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Five Things That Are Totally Gonna Happen Now That Activision Owns King
Last night, Activision announced that it will acquire Candy Crush maker King, making a big move into the mobile space. We’ve consulted industry analysts (a.k.a. social media) to find out exactly what will happen as a result of this deal.
1. All games will now have microtransactions, but in order to actually spend them, you need to play Candy Crush.
Here’s how it works. Let’s say you want a new Destiny dance. First, you purchase silver on PSN or Xbox Live. Then, you plug a code into Candy Crush and match until Eris Morn shrieks about you shaking your groove thang. Boom. New dance.
We assume Call of Duty weapon skins, Heroes of the Storm skins, and Hearthstone card backs will all work the same way. Does it matter, though? Candy Crush! Oh, and if you can’t progress far enough to earn your microtransactions, you can buy King’s “Best Value” bundle to help you out. It’s microtransception!
2. Mobile gamers’ worst nightmares will come true.
All of King’s games will be reskinned like popular Activision Blizzard titles. Candy Crush Saga? Nope. It’s Candy Crush of Duty now. Candy Crush Soda Saga? Nope. Get ready for Candy Crush Sodalanders Saga.
3. All children in America will be required to spend time in the candy mines crushing candy with their government-mandated confectioner devices.
Seriously. Have you seen how much money that deal was worth? The only way Activision could possibly have afforded it was a series of government loans and child labor.
4. We will only be able to refer to King as “The Candy Crush Company” from now on.
Forget 500 million users across multiple games in 196 countries. King demands that we only call it “The Candy Crush Company.” By royal decree, it is so.
5. We will all go on living because this isn’t actually going to change anything or ruin how we game.
This one might be true. We can hope.
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