GIDan Blog

Watch Me Make My Dad Play More Games He'll Hate

Dan Ryckert — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:13:00 GMT

Last year, I tried a little experiment when my dad visited me in Minneapolis. He never really understood why I love video games as much as I do, so I sat him down and recorded him playing five games. As expected, he hated Heavy Rain, was frightened by Katamari Damacy, and generally hated every second of the experience. He just left from his annual trip to Minneapolis, but I wasn't about to let him fly back to Kansas City without playing another handful of games that he'll hate.

Batman: Arkham City - To start this year's gauntlet, I picked one of the two titles that we awarded a perfect 10 to in 2011.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Muscle March - I didn't want to scare Dad off with anything too artsy or weird right away, so I saved this absurd WiiWare title for second.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Portal - Since my Dad has trouble comprehending any video game, I assumed he wouldn't understand a single thing about Portal. I was right.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Limbo - This was a crap shoot. It features controls that are simple enough for him to understand, but an art style that I was afraid he'd refer to as "tippy-toe crap." Can he look past the semi-artsy visuals to enjoy the gameplay?

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Bioshock - Irrational Games released one of the most fascinating titles of this generation back in 2007. Will my dad appreciate any part of its explosive beginning?

(Please visit the site to view this media)

WWE All-Stars - If you want to hear me try to explain to my dad why I like wrestling for the better part of ten minutes, this is the video for you. If not, move right along to the next one.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Mario Kart Wii - My dad is a sport for putting up with the other games I subject him to, so I decided to give him a little break with a game he actually likes.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Resident Evil - The fatigue really starts setting in by this point, as evidenced by my dad constantly resting his face on the microphone. Can he get past the first zombie?

(Please visit the site to view this media)

In the end, his reactions to these games were basically exactly what I expected. If you'd like to hear more of his thoughts without having to wait for next year's visit, you can follow him on Twitter.

We Can't Stop Playing This Crazy Ball Maze Thing

Dan Ryckert — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:15:00 GMT

I sit next to Bryan Vore, and there's a reason he's heard the sound of metal balls rolling across plastic for most of his work days this year. A little before Christmas, I saw this crazy ball maze game at a mall, and immediately sent my mom a picture of it as an idea for a Christmas present. The holidays rolled around, and I opened up the Perplexus Epic. I knew that I'd get consumed with the game, but didn't know if other members of the GI staff would share my enthusiasm. A couple months and two more Perplexus purchases later, and we're still only halfway through the Epic.

Playing it yourself is the best way to understand what the Perplexus games are, but I'll try to explain the best I can. Each of the three models (the Rookie, the Original, and the Epic) is a clear plastic ball with some crazy Rube Goldberg-esque crap going on inside of it. They all have a starting position, and you begin the game by rolling a small metal ball into it. By following a series of numbered paths, you'll navigate through perilous see-saws, funnels, ramps, the "Escher Stairs", and much more as you attempt to reach the end without falling. Depending on the model you have, that means you'll have to reach stage 75, 100, or 125. A few of us have become consumed with this task (namely myself, Jeff Marchiafava, Ben Reeves, and Matthew Kato), but almost everyone has stopped by my desk to give it a quick try. Because of this, I started keeping tally of everyone's top scores.

Jeff Marchiafava, Ben Reeves, and myself have completed the Rookie, and you can see the scores for the other two above. Marchiafava stands as the only staff member to complete the Original, although I'm getting close. I'm constantly hearing the ball roll around the Epic behind me, as it's quickly becoming Jeff's Moby Dick. He's probably attempted it 100 times by now, and he still isn't halfway done (still farther than any of us, though).

It's amazing how quickly you learn the numbers and difficulty level of each step. I've heard it so much that I can recognize some of them by sound alone ("Ooh, that sounds like 18, the Bumpy Bridge"). As gamers, maybe there's some part of our brain that can't shake this challenge until we defeat it.

It doesn't look like we'll be beating the daunting Epic any time soon, but I think there's only one thing that can satisfy Jeff's Perplexus-lust once that day finally arrives...

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Watch Me Run The Dumbest Quarter Mile Of My Life

Dan Ryckert — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 05:07:00 GMT

Ever since I moved to Minneapolis a couple of years ago to work for Game Informer, my sisters and I have started a bit of a tradition. Every time I come home to visit, we wind up in a bet based around a round of bowling. This originally resulted in tame consequences like getting hit with pies or eating spoonfuls of cinnamon, but eventually graduated into more undesirable acts like vomiting a gallon of milk or drinking a smoothie from hell. The girls eventually wised up and realized that I keep beating them at bowling, so they switched up the bet this time and focused it around go-karting. They beat me, so it was my turn this holiday break to do something stupid.

I was forced to run a quarter mile after my sisters were allowed to attach any stupid stuff they could find to my person. Considering I'm not in great shape while wearing appropriate workout clothing, the addition of milk cartons, shoe boxes, snowball slingshots, and much more assorted crap (including an incident that almost cost me my vision) definitely didn't help. You can watch the stupid result of our bet below.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

I Regret Buying Kinect

Dan Ryckert — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 22:00:00 GMT

Like many gamers, I was skeptical when I saw the first concept video of Kinect. Adults and children were shown playing trivia games together, fixing busted tires at pit stops, scanning their real-life skateboard into a video game, and pretending to be a kung-fu master or Godzilla. I was initially skeptical of the peripheral, doubting it would work as advertised. My skepticism grew as the marketing campaign pushed forward, with Kudo Tsunoda knocking virtual balls back and forth everywhere from E3 to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. These demos started resembling gimmicky motion-based Wii minigames more and more, and I set my sights low for Kinect.

