15 Unexplained Mysteries In The Division
The Division doesn't feature the most focused narrative, but Ubisoft Massive has built up a fair amount of intrigue surrounding the society-crashing Dollar Flu and what happened to the first wave of Division agents. However, I've run into deeper and much more puzzling questions while plundering the streets of Manhattan. Here are some of The Division's biggest unexplained mysteries.
Mystery #1: Why Are
So Many Rikers Gang Members Named Alex?
Whenever I gun down a member of the Rikers gang, there seems
to be about a 25-percent chance one of his buddies will respond by shouting, "He
shot Alex!" How in the world does a gang contain that many Alexes? Do they only
allow ex-prisoners named Alex to join? That seems like a pretty strict
requirement, but given their impeccably coordinated wardrobes, not out of the
realm of possibility. Or maybe there's some kind of Fight Club-style Robert Paulson situation going on? Seeing as how
they all shoot at me on sight, I'll probably never know. Stinkin' Alexes.
Mystery #2: When Did
Neck Tattoos Get So Popular?
The Division launched with 28 different neck tattoos that
you can customize your character with. After picking your gender, you have a
selection of eight heads to apply them to. I'm willing to give Massive a pass on
why all Division agents look so similar, but what the heck is the lore behind the
sudden popularity of neck tattoos? Given the fact that most of society has died
from an infectious disease, maybe stabbing a needle into your neck thousands of
times isn't the best idea. And who the heck is doing all this post-apocalyptic
neck tattooing anyway? At least it's good to know that hideous body art doesn't
disqualify you from landing a cushy job in a top-secret government agency.
Mystery #3: What Kind
Of Super Batteries Is New York Running On?
I can buy into the premise that New York City has been ravaged by
a modern-day plague and been completely abandoned. I can even accept the idea that escaped prisoners and rogue garbagemen might set up competing gangs to
take over control of the city. What I can't swallow, however, is the fact that New
York's ruined streets are somehow still awash in the headlights of abandoned
cars. Everywhere I go, I come across chirping cellphones and glowing laptops –
in the real world, I'm lucky if I can make it through a full work day without
my phone running out of juice! What kind of remarkable battery technology was
invented in the lead-up to the apocalypse? Because honestly it might be worth
it...
Mystery #4: Is
Heather Lau A Super Hero?
As any Division agent can tell you, unloading 30 submachine-gun
rounds into an enemy's dome isn't necessarily a guaranteed kill. Yet when you
track down your handler's missing sister, Heather Lau, you find out she
somehow offed an attacker with a single swing of her acoustic guitar. Which
begs the question: What kind of secret, super-human strength does Heather Lau
possess, and why isn't she the one out there saving the city? Seriously, she's
got plenty of spare guitars lying around her apartment...
Taking back New York would be a heck of a lot easier if you could one-shot every enemy you come across – even if your weapon of choice is a musical instrument.
Mystery #5: How Many
Copies Of Discovering New York Do You
Need?
I mean, even if you're new to the city, you should be able
to get by with like...five copies. This guy's got eight on just two of his
bookshelves! Along with other riveting reads like Banking, Real Estate, Beaches, and the number-one bestseller, Money. What a collection!
Coming Up Next: The real nature of The Division agents...
Mystery #6: Who Is
This Bad At Parking?
Seriously, I know parking spots are at a premium in
Manhattan, but how does this happen? And who the heck is responsible for paying the meter? I guess
you could make the case that someone moved the cars there in order to clear the
streets, but who? And wouldn't the process of bringing in a tow truck/crane to
pile up the cars be more of a hindrance to traffic than a couple of extra cars?
Speaking of peculiar automobiles...
Mystery #7: Why Were
These Cars Abandoned?
