole thing already, but it was a big hunk of fuel to my guilt engine. Think of this post as my penance for being rude in a meeting. You shouldn't be like me, except for the part about playing Monsters Ate My Condo. Or, if you do decide to play the game in a meeting, pay attention for the parts when everyone is talking and mumbling and say, "I agree!" as loudly as you can.

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Monsters At My Condo is available for iOS and Android.

Confession: I Am A Horrible Gaming Narcissist

Jeff Cork — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 21:18:00 GMT

Escapism has been a component of video gaming from the beginning. After all, few of have the opportunity to slay dragons, singlehandedly win a war, or play professional sports. I’ve seen what happens when someone jumps on a turtle shell in real life, and the video game version is much better. As much as I enjoy escapism, I have a difficult time completely shedding my real-world persona when I play games. Here are some of the dumb ways I inject my own reality into virtual worlds.

1. Names!
I always get giddy when a character in an RPG asks “What is your name?” That’s my cue to type in “Jeffy,” which does a fantastic job of ruining any dramatic tension throughout the story. If there’s enough space, I’ll spice things up by entering Lord Jeffy. Don’t ask why I get that honorific. OK, fine. It’s for my immersion.

2. Character creation
If a game has any kind of character-creation system, the first thing I’m going to do is try to replicate myself. You’d think I’d have given up by now, because it never works out well. The best I ever come up with is a guy with dark hair and glasses that’s in dire need of a decent shave. Also, hazel-colored eyes. That is as good as it gets. I will spend 30 minutes moving sliders and clicking boxes before finally giving up and making an old, bald creep. Sometimes he will be super fat.

3. Dumb houses
I really love The Sims, because not only does it let me fail miserably at putting my face in the game, it also allows me to screw up my house. I’ve followed the same pattern since the first game came out. Once I’ve exited out of the character creation (usually in a huff), I move on to playing amateur architect. Here, I’ll agonize over scale, floor plans, and furniture placement before realizing that I don’t really know what I’m doing. Also, in-game materials are too expensive and I refuse to use money cheats. Best case scenario? I’ll end up with a few close-enough rooms devoid of furniture. Then my Sims wet their pants because I couldn’t afford a toilet.

4. My crappy cars
Why race around a course in a ridiculously expensive Formula One car when you could do it in style? Or in a 1996 Toyota Corolla? At least, that’s how my primitive mind operates. Whenever I play a racing game, the first thing I check is whether my current or past cars are featured. Surprisingly enough, El Caminos, Volkswagen Beetles, Buick Regals, and Toyota Corollas are rarely represented. If they are, the designers usually include particularly interesting models. Maybe I need to start driving better cars.

Also, I like writing features about myself.

PopCap's Latest Facebook Game Is My Latest Not-So-Secret Shame

Jeff Cork — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 21:46:00 GMT

I’ll be the first person to point out that I’m a sucker of the highest order in a few specific situations. When I see a current-gen game priced at $8 or lower, I am always tempted to add it to my collection—even if I have firsthand knowledge that it is irredeemably awful. I’ll read a book through to its conclusion, even when I figure out a few chapters in that I hate everything about it. And in those rare occasions when I visit a casino, I’ll make a beeline to the slot machines, even if I have to plow through the blackjack, craps, and poker tables, where I know full well that my odds are better. It looks as though the diabolical minds at PopCap have my number.

Lucky Gem Casino is my latest Facebook-gaming obsession, at least temporarily bumping Bejweled Blitz off its perch. If, like me, you’re morbidly fascinated with slots, you may want to check it out. Or you may want to avoid it entirely, if you value your office productivity (Shh!).

Like just about everything that PopCap touches, Lucky Gem Casino is beautifully designed. That level of attention extends to both in its candy-coated visual presentation and rich audio production. Each of the game’s eight tables are based on existing PopCap franchises, such as Bejeweled, Chuzzle, and Peggle, and the game’s special modes are drawn from those games. For instance, the bonus mode in Mystery P.I. machine has you hunting for hidden objects in a background, with each one providing a “cash” prize. I completely understand that calling any of this "gameplay" stretches the definition of the term to its limits, but it's as faithful a rendition of video slots that I could hope for.

I haven’t checked out any of the game’s social functionality, because I loathe bothering people with details of what I’m playing on Facebook. (Keep your invites to yourself, thank you very much.) If you don’t mind making a tremendous pest of yourself, you can spread the wealth with your victims friends as you earn achievements and strike it rich.

Coins are the basis for the game’s economy, and players can build up their stash by hitting jackpots or opening their actual wallets. What I appreciate about the game is that you’re given a fairly generous amount of additional coins every few hours; I’ve never had the need or even urge to spend any real money on the game. Believe it or not, I’m not that much of a sucker.