As the peripheral's launch inched closer, the ad campaign heated up even more and made it apparent that Microsoft was putting the company's full weight behind it. When we received our first Kinect unit here at Game Informer, I walked in to the conference room to watch Bryan play Kinect Sports. He went into multiplayer so I could give it a shot, and I was surprised to find myself actually having fun. It wasn't perfect, but it reminded me of the same goofy fun I had with Wii Sports back in 2006. I spent some more time with the unit, playing with the voice recognition features and menu navigation. My attitude towards the device turned from skepticism to cautious optimism, and I eventually decided to pre-order Kinect so I could have one at launch.

For the last several console generations, I've bought every system at launch. It didn't matter to me that the launch line-ups of the DS, PSP, PS3, 3DS, and other consoles didn't scream "must-have" to me; I had to have access to the newest games, and nothing else mattered. I never bought Microsoft's line about treating Kinect's release like a console launch, but the thought was the same -- If I didn't have Kinect, I couldn't play the latest games. Because of this, I made the drive to Gamestop last November and bought it on day one.

As was the case with so many console launches, the initial software lineup didn't really appeal to me. Dance Central was a sure thing thanks to the positive buzz and the Harmonix name, even though I'm not much of a dancer. Outside of that, I was begging for a reason to buy anything else. Kinectimals is clearly aimed at a younger demographic, but I picked it up based on the mostly-positive reviews. I also liked the idea of working out at home in an effort to avoid the Minnesota winter, so I picked up The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout. Of those three, the only one I was even remotely impressed by was Dance Central. Kinectimals didn't feel like much of a game, and The Biggest Loser flat-out didn't work. Within a week or two, I had traded in both titles. Dance Central got played a bit more, usually for a song or two after the bars with my friends.

With only one (sparingly-played) game in my Kinect collection, I tried to justify my purchase by playing around with its other features. I tried navigating menus without a controller and managing my DVD playback with my voice, but neither option seemed as responsive to me as the tried-and-true fashion. Signing in to my profile by having Kinect recognize me on sight has yet to work once. You were supposed to be able to stand in front of your TV when your Xbox turns on, and have Kinect sign you in appropriately. I've done all of the calibration, lighting adjustments, and other tweaks that are recommended, and this has literally never worked.

Time went on, and the Kinect release schedule hit a major dry spot. I looked for any reason to even have my Kinect plugged into my Xbox, and couldn't find one. Titles weren't getting released, and technical issues weren't being addressed via updates. At E3 this year, Microsoft announced Kinect Fun Labs, a free download that was specifically designed to highlight the device's strong points. I downloaded it and tried to give objects googly eyes and do other assorted nonsense. Once again, nothing worked as advertised.

Still holding on for some reason to justify my almost year-old purchase, I tried The Gunstringer and Child of Eden. While I appreciated the trademark Twisted Pixel sense of humor in the former and didn't entirely hate the latter, I felt neither game was worthy of the asking price or more than an hour or two of my time. Releasing these games around the $50 price point is one of my main gripes with Kinect. Like many gamers, I operate on a limited budget. I can't afford to buy everything that comes out, and what expendable income I do have goes towards big guns like Skyrim, Portal 2, and Zelda. If I can get hundreds of hours of enjoyment out of a $60 purchase like Skyrim, I can't justify spending $50 to wave my arms around or make pistol motions with my hand.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Recently, Microsoft launched a "Kinect For Core" campaign to cater towards hardcore gamers. I look at that trailer above, and see nothing that caters to the core crowd. The Gunstringer isn't core because it has guns, Child of Eden isn't core because it's abstract and artsy, Forza may be core but certainly not because of Kinect integration, Rise of Nightmares isn't core because it's violent, and there sure as hell isn't anything core about flailing your arms to chop watermelons in half. I'm not saying this because I'm a gaming elitist with strict definitions of "hardcore" and "casual" gamers, I just recognize a desperate campaign when I see one. Kinect is derided by longtime gamers because of its casual nature, and Microsoft is trying to pander to them with a "Kinect For Core" message that no one is buying.

Microsoft's presentation at E3 this year focused on Kinect's utilization in unquestionably core games like Mass Effect 3 and Ghost Recon: Future Soldier. Ordering squad members around in ME3 via voice commands sounds far less gimmicky than most Kinect integration, but the Gunsmith system in Future Soldier looked unnecessary. That's the problem...yelling at Garrus or checking out gun attachments with Kinect may be novel at first, but is it really a better option than doing the same thing with a controller?

Perhaps my recent frustration with Kinect has something to do with my time reviewing atrocities like Hulk Hogan's Main Event and Blackwater. However, it doesn't change the fact that my personal Kinect has sat almost completely unused since around this time last year. If it weren't for my time working on Kinect games for Game Informer, I would have spent about two hours this year using it in my free time (about an hour each for The Gunstringer and Child of Eden). Despite my grievances, I haven't traded it in yet. I still hold out hope that Microsoft can do something worthwhile with this thing. I had similar complaints about the first year of owning a DS, and it went on to become my favorite portable system of all time. There really is some impressive technology going into Kinect, I just wish developers would find some way to utilize it in a creative and (most of all) fun fashion. Until then, it'll be hanging out in a drawer with my Move controllers.