Typically during disasters, people abandon their cars when
they get stuck in gridlock and they have to escape the impending meteor/alien spaceship/zombie
horde on foot. But it's not like anything was blocking their way. Perhaps they
were both struck with the futility of driving when all of the roads off of the
island have been closed, but at least pull over to the side of the street
before you decide to hoof it – a civilization-ending virus is no excuse for bad
road etiquette.
Mystery #8: What The
Hell Did This Guy Do?
I have no idea how this Alex managed to phase halfway through
a glass door, but once again he refused to tell me his secrets (seriously, these
guys are the worst). If Fringe has
taught me anything, though, there must be some exciting parallel dimension-hopping
coming up later in the story. That's a plot twist I didn't see coming!
Mystery #9: Why Are
Division Agents Extorting Homeless People Out Of Their Clothes?
The other
night, some poor homeless guy staggered up to me begging for food. I gave him a
candy bar...in exchange for his pants. I certainly didn't need his pants – I'm already
lugging around more clothes than a department store. This is super not how
disaster relief aid is supposed to work, guys...
Mystery #10: Am I
Actually A Good Guy?
Robbing helpless citizens of their finest winter clothes got
me thinking – I sure do spend a lot of time shooting people on sight for being
suspected looters...only to then pick over their corpses for any ammo, weapons,
or clothing they may have been carrying. And that's when I'm not actively
breaking into people's homes and businesses to plunder whatever food and items
I can find. In fact, pretty much the only place where I don't run into looters is
inside of apartment buildings that I'm entering without anyone's permission. Am
I really the good guy? Or just a better shot?
Coming Up Next: Unraveling The Division's biggest secret...
Mystery #11: Why Do
New Yorkers Suck At Graffiti?
It makes total sense that in a post-apocalyptic scenario, New
York City would be covered in even more graffiti than usual. After all, society
has collapsed into a lawless state, and people need an outlet for expressing their desperation.
But what is being expressed here, exactly? "I lost my family to a deadly viral
outbreak and murderous looters shot and ate my dog – I'm going to scribble the
hell out of this van!"
Mystery #12: ...And
Suck Even Worse At Naming Their Shops?
I guess I can see putting a giant COFFEE banner above your
shop if you really want people to know that you sell coffee – you gotta compete
with Starbucks somehow. But at least put "Pete's" above it or something. Who shops
at stores like this? "Hey honey, I'm running late. Would you mind picking up our clothes from LAUNDRY SERVICE and then grabbing some
hamburger meat and beans at GROCERY on your way home? Love you!" I mean, seriously:
"Mmm, mmm, mmm, there's nothing I love more than eating at CHICKEN PLACE."
Mystery #13: What's With These Crazy-Ass
Lights?
Super batteries are one thing, but I've never heard of a
light that can be shot out by a bullet only to auto-repair itself seconds
later. The only two explanations I can come up with are nanobots and magic, and
I'm not sure which one is more plausible. I'm not actually stuck in some kind
of Truman Show scenario, am I? Or
maybe...
Mystery #14: Is This The Matrix?
Suddenly, it all makes sense: the repeated books and generic
store names, the environments that seem believable at a glance but start to
fall apart under scrutiny, enemies phasing through doors and players falling
through the bottom of the world – take the red pill and escape while you still
can!
Mystery #15: How Does
This All Tie In To The Division?
I'm all for taking creative leaps when adapting source
material, but so far nothing I've come across in Massive's open-world shooter
has referenced everyone's favorite Lifetime Network show, The Division. What's going on? The show stars five tough-as-nails
policewomen, so naturally I'm assuming they were eventually promoted to be Division
agents. I'm dying to know how Ubisoft's story syncs up. The Division takes place in San Francisco, so maybe an expansion will
take us to the west coast for the best multimedia crossover ever. Nancy McKeon (second from right) also
played Jo on The Facts Of Life, which
I'd accept as a compromise crossover as well. Come on, Massive – this
is precisely what DLC was made for!
Have any other unexplained mysteries in The Division that are keeping you up at night? Share them with your fellow conspiracy theorists in the comments below!