The lights are on
GogoatI don't get it – this is just a goat with some leaves on it.
I mean, he looks tough enough, but so do real goats. His abilities are rather
underwhelming too; his main ability is Sap Sipper, and his hidden ability is
Grass Pelt. On the plus side, Gogoat is classified as a Mount Pokémon, which
makes him quite the stud. Official Pokémon Rating:
Name Sounds Like Gogurt
FurfrouGame Freak is obviously padding out Pokémon X & Y's
roster now. Furfrou is just a dog – it's not even a cool dog, it's a dumb
poodle. In fact, it's even classified as a Poodle Pokémon, raising more
disturbing questions: Are all dogs considered Pokémon in the series' lore? If
so, what the hell happens to them when they evolve? Also, aren't we just
fighting dogs at this point? People go to jail for that...Official Pokémon Rating:
Where's PETA When You Need Them?
DedenneThis is just a cheap Pikachu rip-off! Apparently Game Freak
ran out of real animals to copy, so now it's rehashing its own creations. It's
like a snake eating its own tail. Wait a minute...I think I just invented a new Pokémon: Tailchomp! His abilities could be Spin Dash and Endless Cycle, and he'd be
classified as a Regurgitating Pokémon. You're welcome, Game Freak.Official Pokémon Rating:
Not As Cool As Tailchomp
HonedgeWell, this is a depressing downward spiral we're stuck in. Now
they're copying inanimate objects? Unsurprisingly, Honedge is classified
as a Sword Pokémon, because – if you haven't figured it out – it's a freakin' sword! You'd think it would at
least have some cool abilities, but it only comes with No Guard. What is that?
If you catch one of these things, you might as well melt it down and make a toaster.Official Pokémon Rating:
Bottom Of The Barrel
(image courtesy of Bulbapedia)
KlefkiAre you kidding me?! Klefki is a ring of keys! Someone
literally just looked at their table, saw their keys, and made it a Pokémon! The
image above isn't even official art, because Game Freak was probably too embarrassed
to make any. I'm not even going to tell you what kind of Pokémon Klefki is
classified as, because you already know the answer. Just when I thought Klefki
couldn't get any stupider, I read its Pokédex entry:
"It never lets go of a
key that it likes, so people give it the keys to vaults and safes as a way to
That doesn't even make sense – if you give it your key, you'll
never get it back! Is there no approval process whatsoever for designing Pokémon?Official Pokémon Rating:
It's A Ring Of Keys, For Crying Out Loud
Coming Up Next: Can Game Freak Return From The Brink Of Insanity?
Email the author Jeff Marchiafava, or follow on Google+, Twitter, and Game Informer.