Watch Me Crash The Skyrim Launch In A Professor Genki Suit

Dan Ryckert — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:00:00 GMT

Last month, I flew out to California to visit Obsidian and write our South Park cover story. THQ is publishing that game, and I learned that their PR rep Neal had been crashing midnight game launches in the Professor Genki suit from Saints Row: The Third. He happened to have the suit in his car during the trip, and asked if I'd be interested in donning the cape, stunt suit, and oversized head for the Skyrim launch. I've long been a fan of making an ass out of myself, so I said I'd be there with bells on.

You can take a look at the result below, which involves me crotch-chopping a healthy amount of eager RPG fans.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Think You've Got Too Many Games To Play In 2011? Try 2001.

Dan Ryckert — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

All of us gamers are insanely busy right now, dedicating whatever free time we have to our pursuits in Skyrim and Arkham City, or leveling up our characters in one of the season's big shooters. It seems like we've been hit by an avalanche of great titles in the past few months, but as I thought back, I realized that 2011 isn't an anomaly. I think back to working at Gamestop in 2001, and selling countless copies of titles like Grand Theft Auto III and Metal Gear Solid 2, along with the big launches of the Gamecube and Xbox. With all the fervor over this holiday's games, I decided to take a look back and compare this year's lineup with the one from a decade ago.

2011

Release Date - Title (GI score)

September 6 - Dead Island (8.5)
September 6 - Driver: San Francisco (8)
September 6 - Resistance 3 (7)
September 20 - Gears of War 3 (9.5)
October 4 - Dark Souls (8.75)
October 4 - Rage (9)
October 18 - Batman: Arkham City (10)
October 18 - Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One (8.75)
October 24 - Kirby's Return To Dream Land (8.5)
October 25 - Battlefield 3 (9.5)
November 1 - Uncharted 3 (9.5)
November 8 - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (9)
November 11 - Elder Scrolls V - Skyrim (9.5)
November 13 - Super Mario 3D Land (9.5)
November 15 - Assassin's Creed: Revelations (8.75)
November 15 - Rayman Origins (8.5)
November 15 - Saints Row: The Third (9)
November 20 - The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (10)
December 4 - Mario Kart 7 (TBA)
December 20 - Star Wars: The Old Republic (TBA)

2001

Release Date - Title (GI score)

September 9 - Advance Wars (9.25)
September 24 - Silent Hill 2 (7)
September 30 - Ico (9)
October 17 - Devil May Cry (9.5)
October 22 - Grand Theft Auto III (9.5)
October 28 - Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 (9.75)
November 5 - SSX Tricky (9)
November 9 - Project Gotham Racing (8.5)
November 11 - Golden Sun (8.5)
November 14 - Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (10)
November 15 - Halo (9.5)
November 17 - Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader (9.5)
December 3 - Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance (8.75)
December 3 - Pikmin (9.25)
December 3 - Super Smash Bros. Melee (9.25)
December 4 - Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy (9.25)
December 6 - Max Payne (7.75)
December 17 - Luigi's Mansion (9)
December 20 - Final Fantasy X (9.75)

After seeing the lineup for each year, which do you think comes out on top? Are we experiencing the biggest holiday lineup in 2011, or did 2001 (or another year) come out on top?

My Ten Favorite Mario Power-Ups

Dan Ryckert — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I've spent plenty of time discussing my love for the Mario series in articles and on Replay, and playing through Super Mario 3D Land brought back lots of great memories. Nintendo fans are thrilled about the game's inclusion of the classic Tanooki suit, so I put together my ten favorite Mario power-ups in honor of its return.

10. Wing Cap

If you saw our Replay of Super Mario 64, you'll remember that I was the only one defending the wing cap. While the other guys on that episode seemed to have issues with the control, I thought flying over the Mushroom Kingdom in 3D for the first time was a great experience. You never really did much other than soar around and collect coins, but it was fun while it lasted.

9. Boomerang Suit

Super Mario 3D Land isn't all about nostalgia and fan service, as it introduces some new suits to the mix. My favorite of the new power-ups was the boomerang suit, which you can acquire from a boomerang flower or the occasional Hammer Brother. The blue projectile works great for taking out enemies, and you can even hop over its return trip if you want to whip it around like that sweet throwing star in Ninja Gaiden.

8. Invincibility Star

One of the few power-ups with its own (unmistakable) theme song, the invincibility star is a staple of the Mario series. Outside of an awesome somersault jump in Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario 3D Land, it doesn't change the way Mario moves at all. Instead, it simply makes him unstoppable. Sprinting through crowds of Goombas is fun, but my favorite levels were the ones from SMB 3 that required you to collect successive stars so you could cross over those chompy flower jerks.

Don't Take Tim Turi To An Outback Steakhouse In Japan

Dan Ryckert — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 20:17:00 GMT

Outside of a trip to England, I had never traveled outside of the country until this last week. That’s why I was thrilled to learn that Tim Turi and I would be going to Japan for the Tokyo Game Show. I was excited about experiencing such a radically different culture, especially when it came to culinary options. To say my diet in America is limited would be generous, as I exist on a diet of frozen pizzas, macaroni & cheese, and peanut butter sandwiches. I knew things would be substantially different in Japan, and I told myself that I’d be willing to try any and all food options available to me. For the first several days, we ate miso ramen, curry, sushi, and other Japanese favorites. Then Tim Turi saw an Outback Steakhouse and LOST HIS ****ING MIND.

