The lights are on
Our jobs here at Game Informer have a tendency to get a little weird
every once in a while. For instance, I came in to work today expecting
to wrap up a couple of my previews for next month's magazine, and
instead I find myself receiving a giant pile of rancid meat from EA. It
turns out this is what they're sending to E3 judges in an effort to win
Best Original Game at E3. For some reason, I don't think this is the
approach that The Hurt Locker took in its quest to win Best Picture at
last year's Academy Awards.
It was sent to our editor-in-chief Andy McNamara, but apparently he has better things to do than sift through disgusting, god-knows-how-old piles of raw meat. That's how this nice cooler wound up in my hands.
Hopefully, the fact that it arrived in a somewhat cooled container means that I won't immediately contract the monkey virus from Outbreak.
The safety label lets us know that this particular delicacy was prepared with the Afterburner combo, and that it was "prepared from dismembered and otherwise disintegrated enemy combatants." It also alerts us that we should "refrigerate leftovers immediately or return to next of kin."
Peeling back the plastic gives us our first good look at its lovely contents (and a concerning amount of hair).
The first finds were a tooth and some dog tags with Andy's name on them.
I dug through the remaining mass with a plastic fork and knife, pausing only to dry heave in the sink twice. After plenty of scouring, this was the final collection of hidden treasure:
All in all, I found some mangled spectacle frames, a few shell casings, a couple mystery pieces of plastic, a tooth, a boot strap of some sort, the dog tags, and some camouflage fabric.
With all of those dangerous pieces of metal and plastic out of the meat, I figured there was no time like the present to be a nice co-worker and treat Jeff Cork and Bryan Vore to a meal.