I Don't Want To Move Your Dumb Box

I beat Nier a few weekends ago, and I'm almost done playing through Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom. Aside from being pretty good games, there's really not a whole lot of common ground between the two. That is, except for one horrible thing: the main characters have to push a bunch of stupid boxes around.

I completely understand why sometimes you have to let certain things go when you're playing a game. A lot of what we might consider to be the vocabulary of games borders on straight-up cliche, but I'm OK with it. There's something comforting about knowing that red barrels will more than likely explode when you shoot them or that that cracked wall over there contains a secret. What I'm tired of is pushing crates and boxes around. It's never interesting and rarely challenging. Take Majin and Nier, for example.

In each of those two games, the hero needs to get someplace high. Unfortunately, some of the ladders they come upon are broken. Not completely broken, but broken to the point where the player needs a boost. Fine. The problem is, the boxes are almost always just a few feet away from the ladder in question. You would have to be a complete buffoon to derive any challenge from this kind of situation. Weak. In Nier there are a few simple (and I mean simple) puzzles, but they're likely there just to waste players' time.

I've been doing these stupid things since I first bought a Game Boy, and I think it's time to give it a rest. Or, how about this: If you absolutely must put box puzzles in your dumb game, you should be required to hide secrets behind your in-game waterfalls. Both Nier and Majin have waterfalls that are completely free of secrets. Laaaame. Everyone knows that waterfalls should contain a nook behind them, containing at least some kind of treasure.

Do you have any strong opinion on box puzzles or any other types of gameplay mechanics that you think need a break? Talk to me! It's Sunday, and I've got nothing to do but get upset about petty nonsense.