If I have to listen to one more person say, "2017 was a great year for gaming," I am going to barf. Here's the truth: This year, developers continued to churn out bad ideas and even worse games. Not a single release this year – even the most critically and commercially successful ones – deserved a fraction of the effusive praise undiscerning fans were eager to dole out.

Let me show you how correct I am. I've taken a selection of the so-called "best" games from this year, and I will explain why you should not like the things you like.

10. Nier: Automata
Can a robot know what it means to be human? The answer is no, and just because a game poses that question doesn’t make it a sophisticated reflection on the meaning of life. Instead of regurgitating some Philip K. Dick they read in college, the team at Platinum Games should have focused on designing enough content to fill its game. Maybe then players wouldn’t have to repeatedly backtrack through the recycled levels in hopes of reaching the part where Nier: Automata gets fun.

9. Divinity: Original Sin II
I am so sick of everybody talking about old-school CRPGs. Of course, the genre is just red-hot these days, so you can’t escape it. Everywhere you go, people are talking about how much they love clumsy narration, buggy quests, cluttered interfaces, and overwhelming possibilities with no direction. Divinity: Original Sin II is the exemplar of these features, rising above its peers that also seek to exploit PC gamers’ nostalgia for Baldur’s Gate II. Fans will talk your ear off about the level of player choice it supports, but you have the power to make the only choice that matters: Play something else.

8. Assassin's Creed Origins
Egypt is a land of mystery and majesty. The team at Ubisoft clearly put a lot of research into the history and geography of this ancient land. The result is a beautiful and rich world that captures the essence of the era. So what’s the the problem? Ubisoft was supposed to be making an Assassin’s Creed game, not just a virtual Egypt. Instead of having cool assassinations, acrobatic combat, and intriguing story twists, Origins just does a bad impersonation of The Witcher 3 and hopes people are too awed by the pyramids to realize it.

7. Uncharted: The Lost Legacy
Naughty Dog gets a lot of praise for its characters and narrative, but that’s only because people are politely grasping for something nice to say that doesn’t call attention to the PS2-era gameplay mechanics of The Lost Legacy. Like how your friends say you “grow on people” and your thoughts on potential Star Wars: Episode IX plotlines are “very creative.” Yep, the adventures of these two cast-off sidekicks sure do “redefine video game storytelling.” [Note: Much like Uncharted: The Lost Legacy, this entry was copied from last year’s installment, then slightly modified.]

6. Destiny 2
This game has microtransactions, so just throw it right in the trash and move on with your life.

5. Super Mario Odyssey
Mario sure has changed a lot since his early days! Remember when all he ever did was jump through levels, get power-ups, and try to stop Bowser? In Super Mario Odyssey, gaming’s most recognizable hero showcases his many years of evolution and experience by jumping though levels, getting power-ups, and trying to stop Bowser. Gamers are also treated to such modern-day innovations as collecting coins, stomping on goombas, and sliding down secret pipes. What a time to be alive! I can’t wait to see what brilliant ideas Nintendo has been saving up for the next Mario game!

4. Persona 5
Finally, a game that lets me escape my real life by transporting me to a modern-day world where I’m required to manage relationships, study for finals, and work part-time jobs. But it’s in Japan, so everything is much better and less boring! Persona 5 forces players to experience the life of a high-school student, complete with all the chores and conversations you wish you could have just skipped past. These events may or may not happen in real time; I stopped playing after 90 hours because I have an actual life and actual friends.

3. Horizon Zero Dawn
Excerpt from How To Make An Open-World Game, by H. Z. Dawn: “First, make the world very large, even if it doesn’t have much personality. If you have time, fill the map with lots of fun stuff to do. If you don’t have time, just plop down some repetitive challenges and fetch quests. If you forget about making weapon/armor/skill upgrades interesting, don’t worry! No one will notice or care. Coming up in the next chapter: How to use talented voice actors to disguise unremarkable storytelling.”

2. PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
PUBG took the world by storm, introducing a fresh new narrative hook in which people are trapped on an island and have to kill…wait, no, that concept is the basis of several popular books and movies. However, PUBG was the first video game to use it and…hold on, no, not even close. Well, what truly distinguishes PUBG from its peers is the level of polish and refined gunplay that…uh, look, I give up. A lot of people play this for some reason. Maybe because they haven’t discovered Fortnite yet?

1. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
You just can’t refute the facts – Breath of the Wild is completely revolutionary (for a Zelda game). It has a lively world to explore (for a Zelda game), interesting characters (for a Zelda game), and an awe-inspiring sense of discovery (for a Zelda game). The puzzles are clever (for a Zelda game), and the combat is tactical and fun (for a Zelda game). It’s a not even up for debate: As long you compare it exclusively to other Legend of Zelda titles, Breath of the Wild is undoubtedly the game of the year – and maybe even the best game ever.