I knew Tim’s previous job before Game Informer was waiting tables at an Outback in Roseville, Minnesota for eight years, but I had no idea how much of the restaurant’s Bloomin’ Onion sauce was running through his veins. We were walking around Shibuya when he spotted it at the end of the street, and immediately flipped out and started taking pictures of it.

It’s understandable that seeing a Japanese version of his former employer would be an interesting novelty, but it went much, much further than that for Tim. His reaction upon entering the restaurant would have been appropriate if he had discovered an exact replica of his childhood home, complete with Japanese versions of his parents and favorite toys.

There wasn’t a single item in that place that he didn’t go crazy about. “Oh my god…this is the exact same linen we use for our napkins! Oh wow, the menu is pretty different here…that’s insane! The bread is spot-on! Wait…they have nachos here?!? I want to work a shift here!”. He must have looked like an insane person as he took pictures of everything and recorded a video of the wait staff singing “Happy Birthday” to a kid.

Seriously, look at his face in the above picture. That’s not a “hey, look crazy while you stare at waiters’ uniform colors” type of thing, that’s a totally candid shot of him soaking the place in. I’ve seen Tim geek out about a lot of things over the last couple of years. He’s obsessed over the special stage music from Sonic Colors, was thrilled to interview Shigeru Miyamoto, and was blown away by the ending of Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, but I’ve never seen him this hyper and worked-up over anything. If I ever win the lottery, I hope I can muster half the excitement Tim Turi displayed over a ****ing Outback Steakhouse.

Ten Tips To Better Your Jetpack Joyride Score

Dan Ryckert — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 04:24:00 GMT

Like many iPhone owners, much of my last week has been spent nervously steering a certain Barry Steakfries away from certain death. Jetpack Joyride released recently on iOS, and my in-game clock is quickly approaching 10 hours. Considering it rang up at 99 cents, I can confidently state that I’ve gotten my money’s worth out of the title (and I have no plans on ending my time with the game any time soon).

I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at the game, but the sheer amount of time I’ve spent with it has taught me a few things so far. I’ve played 245 games, killed 5,724 scientists, collected 98,075 coins, and flown a grand total of 430,777 meters. My personal best is 6,313 meters, placing me in 585th place out of 261,862 players. Like I said, I’ve got a ways to go but I’ve learned a few helpful hints so far. Below, you’ll find some tips that have helped me out.

1. Turn the music off. Jetpack Joyride is a manic, stressful game on its own. The fast-paced soundtrack can be distracting as well as annoying if you’re going to be playing for a while. Plus, turning the music off will give you a better sense of when spin tokens and lasers are coming up thanks to their sound effects.

2. Consider purchasing coins. I know purchasing in-game currency probably sounds like heresy to many gamers, but this is one instance in which I think it’s justified. Stocking up on enough coins to purchase Quick Revives and Final Blasts will take you forever otherwise, and you can purchase the game along with 250,000 coins for less than it would cost you to get a combo meal at McDonald’s. For a game with as much replay value as this, I’d say it’s a perfectly fair asking price. Once you’ve received your coin bonus, use your newfound wealth to stock up on Head Starts, Final Blasts, and Quick Revives. Buy the vehicle magnets as well, but avoid cosmetic purchases like new costumes, jetpacks, or gold vehicles.

3. Use Head Starts every time. While those first 750 meters aren’t difficult, they eat up time. Blasting through the easy beginning portions of a run will save you a ton of time, and a five-pack of Head Starts is only 3,000 coins. While boosting, you can raise and lower your jetpack with taps to try to collect coins as you go.

4. Only use Quick Revives if you have a real chance of beating your score. With a score over 6,000 meters, I only consider using one if I’m past 4,000 meters. Considering how expensive they are, you can’t be using them each time you’re halfway to your high score. Make sure you have at least one on you at all times so you’re prepared once you’re having that awesome run.

5. If you’re within a few hundred meters of your high score, use a Final Blast. It seems that these blasts typically send Barry another 300 meters or so, so they can make the difference if you bite the dust a little shy of your previous best. Like the Quick Revives, make sure you have one on you at all times.

6. Go out of your way to get Spin Tokens and vehicles, but don’t kill yourself in the process. A lucky Spin Token can make all the difference if a Second Chance or Atom Blast pops up when you’re within striking distance of your high score. When you see these, make a point of collecting them. However, don’t drastically change your course if it means you’re at risk of getting hit by a laser or missile. You can get a little more daring when going for vehicles, because you’ll deactivate nearby obstacles if you get close enough to collect one.

7. Use tiny taps when using the Bad As Hog. It’s a ground-based vehicle, so the only threats you’ll encounter are low lasers and missiles. Instead of flinging yourself high in the air only to find yourself landing on a laser, jump just high enough to clear the obstacle. They’ll come fast, so keep your tap lengths short.