My Basement Is A Super-Classy Basement (NSFW?)

Jeff Cork — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 18:01:00 GMT

It may be hard to believe this, but I’m a bit of a jackass. Even though I’m chronologically an adult and I do a lot of adult things (drive, own a house, embarrass my children), a large part of my personality never evolved past the eighth grade. That last bit is critically important to this story.

Fair warning: If you are extraordinarily sensitive, you may find this blog post offensive. It contains 8-bit nudity.

A little game called Leisure Suit Larry and the Land of the Lounge Lizards was released when I was in the eighth grade. While ostensibly an adult-oriented game, I can’t help but think that I was actually the target market. It was an adventure game (check!), it was available on the Amiga (check!), and it promised adult content of one form or another (CHECKCHECKCHECK!!!). What can I say; I was 13. I convinced my friend Graham to give it to me for my birthday, and life was great.

Anyway, if you’re not familiar with Leisure Suit Larry, it’s a game about a 40-ish loser who is trying his best to have…relations…with a woman. It’s really funny, and there’s not much in the game that couldn’t be broadcast today in prime time. The game’s set in Lost Wages (HAW HAW), and it starts out with Larry standing outside of Lefty’s Bar. It’s a seedy place, as you can see below.

It took forever for me to beat the game—mostly because my Amiga 500 didn’t have a hard drive, and loading off the 3.5” floppy disks took a long-ass time. I still had fond memories of it, and I thought about it from time to time.

Fast forward to last month.

My family was settling into our new house, and I was decking out the basement gaming/movie zone. The walls were bare, and I wanted to put something up. But what? Then inspiration struck!

A few weeks later, I finished work on the painting and hung it on the wall. It’s glorious. My wife hates it, which is a nice bonus. (I originally proposed that it would be hung over our bed. The basement position is a “compromise.”)

So that’s what I do with my free time. I have a lot of growing up to do.

On Grazing

Jeff Cork — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:50:00 GMT

It used to be, when I got a new game I’d play it through to completion before moving on. A large part of that choice was economic – buying games was a luxury when I was a kid – but it was also how I liked to play. Why move onto something else if I could squeeze even a drop more entertainment from a game?

Now that I’m older, and there are so many great games vying for my time and attention, I find myself becoming more of a grazer. If I’m not playing a game for review, I’ll bounce between several games in the same time frame. Here are some of the games I’m currently juggling, along with my lame excuses for why I haven’t just settled in and beaten each one. Yet.

Am I alone here? Do you guys have several games in your queue at any given time, or do you like to finish up a game before moving on?

Dragon Age II

I was pretty excited for this one, but it hasn't grabbed me the way Origins did. I've probably spent about five or six hours playing Dragon Age II so far. I haven't encountered anything as interesting as the monster in the screenshot, though. Phil Kollar tells me that encounters require a lot more strategy when you get further into the game, which is encouraging. As it stands, combat has been pretty dull. The story hasn't really kicked off, but I'm assuming that it's one of those slow-burn type things. This is probably highest on my "OK, it's time to put this thing to rest" list. It's a shame that it feels a lot like homework.

Crysis 2

Predator 2 is one of my favorite movies, so it wasn't surprising that I love Crysis 2's cloaking-enhanced suit. I'm trying to be as sneaky as possible, so I've been replaying the same dumb mission over and over again. I'm not sure if it's even possible to make it through the section without being detected. As it stands, I'll try it a few times before enemies start noticing me and I eventually get blown apart. If I approached it like a traditional shooter I'm sure I would have beaten this thing by now. I guess I'm stubborn sometimes.

Torchlight

This is my go-to game right now when I have a few minutes to kill. I can sit down and feel like I've made a little progress over a short period of time. I don't think I could sit down and plow through the entire game in one big ol' binge, but it's the perfect back-burner game for me.

LittleBigPlanet 2

I played the first few levels of this one with my son until it got too difficult for him (he's only four – cut him some slack). I continued by myself, but it's not as much fun as a single-player game. No, I haven't gone online and played with strangers. I'm too old and crabby for that. Maybe I'll have Tim Turi over sometime and we can knock out a few more levels.

Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing

Confession: Sometimes I remove the batteries from a controller and give it to my son. Then I play this game while he thinks he's actually racing. I've played through 60 of the missions this way, and he hasn't caught on yet. Did I already mention that he's only four and that you should cut him some slack?

Three Reasons Why Two Worlds II Is Awesome

Jeff Cork — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 22:43:00 GMT

Two Worlds II is an open-world RPG designed for people who like to have fun. Here are three reasons why I'm having an absolute blast with it.

