humor
What Activision Needs To Do To Keep Call of Duty Fresh
This year marks the 10-year anniversary of Call of Duty. Since the release of Call of Duty 2 in 2005, the series has had annual releases. In celebration of the announcement of Call of Duty: Ghosts, we came up with 50 ways for Activision to keep the series fresh.
We're serious about all these:
- Create a stronger emphasis on character development – the few occasions that CoD does character development well (Captain Price, Raul Menendez), it ends up being the best parts of the game
- Remove the rails – give us a large open world to explore à la Red Dead Redemption
- Customizable characters
- Design characters with real bone, muscle, and organ structures so that bullets more realistically penetrate their bodies
- Give us a story that isn't about exploding nuclear weapons
- Throw some Febreze on it
- Make all the bad guys invisible – It's called Ghosts after all
- Give us guns that shoot lasers
- Give us guns that shoot swords
- Give us guns that shoot grizzly bears
- Give us a gun that shoots atom bombs
- Ship it out in a Ziploc bag
- Make it a turn-based RPG – that would really throw us for a loop
- Let players play as the dogs
- Let players play as the kill cam
- Let players play as the atom bomb
- Cowboy hats
- Make the box out of grape-scented scratch-and-sniff material
- Make the game take a shower
- Set the game in the future, but make players use guns from WWII
- Make the guns louder
- Hire Christopher Walken impersonators to voice all of the game's grunts
- Create destructible environments more like Battlefield – we don't want to just shoot through a wall, we want to bring it down!
- Add GLaDOS
- Add portal guns
- Add all the characters from Team Fortress 2
- Have Valve make the game
- Add a minigame where players collect pet monsters and train them to fight alongside you
- People like short mobile games – what if the main story was only 25 minutes long?
- Similar to Assassin's Creed, add famous historical figures. What if in one mission you shrunk down to a microscopic level and entered President Obama's body in order to kill a mutant strain of some designer virus? Then you high-fived Dennis Rodman!
- Bring back slappers
- Make one level a dream sequence that is done in black and white
- Rocket boots
- Rocket pants?
- Give players a humorous robotic sidekick
- Bring back vehicles – let us drive a clown car
- Have mimes do all the cutscenes
- Add more graphics
- Make Zach Galifianakis the main character, but don't tell him what game he's working on during the recording sessions
- Add foxes – we're not talking about the animal. We want to see some sexy people in the game
- Do everything Irrational did with BioShock Infinite – but change all the characters' names
- Add foxes – the actual animals
- Tell us the meaning of life – but don't be too serious about it, add some jokes. Entertain us, dummies!
- Add cheese – everything is better with cheese
- Call of Duty Babies! – it worked for The Muppets
- Have a sequence where the player walks through a metal detector and their abs of steel set off the metal detector
- Have a scene where the player has to go undercover as a fat kid and wears a T-shirt at the pool
- Have a scene where the main character gets in a jam and has to MacGyver his way out of the situation by making a mask out of masking tape
- Mullets and beards – just put hair on everything
- The twist at the end was that it's all a dream