8. Focus on missions. None of them are crazy-difficult, and you’ll rake in the coins as you advance through the levels. Most are objectives that you’ll get without even meaning to (have X number of near misses, travel X distance in total, etc), but you’ll have to go a little out of your way for others (finish between 500 and 550 meters, high-five 15 scientists in one game, etc). Don’t waste Head Starts on mission runs, as the early portion of a run is the easiest time to brush past lights, high-five scientists, or rub your head against the roof of the level.

9. Tap in the upper-left portion of the screen. Not only is this a fairly out-of-the-way location, but it covers the score. If you’re playing the game a lot, you know how stressful it can get as you approach your personal best. This can help keep your mind off your distance while simultaneously keeping your finger out of the way.

10. Make fun of Ben Hanson if you beat his score. Seriously, it eats at this guy’s soul. After beating his score of 4,639 on Saturday, he genuinely informed me that I had “ruined his weekend.” So be sure to let him know on his profile, his Twitter account, or via email if you happen to top his mediocre best.

How Game Of Thrones Is Cast In My Stupid Head

Dan Ryckert — Mon, 09 May 2011 21:23:00 GMT

I've never been a big reader of fiction, but I decided to start giving it more of a shot recently. While trying to decide where to start, I heard a ton of hype around the office regarding Game of Thrones. I was hesitant considering my general dislike of the fantasy genre (couldn't even finish the first Lord of the Rings book), but the fact that HBO picked it up for a series eased my concerns. Some of my favorite shows ever aired on HBO, so I have faith in their ability to pick good source material.

Problem is, most of the fiction reading I've done in the past (Fight Club, A Clockwork Orange, Jurassic Park, etc) occurred after I had already seen the film version. I never got to picture new characters in my head, because I already had their actor counterparts filling that role. With little to no practice doing this, I had to visualize my own actors while reading Game of Thrones. As you can see below, many of my choices were a little questionable. Keep in mind that I'm not claiming this to be a good cast. I don't recommend these picks, they're just the ones that popped into my head when I read their descriptions.

Robert Baratheon is played by Jake "the Snake" Roberts

Martin describes Robert as a once-mighty warrior who became an overindulgent eater and frequent drunk as he advanced in life. What better choice than the once-talented Jake Roberts, who would turn into a severe drug addict and fat guy as he grew older?

Tyrion Lannister is played by Hornswoggle

Look, there are only a few options that come to my mind when I think of midget entertainers. You've got Verne Troyer, Peter Dinklage, and WWE's Hornswoggle. I didn't know Dinklage was actually cast as Tyrion when I started reading, but I'm familiar with his work and I think he's great. Even knowing that, my dumb brain went straight to WWE's rascally leprechaun.

Jamie Lannister is played by Mark Pellegrino

One of my few picks that might not be completely laughable. This dude played Jacob on Lost, Rita's sleazy ex-husband on Dexter, and one of the dudes responsible for the rug-peeing incident in The Big Lebowski.

Cersei Lannister is played by (name omitted)

My pick for Cersei is an "actress" known for working in films for people over the age of 18. That's why you don't see a picture or a name on this entry.

Khal Drogo is played by The Great Khali

The fierce Dothraki leader is described as a massive warrior, so I went right to WWE's tallest superstar. Plus, Khali is really close to Khal, so I didn't have to think too hard when his name popped up.

Daenerys Targaryen is played by That Chick From The New Transformers Movie

I don't know anything about this girl. The only reason I know she exists is because I heard Miller say that Megan Fox was getting replaced in the new Transformers movie. I ran to Google Image Search to make sure she was hot, and it turns out she's pretty hot. Then I read about Daenerys being skinny and blonde, resulting in my pick.

Viserys Targaryen is played by Jason Schwartzman

Another of the few not-totally-insane picks. No real reason here, I just thought Schwartzman could pull the character off if he had blond hair.

Ser Rodrik is played by The Bearded Other From Lost

I know he eventually lost the beard and got a real name in Lost, but that picture above is all I saw after Martin described Rodrik as having long grey whiskers.

Renly Baratheon is played by Ravishing Rick Rude

If I'm gonna have a wrestler portray Robert, I've gotta have a fellow wrestler from the same era play his brother.

Tywin Lannister is played by Pete Postlethwaite

I actually think this would be a pretty awesome pick if Pete hadn't died this year.

"The Spider" Varys is played by Frank DeCaro

The only reason you'd know this dude is if you used to watch him review movies on The Daily Show about ten years ago. For some reason, he's the first guy to pop into my mind when Martin described Varys as fat and bald.

Walder Frey is played by Don Rickles

Frey is described as an old bald guy, and he talks a lot. Rickles fits this criteria, and more Don Rickles is never a bad thing.

Gregor Clegane aka "The Mountain That Rides" is played by The Big Show

Every Maester, Septon, Or Old Dude With A Beard is played by The Dude From The Cover Of The Giver

The Top Ten Mario Games Of All Time

Dan Ryckert — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 19:49:00 GMT

There's a good reason why Mario is the most recognizable face in the history of the gaming industry. His core titles have been, without exception, fantastic gaming experiences and pure platforming bliss. While the plumber has seen missteps in spin-off series like Mario Party, Mario Sports Mix, and his Olympic romps with former rival Sonic, the core series is as close to perfection as we've seen in a long-running franchise. With this blog, I'm inviting plenty of debate in the comments about how it should be ordered. Some gamers hate Super Mario Sunshine, others will passionately debate whether Super Mario Bros. 3 or World is better, and others will trash Super Mario Bros. 2 for not being a "real" entry. Regardless of what your personal choices may be, here are my picks for the ten best Mario titles of all time. I'm not weighing factors such as historical importance...these are ranked strictly on fun factor. Debate away.