1. Ostriches
One of the first places you explore is a savanna, populated with rhinos, baboons, and warthogs. Also, there are ostriches. I can't think of many games that let you fight ostriches. If you headshot one with an arrow, sometimes the physics models act a bit goofy and the dead birds will shoot into the air. I'm not complaining about that.

2. Umbrellas
In the last quest I finished, I had to fight a bunch of demon-possessed umbrellas. They put up a pretty good fight, considering they were umbrellas.

3. Magic
I've read a few reviews of the game that say mages are underpowered. The people who say that obviously didn't stick around with the class, and I understand why. When you first start out, mages are underpowered. The thing is, when you level up your skills, you actually become better at being a mage. Pretty crazy, no? I wrote down what my mage typically does in battle, and it sounded like the insane rantings of a hyperventilating child.

That said, here's what my mage typically does in battle: He summons three death knights, and before they rush in to attack the bad guys he casts Eye for an Eye on them, which returns 380 percent of damage dealt to each death knight back to the bad guy. Then he runs around and backstabs enemies while they freak out and try to determine which death knight they should attack first. It is hilarious and satisfying.

Is Two Worlds II a perfect game? AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Is it fun and rewarding for people who take the time to settle in with it and learn how to play? Heck yeah.

Remember Pac-Man 2? No? Then Check It Out

Jeff Cork — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 16:25:00 GMT

When I was eight, my dad got me a handheld version of Pac-Man. This was amazing for a few reasons. First, it was 1981, and the world was still firmly in the grip of Pac-Man fever. The idea that I'd be able to play Pac-Man whenever I wanted was a pretty incredible idea--even if it wasn't exactly arcade perfect (more on that in a bit). Finally, my dad wasn't exactly a gamer. He's always kind of hated video games, but he knew that I was infatuated with them. So he got me PacMan2.

PacMan2 was manufactured by Entex Electronics and given a slightly misleading name. This was their first foray into handheld Pac-Man games, and as far as I can tell the "2" is in reference to the game's novel two-player mode. Here's a little snippet from the game's instruction manual to set the tone:

PacMan2 is a two color game of strategy, tactical pursuit and destruction pitting PacMan against the large evil Ghost. To make life more difficult for PacMan, the large Ghosts have also adopted the green color. The 89 stationary Bugs are red and the 4 Power Energizers are green.

The object of PacMan2 is for PacMan to attain as high a score as possible by capturing and destroying Ghosts, Bugs and Energizers without being himself destroyed by the Ghosts. Many different tactical maneuvering variations are possible in this game where PacMan is maneuvered with the directional buttons on the ENTEX label control panel. In the 2-PLAYER mode the second player directs the Ghosts with the opposite control panel directional buttons. When playing the 1-PLAYER game, the computer automatically controls and maneuvers the number of selected Ghosts pursuing PacMan. The SCORE display and the GAME STATUS display provide a constant read-out of PacMan’s performance.

This is the back of the unit. It requires four C batteries. Maybe I'm using the term "handheld" a little liberally, because it will likely cause carpal tunnel syndrome if you try to hold it like a DS.

Here's a closer look at the instruction card. And my carpet. The MUTE function is definitely appreciated, since this thing sounds like a screechy mess.

All right. Here's the game. You may want to tilt your head to the left to get the full effect. Single player is a pretty faithful adaptation of the actual game. There are a couple of difficulty modes, and the ghosts put up a pretty decent chase. I've read up a bit on the game lately, and the general consensus seems to be that it has the biggest maze available outside of the arcades at the time. It's not 100 percent perfect, but it was definitely good enough for my eight-year-old self. I played this thing obsessively.

The two-player mode is probably the most interesting part, though. In this mode, there's only one ghost, who is controlled by a second player. The rules are the same, though, and Pac-Man...sorry, PacMan has a distinct advantage. My little brother was usually my victim of choice growing up. Let's just say PacMan was well fed when we played together.

Like I said, I played this game like a maniac for a few months after I got it. Then tragedy struck. One night, I dropped it off the top bunk of my bed. After that, the single-player mode stopped working altogether. I could still play the two-player game, but nobody in my house wanted to play it as much as I did. Lame. Eventually I sold it in a garage sale.

Flash forward a few decades. Guess what I got for my birthday this year from my dad? My parents have discovered eBay (old people), and this was one of their first finds. My dad still doesn't like video games, but he's still kind of an awesome guy. And even if my wife doesn't want to play with me, I can play the single-player mode again until my fingers fall off.

So there you have it. PacMan2. I'll dig around my house and show off some other weird stuff soon--there's a lot more where this came from.

