It’s A Living

Today, we in the United States celebrate the advances made by our nation’s labor movement. Or we just look forward to the chance to have a parade. Regardless, it’s Labor Day. With that in mind, we wanted to celebrate the work that our virtual citizens do. All too often, we focus on those who save the world, fight monsters, or single-handedly defeat enemy armies. That’s great, but a lot of characters have mundane jobs that we can relate to a bit more closely.

This feature was originally published on September 6, 2010, at 8:00 a.m. Central.

Join us as we look at some of the jobs that game characters have worked over the years. (Note: Their ordinary job descriptions don’t necessarily preclude these individuals from saving the world, fighting monsters, or single-handedly defeating enemy armies. They just collect an honest paycheck between those adventures.)

Mario has bounced around between several jobs since debuting in 1981’s Donkey Kong. At first, he was a carpenter. Aside from showing competence with a hammer, however, he displayed little aptitude for the profession. Two years later, he became a plumber in Mario Bros. That career change likely came with a nice bump in salary. According to the federal government’s Bureau of Labor Statistics, in May 2008, the median hourly wage for carpenters was $18.72, while plumbers, pipefitters, pipelayers, and steamfitters earned $21.94 on average.

In 1990, Mario had yet another career change. Before he could pick up a paycheck in Dr. Mario, he first had to earn a Doctor of Pharmacy degree and pass several examinations. Financially, it was probably a wise decision. Even though about 12 percent of pharmacists work more than 50 hours per week, the median annual salary is $106,410, or nearly $41 per hour. Although we don’t have access to Mushroom Kingdom statistics, there are about 270,000 practicing pharmacists in the United States.

Lately, however, Mario appears to be unemployed, though he has dabbled in professional sports, party planning, and saving the world.

Engineer Isaac Clarke’s adventures are set in the year 2414, which makes salary and other forecasts guesswork at best. According to the Bureau of Labor statistics, engineers should be, “creative, inquisitive, analytical, and detail oriented.” Judging from the way Clarke is ordered around the USG Ishimura to flip various switches and pull levers, it’s possible that he is new at his job and lacks seniority. “The best opportunities may require frequent travel or even living overseas for extended periods as mining operations around the world recruit graduates of U.S. mining engineering programs,” says the BLS. Some things never change, even in outer space.

Little is known about Metro City, aside from its Mad Gear gang infestation. As mayor, Mike Haggar has a variety of responsibilities, including working with contractors, meeting with other politicians, and drop-kicking bad guys’ faces. According to the BLS entry designed for schoolchildren, mayors “must know how to compromise. In addition, they must have a lot of energy and be good fundraisers.”

There is no mention of a mayoral dress code.

Mama might want to hang on to her job as a chef. The BLS expects slower than average employment growth in that job field. The median salary for jobs in the food-service industry was $32,560 in May 2008, although federal law allows employers to deduct the cost of meals or lodging provided. Assuming that Mama provides her own scarves, she should be fine.

Florida is the state with the highest employment concentration of dishwashers in the United States, though our hero may want to move if a paycheck is a major priority. Las Vegas-Paradise, Nevada, is the metropolitan area with the highest concentration of dishwashers, as well as the top-paying area, with median salaries of $11.66 an hour. (In comparison, Florida pays an average of $8.62 hourly.) Regardless, it’ll probably take more than a few shifts to save up for a pair of sweet katanas.

It’s tough to figure out how old Flo is, but if she’s between 16-19, she’s in good company. Twenty-one percent of waitresses were between those ages in 2008, which is about six times the proportion for all workers, according to the BLS. There’s a reason why Flo works so hard to seat customers promptly, take their orders quickly, serve their food immediately, and rush to bus their tables, too: A major portion of earnings for servers are based on tips. Job openings are expected to be abundant through 2018, with more than 761,000 positions projected from now until then. Let’s hope some of those people wind up at Flo’s restaurant—she could obviously use some help.

Lara’s brand of archaeology is more focused on swimming, avoiding traps, and pushing blocks than what her real-life counterparts encounter, so her salary might include some much-deserved hazard pay. If it doesn’t, she’s probably earning somewhere around $57,000 annually. That doesn’t sound like a lot, considering that she has had to fight dinosaurs.

As a police officer, Stryker can expect to earn a median salary of $52,810. “Police officers work on foot or ride in cars, but a few ride horses, bikes, or motorcycles,” says the BLS for kids site. “Some work in boats on rivers and in harbors. Some police work with dogs.” It doesn’t mention anything about fighting thunder gods for the fate of the universe. “Many retire at half-pay after 25 or 30 years of service.” Or after they get their heads punched off by action heroes.

Ethan’s architect salary (median income--$70,320) probably came in handy when it was time to pay for his swanky house and stock his fridge with orange juice. About 21 percent of architects are self employed, and if Ethan works from home he could probably write some of his housing costs off as a business expense. About one in five architects wind up working more than 50 hours a week, however, leaving little time for freelance policework.

According to the BLS, most freelance writers have to provide their own health insurance and pension. That first expense is probably a wise investment, considering the amount of time Alan spends dodging hatchets and doing his best not to get squished by rogue bulldozers. “Competition is expected for writing and editing jobs as many people are attracted to this occupation,” says the BLS. It’s a good thing that Wake has an established following—whether or not he actually even exists.