10. Super Mario Bros. (NES, 1985)

With the introduction of series mainstays like the fire flower and mushroom, the iconic music and sound effects, and its challenging-yet-rewarding gameplay, the first Super Mario Bros. laid a foundation that still has an impact in 2011. Every Mario game ever owes its existence to the great platformer that Shigeru Miyamoto presented to gamers in 1985, and it still plays well today. It may not feature all the bells and whistles of later titles, but its rock-solid controls and level variety make it more than just a nostalgia act.

9. Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES, 1988)

Out of the ten games on this list, this is the only one that doesn't feature the traditional "jump on that thing's head to kill it" gameplay. The reasons for this dramatic departure are well known, but that doesn't make it stick out any less. By giving gamers access to four characters with wildly different play styles, relying on an odd vegetable-throwing mechanic, and omitting familiar enemies from the first Super Mario Bros., Nintendo certainly ran a risk with this sequel. This risk paid off, as Super Mario Bros. 2 proved to be a fantastic title that plays better than the legendary original.

8. New Super Mario Bros. (DS, 2006)

This DS title released over a decade after the last proper 2D entry, and it proved that Nintendo hadn't missed a beat. New power-ups like the Mega Mushroom and blue Koopa shell felt natural in this familiar environment, and the game controlled like second nature to longtime fans. Its 80 stages presented classic gameplay without relying on touchscreen gimmicks, making the game seem like a natural successor to the series' SNES entries. With nearly 20 million units sold, this return to form was an undeniable success. Lifelong Nintendo fans loved it, but (more importantly) it simultaneously introduced an entirely new generation to the joys of 2D Mario.

Read on to see where Mario's 3D debut ranks among his best games.

Watch Me Make My Dad Play Games He'll Hate

Dan Ryckert — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 23:56:00 GMT

Many of you know the frustration of having parents that don't really understand gaming culture. If you follow my Twitter account, you've probably already heard many of my dad's musings about video games and what I do for a living. While he's a very smart guy, virtually everything about the video game industry (and technology in general) frightens and confuses him. He flew up to Minneapolis recently to visit me, so I decided to take him to the office and record a Replay of sorts with him. We played five games, and he predictably hated all of them. Watch below to hear his pain.

Dead Space 2 - In this first video, I make the mistake of telling him we'll move onto the next game once he dies. I didn't realize that it would take him ten minutes to get through each room, so this turns into one of the longest 45 minutes of my life.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Katamari Forever - If normal games scare him, I assumed Katamari would be an absolute nightmare. He ends up hating it just as much as I expected in this short session with the game.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Bayonetta - He says that the only way a game could grab him right away is if it featured "a lot of nudity." Since Bayonetta shows some skin, will he find a way to enjoy such a ridiculous game? (Spoiler: no)

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Heavy Rain - I thought that his biggest issue with this game would be the control scheme. Turns out he just really doesn't want to see Ethan naked.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

God of War III - This one was a crap shoot. I tried to get him into the first God of War a few months ago and he despised it. Will he find something to like about Kratos' epic PS3 debut?

(Please visit the site to view this media)

What Happened To Cheat Codes?

Dan Ryckert — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 21:28:00 GMT

I started thinking recently about how I can't remember virtually anything taught to me in college, but I have the blood codes for the Genesis versions of Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat II permanently etched into my brain (Down up left left A right down and A B A C A B B, in case you were wondering). My entire gaming experience throughout childhood and adolescence involved cheat codes. If my mom was going to the grocery store, I'd bring a spiral notebook and sit down on the floor of the magazine section, jotting down every secret I could find for Vectorman or whatever game I was playing at the time.

In sixth grade, our teacher made a huge deal about this new thing called the "internet" that our computers had access to. I sat down at the PC as he explained what a search engine was, and my first thought wasn't about the internet's possible implications for social purposes, instant news access, shopping, etc. It was "I am typing in 'Earthworm Jim 2 codes' into this box and if it works, this is the greatest invention ever." It worked, and it was the best thing ever. It also meant that calling a 900 line to unlock Smoke in Mortal Kombat 3 was a thing of the past.

Games were awesome on their own merits back then, but it was still fun to punch the Skywalker and Infinite Hammer Bros. Costume codes into Super Mario Bros. 3's Game Genie menu and go nuts. Some were funny (turning Command & Conquer's ore into people by typing in "SOYLENTGREEN"), some were helpful (the Contra code), some were cosmetic (blood in Mortal Kombat), and some were non-existent (the nude code in Tomb Raider). In almost all cases, they extended the replay value of your games and gave you a new way to play them.

At some point the interest in codes dropped off. I don't think it's just me, as you rarely hear people asking about codes or starting websites dedicated to them anymore. One possibility is that the rewards that were previously accessed via a code are now typically unlocked by performing in-game tasks. The first game that I remember doing this well was Goldeneye. Instead of punching in a 16-button sequence to become invisible, you'd have to perform some insane in-game task like beating the Archives on 00 Agent in a little over a minute. Goofier cheats like DK Mode were easier to access, but you'd have to really know the game if you wanted to get to the good stuff. Metal Gear Solid was also from this era, and you wouldn't be getting that infinite-ammo bandanna or stealth camo without first beating the game as it was intended.