Save Our Helicopters: A Plea To Developers

Jeff Cork — Tue, 18 May 2010 19:32:00 GMT

Helicopters are one of the most fragile of man’s creations, second only to red barrels. At least, that’s what video games would have us believe. I’ve been on a gaming spree lately, playing good stuff (Splinter Cell: Conviction), not so good stuff (Secret Service), and some in-between stuff (Gears of War 2). I couldn’t help but notice that in the past month, I’ve played no less than six games that have had a variation on the following scene:

EXT. WAR TORN CITY – DAY

An urban area surrounded by smoldering buildings and blackened automobile shells.

OUR HERO walks toward a parking lot, surveying the damage. Smoke pours out of gutted concrete buildings. Bodies and broken glass are strewn around in ruined clusters.

His comm unit crackles to life as the HELICOPTER PILOT starts speaking.

HELICOPTER PILOT
(excitedly)
Man, it’s good to see you made it through this alive! I’m going to set this bird down and haul your sorry ass to safety!

OUR HERO
You’re glad I made it through this alive? I’ve saved your tail many times I’ve lost count.

HELICOPTER PILOT
Yeah yeah. I’ll be sure to buy you a drink as soon as we make it back to command.

OUR HERO
Ahahahah!
The helicopter begins to descend onto the pavement. Suddenly a rocket screams toward the helicopter. The helicopter abruptly lifts up, spinning wildly.

HELICOPTER PILOT
Oh no! Mayday! Mayday! Hostile fire! Repeat! Oh no! The zone is hot!

OUR HERO
***!

The helicopter whirls away from the parking lot, smashing into a nearby building. It explodes in a massive cloud of flame. Looking at the contrail from the rocket, OUR HERO sees the assailant, a TERRORIST/ALIEN/INSURGENT/BAD GUY/REBEL/HOSTILE/RENEGADE SCIENTIST with a missile launcher.

OUR HERO
RAAAR!

Whenever I see a helicopter now, I assume that it will be shot at by a rocket. At that point, I know that it will either be knocked out of the sky or scared off by incoming fire.
Game developers: cut it out.

[UPDATE] Pitchford Reacts To Ryckert Hacking Scandal, 50-Day Suspension

Jeff Cork — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 17:17:00 GMT

The Game Informer offices are reeling from the discovery that associate editor Dan Ryckert has fabricated some, if not all, of his Gamerscore. Ryckert’s insatiable hunger was well documented, though even his harshest critics say they didn’t think he would stoop to this level.

The discovery was made when executive editor Andrew Reiner noticed odd activity on Ryckert’s gamer card. It seems April 18 was a busy day for Ryckert. The Kansas native acquired the maximum 1,550 achievement points for the PC version of Fallout 3 and its DLC in the span of approximately 90 seconds. Sensing a scandal, Reiner investigated the situation and learned that this feat was only possible through the use of performance-enhancing cheat codes.

“I really feel like this puts a black eye on achievements, like the Barry Bonds scandal in Major League Baseball,” said senior editor Matt Helgeson. “It calls into question the very concept of achievements.”

Arcade legend AAA says this is yet another example of how achievements have diluted the gaming experience. “This entire generation of high scores should be marked with an asterix,” he said.

Commissioner of Check-In Jeff Cork says he's not
mad at Ryckert, just surprised and disappointed.

Commissioner of Vault Check-In, Jeff Cork, has instituted a 50-day suspension on Ryckert’s vault access. That means that Ryckert won’t be able to check out games from the Game Informer library, including desirable new releases Splinter Cell: Conviction and the upcoming Red Dead Redemption. A second violation will incur a 100-day suspension, with a third offense resulting in a permanent ban from the vault.

“It wasn’t an easy decision, but it needed to be made,” said Cork from his immaculately clean office. “A person who is willing to resort to these flagrantly pathetic methods needs a cooling off period. We hope he will use this time to better himself and to examine his life priorities.”

Even without cheating, Cork’s Gamerscore is 939 points higher than Ryckert’s.

Dan has said that he is sorry, though an anonymous source tells us that he is more concerned about continuing to pad his score than actually making amends. When told that he could continue playing new releases by buying games at a store, Ryckert mumbled some nonsense about being broke. He also claimed that 86,000 points of his Gamerscore were legitimately earned—something that can be refuted through simple arithmetic.

[UPDATE]

Gearbox Software co-founder, president and CEO Randy Pitchford reacted to the scandal with an appropriate level of disgust. "Playing a kiddie game or using an on-line walkthrough are all fair game for achievement hunters," said Pitchford. "But boosting through exploits in the PC versions of games? Wow... That's, like, shameful. I'm sickened, Dan, just sickened.

"I'm lighting a torch and joining the angry mob outside the Game Informer Office until this scandal is settled," he added. "I am changing my name from Pitchford to Pitchfork until justice is served."

Strong words, indeed.