The lights are on
If I made my living as a television executive, and I just happened to stumble upon this story, I would cancel my network's worst show (probably Glee) to greenlight a Mortal Kombat cartoon for toddlers between the ages of two and five. I'm pretty sure it would end up with a name like MK Kuddlers or The Get Over Here Pals. And if you're thinking to yourself that "Reiner just wants to give kids nightmares," think again. The MK characters would sing, dance, and never once act aggressively toward one another. They would even help children learn!
Flash forward 10 to 15 years. Little Johnny is now an adult. He plays the new Mortal Kombat, and watches his childhood BFF (Scorpion) rip off Subzero's face and urinate in his eye sockets. Little Johnny is traumatized for days, but ultimately learns everything he needs to know about the world in this one horrifying moment: trust no one. Little Johnny is now a complete person, all thanks to my brilliant idea. With programming like this, we could have saved Dan Ryckert.
And yes, that is the first thought that came to mind when I gazed upon Flickr user soundofdesign's adorable Mortal Kombat artwork. Check out soundofdesign's gallery see to more MK characters and other video game characters cutesified (I just invented that word).
Email the author Andrew Reiner, or follow on Twitter, Facebook, and Game Informer.