The only traditional codes I remember after the 32/64-bit era were those in the PS2 Grand Theft Auto games. Codes for health or decreasing your wanted level were pretty much cheating, but the ones for dropping tanks out of the sky were a ton of fun. Putting in one code that armed every civilian and following it with the code that makes all civilians hate you had hilarious results, and it offered a fun distraction when you were ready for a break.

In the current generation of consoles, codes are a rarity. I loved all the funny cheats Rockstar put into GTA III back in 2001, but it's ten years later and I honestly don't even know if Red Dead Redemption has any. It might be indicative of a shift in how games are made in recent years, with more focus on narrative experiences and balanced online multiplayer than "try to get to the end without dying." I have fond memories of discovering new codes when I was a kid, but I can't say I really miss them in 2011. Like level passwords, 900 hint lines, "notes" sections in instruction manuals, and VHS hype tapes for upcoming games, they're just another element that we don't have any need for anymore.

Answering The "How'd You Get Your Job?" Question

Dan Ryckert — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 20:00:00 GMT

I've been a fan of Game Informer ever since I was nine years old and picked up my first issue in 1993 (although I'm also the proud owner of the one with Andy performing a slam dunk on the cover). I picked it up thanks to my Mortal Kombat obsession, and an odd series of events led to me working at the magazine seventeen years later. Since I get a ton of emails asking how I wound up with this position, I thought I'd explain it here.

It obviously helps to have a nearly-obsessive interest in video games (fully obsessive in my case), and I had that covered ever since I received an NES as a gift when I was four. Games were my only real priority throughout my childhood and adolescence, and I was a master at being terrible at sports and not talking to girls for about twenty years. Oddly enough, this paid off in the end, as whatever social skills I lacked going into college I made up for with an encyclopedic knowledge of video games.

For about three years in high school, I worked at my local Funcoland/GameStop. This definitely helped with my gaming knowledge, as I made a habit of pulling out random games and playing them whenever we weren't busy. This introduced me to a huge amount of titles that I would have never given a second glance to if I hadn't had access to them through my job. I'd open up the drawer for a different system each day, close my eyes, grab a game, and play it no matter what it was. Sometimes it was a sports game, sometimes it was a classic that I'd replay, and sometimes it was Rising Zan: Samurai Gunman. If I was too busy to play it during my shift I'd take it home and play it all night.

Working at GameStop was a lot of fun in high school, but I knew my final goal was to work at the magazine I had been a fan of for years. During one shift, I thought of a way to visit the office and get a glimpse of what GI employment was like. I was starting to get really into video production in high school, and I would see the in-store GameStop ads run all the time during my shifts. I knew it was a long shot, but I contacted GameStop corporate and volunteered to make a Game Informer commercial for them if they could send me up to Minneapolis.

At this point, I didn't really have a long demo reel or anything (I was 18), but I sent them a script and offered to make the video for them for free if they could cover my travel expenses. To my surprise, they responded by telling me that they'd need to pay me for the ad and wanted to know how much I'd charge. Considering that weddings were the only experience I had when it came to making money with videos, I didn't have the slightest clue what to say. I threw out an amount that sounded reasonable for me, my cameraman, and the supplies, and they responded with a check and my travel plans.

It didn't even seem real to me that my plan to get to Game Informer actually worked, even as my cameraman and myself stood in the Minneapolis airport with our cameras and luggage. For several days, I got to hang out with the GI crew (Andy, Reiner, Matt Helgeson, and Kato were all around back then), talk games, and learn what a work day is like at my favorite gaming magazine. Oh, and I made this kinda-crappy video as well, starring former editor Justin Leeper as Solid Snake, my grandpa as Colonel Campbell, and myself as an awkward GameStop employee. I'm pretty hard on it, but our video producer Ben Hanson defends it considering I was only 18.

(Please visit the site to view this media)

Outside of our time at the office, my cameraman and I went to the Mall of America and bought a giant shark suit. I wore it to Game Informer the next day for some reason, and that resulted in my first appearance in the magazine (you can see the GI Spy image at the top of this blog). I also got plenty of use out of that shark suit once I got to college.

To this day I'm not really sure if my Metal Gear Solid spot ever ran in-store, but my experience at the office was invaluable. I wanted to get that job more than ever before, and I made it my mission during college. When I was 20, I started writing video game reviews for my college town's local website and newspaper, and by 21 I was the editor of the video game section. We weren't a huge outlet, and video games were just a very small part of it, so I had to pay my own way out to E3 every year. Almost every time, I'd run into at least one of the GI guys that I had met during my office trip. In 2006 I ran into Reiner and Andy near the cafeteria and talked to them for a few minutes, in 2007 I talked to Matt Helgeson as we waited for a press conference to start, and in 2009 I ran into the whole crew as they left the Nintendo presser. Every time, I reminded them that I was "that kid who ran around in a shark suit several years ago" and made it clear that I wanted to work for them. They were always fully staffed at the time, but I was encouraged to continue writing reviews so I'd be prepared if there ever were some openings.

Less than two months after I ran into Andy outside of the Nintendo presser, I woke up to an email from him asking for a resume and writing samples. Turns out they were preparing a full overhaul of the website and magazine, and openings would finally be available. After sending him my writing samples, I did a phone interview with Reiner and Jeff Cork. Within a month after that, I had my things packed up and left Kansas City for Minneapolis and my new job. Sure enough, I wound up loving it even more than I expected I would.

The specifics of how I got here are definitely unconventional. Shooting a video for GameStop, running around in a shark suit, and having the opportunity to write for a college site aren't methods that are available for everyone. However, I don't think those are the most important factors when it comes down to why I finally got the job. Even if I was writing for my own blog during college rather than a website/newspaper, the experience I gained thanks to writing all those reviews is what helped more than anything. Each year, I had more and more reviews and writing samples that I could provide if the opportunity arose (I wrote over 600 reviews for that site by the time I was done). I don't like looking back at my early reviews, but when I do I can tell that the quality naturally improved as the years went on. At no point was I a journalism student, and I didn't take any writing-intensive courses throughout college (I was a film student). If you do something over and over again for a long enough period of time, you'll naturally improve. That's why I think the key to getting a job like this is to keep writing and writing no matter what. If the job you want opens up and you don't get it, keep writing. If someone tells you your reviews suck, keep writing. If you can't find any local websites or outlets that will publish your stuff, screw it...keep writing. You don't have to be a journalism student, you don't have to know anyone in the industry, and you don't have to live in Minneapolis, Seattle, or San Francisco. All you need is a real passion for the industry and a hell of a lot of persistence. Also, buy a shark suit if you ever find one. They're really fun.

Is 2D Gaming Better Than Ever?

Dan Ryckert — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 15:30:00 GMT

Like most gamers in their mid-20s, I grew up on a healthy diet of games like Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog, and Donkey Kong Country. Those were the big-name classics that are first on everyone's mind when it comes to nostalgia, but the 8- and 16-bit era also played host to solid games like Earthworm Jim, Vectorman, Contra, and plenty more. I would even spend copious amounts of time with platformers that probably weren't that great in retrospect, such as Boogerman and licensed games like Wayne's World or Ren and Stimpy. While I'll always have fond memories of the era, I started thinking recently that 2D gaming might be better now than it's ever been.

When almost everything switched over to 3D in the mid-90s, very few developers were interested in making 2D games. Titles like Super Mario 64 and Crash Bandicoot were flying off the shelves, and gamers were excited to play games in a way that wasn't possible in previous console generations. In 2010, 3D gaming is the norm and we all love it. However, the advent of XBLA/PSN and a new willingness to revisit 2D gaming has resulted in some amazing experiences in the last few years. Downloadable games like Braid, Limbo, and P.B. Winterbottom present the 2D plane in a way we've never seen before, both in terms of gameplay and aesthetic. We played plenty of side-scrollers back in the day that had us avoiding obstacles and defeating enemies, but none with the brain-bending puzzles of Braid or the haunting atmosphere of Limbo.

I spent countless quarters on beat-em-ups like TMNT II: The Arcade Game, The Simpsons, and X-Men Arcade as a kid, and I get the same satisfaction after playing some multiplayer rounds of Castle Crashers or Scott Pilgrim: The Game as an adult. I was always fascinated by the open-ended exploration of Metroid and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, so I was thrilled to have that same feeling with a current-gen game thanks to Shadow Complex. The NES Mega Man games were a perfect blend of platforming and action, and Mega Man 9 and 10 offer up an experience that stands up to those early classics.

Even the fighting genre is returning to its 2D roots in a major way. While I love 3D fighters like Tekken and Soul Calibur, my favorite memories in the genre certainly belong to the first three Mortal Kombat games and Street Fighter II. After Street Fighter IV impressed just about everyone, it seems we have a great roster of 2D-based fighters set to release in the near future. Marvel vs. Capcom 3 and Street Fighter X Tekken should be a blast, and the new Mortal Kombat looks absolutely stunning.

LittleBigPlanet launched with a great side-scrolling story mode in 2008, but it's the community that impressed more than anything. Millions of levels were put together by gamers, and almost all of them were 2D platformers (some were as good or even better than the built-in stages made by Media Molecule). With the launch of LittleBigPlanet 2 in a few weeks, we'll most definitely be seeing a new explosion of amazing gamer-made 2D stages.

Nintendo dominated 2D gaming for a long time, and it's great to see them returning to their roots as well. The New Super Mario Bros. games on Wii and DS were huge successes, Kirby's Epic Yarn was charming and offered some great co-op fun, and Donkey Kong Country Returns is probably one of the five best 2D platformers I've ever played. Playing through DKC Returns with my sisters and collecting all of the KONG letters was an experience that stands toe-to-toe with any I've had with Super Mario World, Super Mario Bros. 3, or Sonic the Hedgehog 2.

Overall, I'm thrilled that we're living in a time that gives us the best of both worlds. When I want amazing new experiences that feature the best technology the industry has to offer, I can go to Uncharted, Mass Effect, and Red Dead Redemption. However, if I want to revisit the gameplay that introduced me to the industry as a child, I don't have to dust off old consoles to play games I've already beaten numerous times. It's not just a nostalgia act, either...many of these newer 2D titles surpass the experiences we grew up playing. With the industry putting out stellar offerings in both AAA blockbusters and $10 downloadable games, this era of gaming is proving to be the most diverse and rewarding yet. It might be too early to decide whether or not the current 2D landscape is better than ever, but things are definitely headed in the right direction.